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T HE PRI NCE SS AND T HE PE A VS. GOL DI L OCK S He lping g ifte d stude nts ma na g e pe rfe c tio nism Dr . K rista Britta in Clinic a l Psyc ho lo g ist I NT RODUCT I ON & OVE RVI E W Che e rful he llo !

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SLIDE 1

T HE PRI NCE SS AND T HE PE A VS. GOL DI L OCK S

Dr . K rista Britta in Clinic a l Psyc ho lo g ist

He lping g ifte d stude nts ma na g e pe rfe c tio nism

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SLIDE 2

I NT RODUCT I ON & OVE RVI E W

  • Che e rful he llo !
  • Re c a ll (o r le a rn) e ve rything the re is to kno w a b o ut g ifte dne ss
  • T

ho ro ug hly de fine pe rfe c tio nism with e xtre me ly po sitive a ttitude s

  • Ana lyze why we a nd o ur c hildre n a re pe rfe c tio nists
  • F

e e l ve ry g uilty a b o ut this

  • Ove rthink o ur mista ke s
  • F

e e l ve ry g uilty a g a in

  • F

ix E VE RYT HI NG a nd c ure pe rfe c tio nism!

  • Ne ve r ma ke a no the r mista ke a g a in
  • Do e ve rything we ll a nd o n time
  • F

e e l g uilty if yo u didn’ t do so me thing a s we ll a s yo u c o uld ha ve

  • Ne ve r ha ve a no the r pe rfe c tio nist tho ug ht a g a in
  • F

e e l g uilty whe n a stra y pe rfe c tio nist tho ug h po ps into yo ur he a d

  • F
  • r re a l this time , ne ve r ha ve a pe rfe c tio nist tho ug ht a nd ne ve r ma ke a mista ke .
  • Oh ra ts! I

think tha t mig ht b e a pe rfe c tio nist tho ug ht. F e e l g uilty.

  • Re mind o urse lve s tha t if we ma ke mista ke s o r ha ve pe rfe c tio nist tho ug hts, we will ine vita b ly pa ss this o n to o ur c hildre n, so we MUSN’ T

do it.

  • F

e e l g uilty- a lwa ys with the g uilt

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SLIDE 3
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SLIDE 4

I NT RODUCT I ONS & OVE RVI E W

  • Gifte dne ss re fre she r
  • De fining Pe rfe c tio nism
  • Gifte dne ss, Pe rfe c tio nism, a nd Se lf-de ve lo pme nt: c o nne c tio ns in re se a rc h

(a nd re a l life )

  • L

e ss he a lthy a nd he a lthie r pe rfe c tio nism

  • Wo rking thro ug h pe rfe c tio nism with yo ur g ifte d c hild a t ho me
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SLIDE 5

GI F T E DNE SS RE F RE SHE R

  • Multiple de finitio ns o f g ifte dne ss
  • Sing le -fa c to r mo de ls
  • 3-fa c to r mo de l
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SLIDE 6
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SLIDE 7

GI F T E DNE SS RE F RE SHE R

  • Multiple de finitio ns o f g ifte dne ss
  • Sing le -fa c to r mo de ls
  • 3-fa c to r mo de l
  • Multiple inte llig e nc e s
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SLIDE 8

GI F T E DNE SS RE F RE SHE R

  • Aspe c ts o f the g ifte d e xpe rie nc e
  • De ve lo pme nta l Async hro ny
  • Ove re xc ita b ilitie s
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SLIDE 9

WHAT I S PE RF E CT I ONI SM?

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SLIDE 10

Y

  • u mig ht b e a pe rfe c tio nist if…
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SLIDE 11
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SLIDE 12

WHAT I S PE RF E CT I ONI SM?

  • “Pe rfe c tio nism is the se tting o f, a nd striving fo r

, ve ry de ma nding sta nda rds tha t a re se lf-impo se d a nd re le ntle ssly pursue d de spite this c a using pro b le ms. I t invo lve s b a sing o ne ’ s se lf-wo rth a lmo st e xc lusive ly o n ho w we ll the se hig h sta nda rds a re me t.” (Sha fra n, E g a n, & Wa de - 2010)

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SLIDE 13

WHAT I S PE RF E CT I ONI SM?

