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teenagers, like adults need to decompress after a long school day, so it is probably not the best idea to badger them immediately when they come home from school with questions about school and homework. Give them that time to decompress and ask later.  Homework: Is time devoted to homework? At St. John’s with the rigorous curriculum‐‐‐2‐3 hours a night is not uncommon. Of course that would fluctuate, and not every night would be that much.  For the student who does not do any activities—work with your student to find out what motivates him/her‐‐‐ ‐‐for if their chosen activity is selected it just to please a parent—that participation will not be sustainable—it will produce just short term results. Finding an activity that they will like will produce more long term results. (Ex: if they like art‐‐‐try to attend a museum with your child). Authority:  Consistency is key: Between mother and father: this prevents kids from playing one parent against the other

• parent. Parents demonstrating a united front are very
• important. Consistency in our responses is important.

 Choosing expediency over consistency is a huge mistake (i.e. cleaning his room for him/her because it is easier and quicker to do yourself)

 Don’t expect to get validation from your child on raising them or discipline issues—this comes from other adults and/or parent groups  Don’t engage in verbal battles (i.e. verbal tug of war)— when you have to say “NO”, it is ok to walk away when your student wants to engage in verbal sparring or

• negotiations. It is important to role‐model for your child

how to calm down in heated situations. If your child is yelling to get their point across—you can state, “When you are calmed down‐‐‐we can talk.” This puts the control back to you as a parent, and models for them what a productive environment needs to be to discuss conflicts.  THE MORE YOU GIVE IN TO NEGOTIATING WITH YOUR CHILD—THE MORE YOU ARE TRAINING YOUR CHILD NOT TO ACCEPT LIMITS  If an issue has to be revisited‐‐‐determine a time that is usually a stress free time—(perhaps on the weekend) and not at say, the end of the week or late at night— when everybody is tired.  Consequences for unacceptable behaviour/actions are

• needed. Type of consequences is determined by degree
• r extreme of the unacceptable behaviour or action.

 Be firm, but not rude, demeaning or nasty when expressing your authority.

 Be realistic when it comes to setting limits. For example‐‐‐setting a curfew for 9:30pm for a teenager on a weekend is likely not going to be realistic or enforceable.  Pick your battles‐‐‐but make sure the battles you pick are ones that you can win.

 Remember: Raising teenagers is an on‐going, always

changing process. It changes often with new challenges. Teenagers test limits. That is part of their DNA.