Resistance as a Resource Dale H. Emery www.dhemery.com 1 An - PDF document

Resistance as a Resource Dale H. Emery www.dhemery.com 1

An Experiment 2 Three Definitions, Three Perspectives Resistance is any response that I don � t like. From this perspective, it is the change agent � s likes and dislikes that determine whether a response is resistance. Though we change agents don � t admit that this is what we mean by resistance, we often act as if this is what we mean. Resistance is any force that opposes change. In this perspective, what makes someone � s response resistance is that it opposes some change. This definition puts the change itself front and center. On the surface, this is a more neutral view of resistance. But when we change agents use this definition of resistance, we often wield it with the assumption that the change is good, and therefore the resistance is bad. Resistance is any response that maintains the status quo. The focus here, the standard by which we determine whether a response is resistance, is the effect of the response with relation to the status quo. This definition acknowledges the intentions of the person who is resisting: they are trying to preserve something that matters to them.

Examples of Resistance What I want the person to do: What the person is doing or saying: 3 What you want the person to do. Describe the specific, concrete actions that you want the person to do. Try to describe what you want in sensory terms: What would you see and hear that lets you know that the person is doing what you want? Be as specific as you can. What the person is doing or saying. Try to describe the person � s words or actions in sensory terms: What do you see them doing or hear them saying? It can be tempting here to describe the person � s thoughts or feelings or attitude: “They � re afraid to try something new” or “they think it � s a bad idea.” Try to avoid mindreading here. Instead, focus on what you seem them doing or hear them saying.

Realities of Resistance Resistance = Control + Differing Points of View The Harsh Reality of Resistance You can not control the other person The Hopeful Reality of Resistance You can sometimes change a point of view 4 Control and differing points of view. If I � m getting resistance, then I can count on two things being true. First, the other person is in control of whether to do what I ask. Second, their point of view about the change differs from mine. The Harsh Reality of Resistance. I cannot make another person do anything . People always decide for themselves how they will respond to my proposals, my requests, and even my demands. What's more, no matter how brilliant my ideas, people always choose their responses based on their own point of view and not on mine. The Hopeful Reality of Resistance. I can sometimes change a point of view — either my own or someone else's. Sometimes I can influence a person to accept my point of view and to do what I ask. Sometimes I learn something new, adopt the other person's point of view, and drop my request. Sometimes, as I work to understand the other person, the two of us end up at a third point of view, different from where either of us started, and we both change in ways we hadn't expected. In each case, the resistance has vanished.

Resolving Resistance To resolve resistance The first step: Understand the other person Turn up your curiosity and empathy! 5 Build a Shared Point of View If you want to resolve resistance, you must build mutually compatible points of view with the people who are not doing what you ask. You might attempt this by redoubling your effort to persuade, by trying to explain your viewpoint so clearly, so brilliantly, and so convincingly that the other person is won over. Unfortunately, there are problems with this method. One is that it requires you to know what information the person would find clear, brilliant, and convincing. Another is that people are not always open to being convinced. A more reliable method — the key to resolving resistance — is to become curious about the other person � s point of view, and empathetic to their needs. Overcoming Resistance versus Resolving Resistance This presentation is not about how to overcome resistance. Striving to overcome resistance means holding tightly onto your perspective. The tighter you hold, the less you learn about the other person � s perspective. The less you understand the other person, the less hope you have of changing their mind. And the less hope you have of learning whatever wisdom their perspective can provide. My approach is not to overcome resistance, but to resolve it. To resolve resistance, I must be willing to change my own perspective.

Your Reasons Think of a time someone asked you to do something and you chose not to do it What were your reasons? Think of a time someone asked you to do something and you chose to do it What were your reasons? 6 What I � m asking for here are not reasons that someone might have for accepting or rejecting a request, but real examples of your reasons from your experience.

What Factors Affect Resistance? Motivations about the change Communication about the change Your relationship The organizational environment 7 Four Factors that Affect Resistance I have asked hundreds of people about their reasons for doing or not doing something that another person had asked them to do. From their answers, I have identified four broad factors that affect how people decide whether or not to do what another person asks: • Motivations about the change • Communication about the change • The relationship with the person making the request • Influences from the environment

Resistance as a Resource Resistance always carries information … … about motivations, communication, relationships, and environment This information is a valuable resource to guide your next steps 8 Resistance as a Resource A great way to learn about someone � s point of view about a change is to explore their responses — especially the responses that strike you as resistance. Every response carries valuable information, clues about the person, about the environment around you, about your request, or about yourself. Treat each response as a precious resource. Clues About the Four Factors The way people respond to your requests gives you clues to what people are thinking and feeling about the four resistance factors—motivations, communication, relationship, and environment. If you can interpret these clues, they can give you new options for resolving resistance. You just might end up with an outcome even better than what you were asking for. Interpreting the Clues Let � s take a look at each of the four resistance factors. We � ll explore what makes each factor important, how to interpret resistance for clues about each factor, and how those clues can give ideas for resolving resistance.

Why Motivation Matters The Broccoli Principle If they won � t eat it, it doesn � t matter how healthy it is 9 Broccoli is healthy. You want your kids to be healthy, so you want them to eat broccoli. Unfortunately, your kids won't eat broccoli. It tastes oogie. It looks wicked gross. And George H. W. Bush made it okay to just say no to the stuff. All of that healthy broccoli is of little use if it stays on the plate. That's The Broccoli Principle : It doesn't matter how healthy it is if they won't eat it. The Broccoli Principle applies to your proposals, too, and not just to yucky healthy food. No matter how beneficial you perceive your proposal to be, your impeccable idea will produce little value if people won't adopt it. And people will adopt or reject your proposal for their reasons, not for yours . If you want people to adopt your proposals, understand their reasons—that is, their values and expectations —and relate your proposal to their reasons.

The MARV Model of Motivation Motivation comes from expectations about: � Ability: Can I do it? � Results: What will happen? � Value: Do I want that? Motivation = Ability x Results x Value 10 The MARV Model of Motivation • People will do anything if: • They believe they are able • They believe they have a reasonably clear idea of what the results will be • On balance, they want the results they expect Each factor is important. If people are convinced that they will not be able to do a given action, they will be less likely to try, even if they would enjoy succeeding. If they have no idea what might happen, they will be less likely to try, even if they believe they are able. If they don't want the results they expect, they will be less likely to do the action, even if they believe they are able. Not Quite Math Motivation = Ability � Results � Value. Don't take this "equation" seriously as being mathematically precise. I use it only as a handy summary of my Motivation Model. Each factor (confidence in ability, certainty about what will happen, strength of preference) can be high or low. If any factor is near zero, motivation will be low. And values have not only magnitude but also valence (or sign)—we may be attracted to a given result (positive valence) or averse to it (negative valence).