  • A b e lie f tha t o ne c a n a nd sho uld b e pe rfe c t in a ll situa tio ns a nd re je c ting

a nything le ss

  • A b e lie f tha t pe rfe c tio n c a n pro te c t us fro m pa in, disa ppo intme nt, e tc . a nd

tha t if we a re “pe rfe c t e no ug h” we c a n a c hie ve a pa in-fre e life

  • A b e lie f tha t ha rd wo rk c a n o ve rc o me a ny c ha lle ng e
  • A b e lie f tha t thing s “sho uld b e ” e a sie r tha n the y a c tua lly a re
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SLIDE 14

WHAT I S PE RF E CT I ONI SM?

  • An o ve r-func tio ning o f yo ur fa lse (o r inc o mple te ) se lf
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SLIDE 15
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SLIDE 16

WHAT I S PE RF E CT I ONI SM?

  • Pe rfe c tio nism se e ms po sitive , e ve n he lpful. (And it c a n b e !)
  • (L

e ss he a lthy) Pe rfe c tio nism is a c tua lly a b o ut:

  • F

e a r

  • Co ntro l
  • I

nse c urity

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SLIDE 17

WHAT I S PE RF E CT I ONI SM?

  • I

n yo ur re la tio nship with yo urse lf

  • I

nse c urity

  • I

mpo ssib ly hig h sta nda rds

  • I

nc re dib le wo rk e thic

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SLIDE 18

WHAT I S PE RF E CT I ONI SM?

  • I

n yo ur re la tio nships with o the rs

  • Diffic ulty b e ing vulne ra b le
  • Be ing e xtre me ly c a ring , he lpful, e tc .
  • No t sha ring a b o ut yo ur o wn fe e ling s a nd ne e ds
  • Hig h sta nda rds fo r yo urse lf
  • I

mpo ssib ly hig h sta nda rds fo r o the rs

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SLIDE 19
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SLIDE 20

WHAT I S PE RF E CT I ONI SM?

  • “Clinic a l pe rfe c tio nism”
  • E

xc e ssive

  • Ha s the o ppo site e ffe c t (F

e e ling wo rse a fte r wo rking ha rde r/ a c hie ving mo re ; Do ing a lo t, b ut fe e ling wo rse )

  • Ge ts in the wa y o f da ily living a nd e njo yme nt o f life
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SLIDE 21

WHAT I S PE RF E CT I ONI SM?

  • I

nc re a se d risk o f:

  • Anxie ty
  • De pre ssio n
  • E

a ting diso rde rs

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SLIDE 22
  • “I

’ m no t a pe rfe c tio nist. I f I we re , I ’ d b e do ing thing s pe rfe c tly.”

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SLIDE 23

PE RF E CT I ONI SM AND SE L F

  • DE

VE L OPME NT

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SLIDE 24

PE RF E CT I ONI SM AND SE L F

  • DE

VE L OPME NT

  • Whe n a pe rfe c tio nist is me t with a ta sk, the y c a n:
  • Avo id the ta sk
  • Pe rfo rm the ta sk in a “sub -sta nda rd” wa y
  • Pe rfo rm the ta sk in a wa y tha t te mpo ra rily me e ts the sta nda rd
  • All o f the se le a d to se lf-c ritic ism fo r pe rfe c tio nists
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SLIDE 25

PE RF E CT I ONI SM AND SE L F

  • DE

VE L OPME NT

  • I

de ntity c a n b e c o me fuse d with g o a ls a nd a c hie ve me nts

  • Pe rfe c tio nism ma y b e c o me a fa c e t o f pe rso na lity
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SLIDE 26
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SLIDE 27
  • (Silve rma n, 1999, p. 47)

“Pe rfe c tio nism is a n a fflic tio n o f the g ifte d.”

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SLIDE 28

GI F T E DNE SS & PE RF E CT I ONI SM

  • Re se a rc h sug g e sts:
  • So me g ifte d c hildre n a nd a do le sc e nts ma y b e mo re pe rfe c tio nistic tha n no n-

g ifte d pe e rs, whic h c a n le a d to diffic ultie s in a djustme nt

  • Othe r fa c to rs ma y c o mb ine with g ifte dne ss a nd le a d to pe rfe c tio nism (e x: SE

S, inte ra c tio ns with pa re nts, e tc .)

  • T

he re is suc h a thing a s he a lthy pe rfe c tio nism

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SLIDE 29

GI F T E DNE SS & PE RF E CT I ONI SM

  • Pe rfe c tio nism a nd de ve lo pme nta l a sync hro ny
  • E

xpe c ta tio ns to pe rfo rm a t me nta l a g e

  • Olde r pla yma te s, c la ssma te s se tting hig he r sta nda rds
  • All-o r-no thing thinking
  • Stre ng ths tha t o ve r-func tio n
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SLIDE 30

GI F T E DNE SS & PE RF E CT I ONI SM

  • Co nne c tio ns with o ve re xc ita b ilitie s
  • Psyc ho mo to r o ve re xc ita b ility
  • I

ma g ina l o ve re xc ita b ility

  • E

mo tio na l o ve re xc ita b ility

  • I

nte lle c tua l o ve re xc ita b ility

  • Se nsua l o ve re xc ita b ility
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SLIDE 31

HE AL T HI E R & L E SS HE AL T HY PE RF E CT I ONI SM

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SLIDE 32

HE AL T HI E R & L E SS HE AL T HY PE RF E CT I ONI SM

L e ss he a lthy pe rfe c tio nism

  • Mo tiva te d b y a de sire to pro ve o ne se lf, ple a se o the rs, a nd a vo id c ritic ism
  • “Pe rfe c t” de fine d a s a la c k o f vulne ra b ility, me e ting e xpe c ta tio ns, a nd b e ing

fre e fro m inne r c o nflic t

  • F
  • c us o n the ir o wn impe rfe c tio ns, a vo id ma king o r a llo wing o the rs to disc o ve r

mista ke s

  • Punishing a ttitude
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SLIDE 33

HE AL T HI E R & L E SS HE AL T HY PE RF E CT I ONI SM

L e ss he a lthy pe rfe c tio nism c a n le a d to :

  • Diffic ultie s with ide ntity de ve lo pme nt
  • Re luc ta nc e to try ne w thing s
  • Stro ng disliking o f b e ing wro ng
  • Ne g a tive se lf-e va lua tio ns
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SLIDE 34

HE AL T HI E R & L E SS HE AL T HY PE RF E CT I ONI SM

L e ss he a lthy pe rfe c tio nism c a n le a d to :

  • Unre a listic sta nda rds, wo rk lo a ds
  • F

e a r o f fa ilure a s mo tiva ting

  • Pre o c c upa tio n with o the rs’ o pinio ns
  • Ne ve r re sting
  • Mo o d a nd a nxie ty sympto ms
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SLIDE 35
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SLIDE 36

HE AL T HI E R & L E SS HE AL T HY PE RF E CT I ONI SM

  • Sympto ms a sso c ia te d le ss he a lthy pe rfe c tio nism
  • Wo rry
  • L
  • w mo o d
  • T

ire dne ss a nd/ o r Po o r sle e p

  • Rumina ting (o r e ve n o b se ssing )
  • Musc le te nsio n
  • Rig id tho ug ht pa tte rns
  • Che c king a nd re -c he c king b e ha vio r
  • Spe nding e xc e ssive time o n ta sks
  • Pro c ra stina tio n/ a vo ida nc e
  • L

e ss insig ht/ se lf-a wa re ne ss

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SLIDE 37
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SLIDE 38

HE AL T HI E R & L E SS HE AL T HY PE RF E CT I ONI SM

He a lthie r pe rfe c tio nism

  • Mo tiva te d b y se lf-a c tua liza tio n a nd de ve lo pme nt
  • Ma ke s spa c e fo r se lf-a c c e pta nc e , c o mpa ssio n fo r o ne ’ s o wn

sho rtc o ming s

  • Ha s a n a wa re ne ss o f a nd is e ne rg ize d b y o ne ’ s po te ntia l
  • Ma y ha ve the g o a ls o f o rde r

, o rg a niza tio n, a nd trying o ne ’ s ha rde st

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SLIDE 39

HE AL T HI E R & L E SS HE AL T HY PE RF E CT I ONI SM

He a lthie r pe rfe c tio nism c a n le a d to

  • Ha rd wo rk a ime d a t b uilding skills
  • L
  • o king fo r o ppo rtunitie s to impro ve q ua lity o f wo rk
  • Ste lla r pe rfo rma nc e (a c a de mic , a thle tic , music a l, e tc .)
  • Cre a tivity/ thinking o utside the b o x
  • Po sitive se lf-e ste e m
  • Be ing mo tiva te d b y po sitive o utc o me s
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SLIDE 40

HE AL T HI E R & L E SS HE AL T HY PE RF E CT I ONI SM

He a lthie r pe rfe c tio nism inc lude s the a b ility to :

  • Admit b e ing wro ng
  • T
  • le ra te ma king mista ke s
  • Ce le b ra te a c hie ve me nts
  • T

he ir o wn a nd o the rs’

  • T

a ke b re a ks

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SLIDE 41

HE AL T HI E R & L E SS HE AL T HY PE RF E CT I ONI SM

  • Re fle c tio n
  • Whe n do I

sho w sig ns o f he a lthie r a nd le ss he a lthy pe rfe c tio nism?

  • Whe n do e s my c hild sho w sig ns o f he a lthie r a nd le ss he a lthy pe rfe c tio nism?
  • Ho w do I

unde rsta nd this a b o ut myse lf a nd my c hild?

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SLIDE 42

MOVI NG T OWARD HE AL T HI E R PE RF E CT I ONI SM

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SLIDE 43

T HE GOL DI L OCK S PARADI GM

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SLIDE 44
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SLIDE 45

T HE GOL DI L OCK S ZONE

Ho urs spe nt studying Gra de Sa nity

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SLIDE 46

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • Se tting re a so na b le g o a ls
  • De fining ide ntity (o utside o f a c hie ve me nts)
  • T

e a c hing b o unda rie s a nd ma na g ing a vo ida nc e

  • Gro wth mindse t a nd ma na g ing se lf-c ritic ism
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SLIDE 47

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • Se tting re a so na b le g o a ls
  • He a lthy g o a ls
  • F

le xib le a nd o pe n…use ra ng e s

  • I

n o ur c o ntro l

  • Re me mb e r the sta tistic s a nd Go ldilo c ks
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SLIDE 48

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • SMART

Go a ls

  • Spe c ific
  • Me a sure a b le
  • Ac hie va b le
  • Re le va nt
  • T

ime ly

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SLIDE 49

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • Wha t to do whe n yo ur c hild do e sn’ t a c hie ve a g o a l
  • T

a ke a c o uple de e p b re a ths

  • Re me mb e r a nd re mind yo ur c hild tha t it is no rma l fo r thing s to no t wo rk o ut

so me time s

  • T
  • g e the r

, to le ra te the disc o mfo rt o f thing s no t wo rking o ut

  • Pro c e ss this a nd mo urn/ g rie ve
  • De fine ide ntity a s se pa ra te fro m g o a ls a nd a c hie ve me nts
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SLIDE 50

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • De fining ide ntity
  • Re me mb e r the turtle !
  • De mo nstra te unde rsta nding o f stre ng ths a nd we a kne sse s
  • Spe a k po sitive ly a b o ut like ne ss a nd diffe re nc e
  • E

mb ra c e divisio n o f la b o r in the fa mily

  • Ado pt a g ro wth mindse t
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SLIDE 51

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • DE

F I NI NG I DE NT I T Y

  • Allo w fo r (a nd e nc o ura g e ) he a lthy se lf-e xplo ra tio n
  • He lp kids e xplo re fro m a se c ure b a se
  • Pro vide o ptio ns, whe ne ve r po ssib le
  • Ask a b o ut like s a nd dislike s
  • F
  • ste r yo ur c hild’ s ta le nts a nd inte re sts (in a dditio n to g ifte dne ss)
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SLIDE 52

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • DE

F I NI NG I DE NT I T Y

  • Allo w fo r (a nd e nc o ura g e ) he a lthy se lf-e xpre ssio n
  • E

nc o ura g e a ppro pria te se lf e xpre ssio n

  • Allo w g ra c e ful, re spe c tful disa g re e me nt
  • Ma ke spa c e fo r he a lthy re b e llio n
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SLIDE 53

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • Wha t to do whe n yo ur c hild do e sn’ t a c hie ve a g o a l
  • T

a ke a c o uple de e p b re a ths

  • Re me mb e r a nd re mind yo ur c hild tha t it is no rma l fo r thing s to no t wo rk o ut

so me time s

  • T
  • g e the r

, to le ra te the disc o mfo rt o f thing s no t wo rking o ut

  • Pro c e ss this a nd mo urn/ g rie ve
  • De fine ide ntity a s se pa ra te fro m g o a ls a nd a c hie ve me nts
  • Wo rk to g e the r to find a wa y fo rwa rd
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SLIDE 54

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • Wha t to do whe n yo ur c hild do e s a c hie ve a g o a l:
  • He lp the m le a rn to ta ke a c o mplime nt a nd e njo y pra ise
  • Ac kno wle dg e the ir ha rd wo rk
  • Re c o g nize a nd e xpre ss tha t yo ur c hild ha s va lue o utside o f me e ting the g o a l
  • T

a ke a b re a k

  • Pro c e ss the e xpe rie nc e
  • Wo rk to g e the r to find a wa y fo rwa rd
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SLIDE 55

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • RE

F L E CT I ON

  • Ho w c a n yo u wo rk o n g o a l se tting a t ho me ?
  • Wha t a re yo u do ing we ll in se tting g o a ls a nd re spo nding to a c hie ve me nts o r

no t a c hie ving g o a ls a t ho me ?

  • Ho w c a n/ do yo u suppo rt se lf-de ve lo pme nt o f yo ur c hildre n?
  • Wha t mig ht yo u do diffe re ntly re g a rding g o a ls a t ho me ?
  • Ma ke a pla n fo r c o ntinuing to wo rk o n this a t ho me .
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SLIDE 56

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • T

e a c hing b o unda rie s

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SLIDE 57
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SLIDE 58

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • T

e a c hing b o unda rie s: a ma the ma tic a l a ppro a c h

  • Po int o f diminishe d re turn
  • At wha t c o st?
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SLIDE 59

T HE GOL DI L OCK S ZONE

Re turn E ffo rt

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SLIDE 60

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • T

e a c hing b o unda rie s

  • Mo de l this!!! Be c a re ful a b o ut ho w muc h yo u e xpe c t yo urse lf a nd yo ur c hild to

ta ke o n

  • T

e a c h c hildre n to re spe c tfully de c line o ppo rtunitie s

  • “No , tha nk yo u.”
  • De fine “c a pa c ity”
  • Co nside r sa c rific e s: “Ho w c o uld we ma ke this wo rk? ”
  • Co nside r yo ur va lue s a nd ne e ds
  • Wha t a b o ut se lf-c a re ? !?
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SLIDE 61

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • RE

F L E CT I ON

  • Ho w a m I

do ing with b o unda rie s?

  • Ho w do / c a n I

suppo rt my c hild in se tting b o unda rie s?

  • Wha t do e s se lf-c a re lo o k like in o ur ho me ?
  • Ho w do o ur c ho ic e s re fle c t o ur va lue s?
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SLIDE 62

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • Ma na g ing a vo ida nc e
  • AK

A: Pro c ra stina tio n

  • Ca use d b y a nxie ty a b o ut b e ing pe rfe c t
  • T

he re is re a l risk o f fa ilure , b ut the fe a r o f it is c rippling

  • Avo ida nc e pe rpe tua te s lo w mo o d, lo w se lf-e ste e m, se lf-sha ming
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SLIDE 63
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SLIDE 64
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SLIDE 65
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SLIDE 66

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • Ma na g ing a vo ida nc e / pro c ra stina tio n
  • Ge ntly c ha lle ng e the a vo ida nc e (b e c a use it ma ke s a nxie ty wo rse )
  • E

xpe c t a nxie ty

  • Wo rk to ma na g e (no t e limina te ) a nxie ty
  • Bre a k ta sks do wn into sma lle r ta sks a nd re wa rd pro g re ss
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SLIDE 67
  • Ho w do we ma na g e a nxie ty a t ho me ?
  • Ho w c a n we re duc e a vo ida nc e a nd pro c ra stina tio n a t ho me ?
  • Are the re no n-sc ho o l a re a s whe re I

’ m se e ing pro c ra stina tio n (e x: c ho re s)? Ho w c o uld we b re a k do wn tho se ta sks to b e mo re ma na g e a b le ?

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SLIDE 68

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • Ado pting a “Gro wth mindse t”
  • F
  • c us o n the pro c e ss
  • Mo de l a nd pra c tic e pa tie nc e
  • Mo de l a nd ma ke spa c e fo r g ra c e ful fa ilure
  • Spe c ific a lly a nd re pe a te dly sa y tha t it’ s OK

to b e wro ng , e ve n tho ug ht it mig ht b e unc o mfo rta b le

  • Sho w se lf-c o mpa ssio n whe n yo u a re wro ng
  • T

ry ne w thing s to g e the r

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SLIDE 69

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • Ado pting a “Gro wth mindse t” (c o ntinue d)
  • Va lue le a rning a nd re fining
  • E

mpha size fun

  • Mo ra l vic to rie s (I

kno w, I kno w)

  • Se t ra ng e s a nd ma ke spa c e fo r (re a so na b le ) inc o nsiste nc y
  • Re -fra ming (pe rfe c tio n vs. e xc e lle nc e )
  • Ac kno wle dg e tha t it is no rma l to ma ke mista ke s a nd fa il
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SLIDE 70

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • Ma na g ing se lf-c ritic ism
  • Be c o me s re le ntle ss with pe rfe c tio nism
  • L

e a rn to ma na g e fe e db a c k (o r c ritic ism) fro m o the rs

  • Ca n c o ntrib ute to de pre ssio n
  • Po ssib ility fo r g re a te r pa re nta l pre ssure to “live up to ” the ir a b ilitie s
  • Suppo rt the de ve lo pme nt o f c o re c o nfide nc e
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SLIDE 71
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SLIDE 72

HE L PI NG AT HOME

  • RE

F L E CT I ON

  • Whe n do I

use a g ro wth mindse t? Whe n is this ha rd fo r me ?

  • Ho w a re we using g ro wth-o rie nte d la ng ua g e a t ho me a nd ho w c o uld we

impro ve this?

  • Ho w se lf-c ritic a l a m I

? Ho w se lf-c ritic a l is my c hild? Ho w c a n we wo rk o n se lf-c ritic ism?

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SLIDE 73

RE F E RE NCE S

  • Britta in, K

. M. (2009). Danc e / Mo ve me nt T he rapy: A Pro po se d I nte rve ntio n fo r Me e ting the Unique Psyc ho so c ial Ne e ds o f Hig hly Gifte d Childre n.

  • K
  • rnb lum, M. & Ainle y, M. (2005). Pe rfe c tio nism a nd the g ifte d: A study o f a n

Austra lia n sc ho o l sa mple . I nte rnatio nal E duc atio n Jo urnal. 6(2), pp. 232-239.

  • Sc hule r

, P.A. (2000). Pe rfe c tio nism a nd Gifte d Ado le sc e nts. T he Jo urnal o f S e c o ndary Gifte d E duc atio n. pp. 183-196.

  • Silve rma n, L

.K . (2007). Pe rfe c tio nism: T he Cruc ib le o f Gifte dne ss. Gifte d E duc atio n I nte rnatio nal. Vo l. 23, pp. 233-245.