Raising Happy & Resilient Children By Dr Michael Carr-Gregg 22 - - PDF document

Raising Happy & Resilient Children

By Dr Michael Carr-Gregg 22nd May 2018

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 Dr Michael Carr-Gregg started ‘Canteen’ teen cancer charity, appears on Channel 7’s Sunrise as expert as well as other accomplishments  When children say “Oh but I need to study on the computer” there’s an app called “cold turkey” which keeps them focused on studying & not playing games or on Facebook.  Most Vulnerable Generation.  Teach self-regulation early which will be a great asset in older years.  Order of birth is irrelevant. The degree of attachment is what matters.

4 Key Problem Signs

• 1. Do they have friends?
• Emulates negativity.
• Kids in Grade 1 haven’t got the skills – you need to organise the play dates.
• 2. How they Emancipate from adult carers:
• (for kids aged late primary/early secondary school)
• What is their level of independence? Can they go into the shops to get some

milk without worrying?

• kids with mild to moderate anxiety; checkout ‘The Brave Program’ online

which has programs for 8-12yo & teens.

• Anxiety & depression often go together, check out ‘Mood Gym’ program for

teens.

• ‘Reach Out, Breathe’ app.
• 3. Understands & enjoys School.
• 4. Do they have a Spark?
• Something that they feel passionate about?
• Dr Carr-Gregg spoke about how his son was very into cricket. How they

went to Sydney for two days worth of tournaments they took his mates with

• them. They were tired, mentally drained but that meant that they wouldn’t go

down the Kings Cross & shoot up with heroin :D If there interested in something & they enjoy it, they can have two sparks even. It keeps them happy, busy & satisfied that they won’t go looking for something to keep them happy.

• An Hour of Screen time = an Hour of Green time.

Raising Happy & Resilient Children

By Dr Michael Carr-Gregg 22nd May 2018

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Depression: Signs & Symptoms.

 Feeling or saying that they are Worthless  Withdrawn from friends  No energy  Thoughts of self-harm  Very angry when they never used to be  Changes in eating or sleeping  Isolation

Resilience: 5 Key Characteristics

Dr Emmy studied an island off Hawaii’s mainland, Kauai. The island had high amounts of unemployment, teenage pregnancies, drug usage, unstable households,

• etc. She studied the children on the island for 14 years. She found that 1/3 of the

teens of all the children turned out resilient due to the following…

• 1. Charismatic Adult

having an adult in their life they made them feel safe & valued them.

• 2. Social/Emotional Competencies.
• Kids problem solving
• had watched the interactions that the above Charismatic Adult had & copied

how they had handled situations the same way.

• 3. Flexible Self Talk.
• Positive inner self talk
• Nigel Latter written a book call ‘Politically Incorrect Parenting’
• Listen to your kids in Primary School – intervene if their talk/opinion is very

black & white

• 4. Islands of Competence (aka. A Spark)
• Having support from the Charismatic Adult to take on a sport or activity in

which the child has taken an interest in.

• 5. sorry didn’t write the 5th thing down ☹

Raising Happy & Resilient Children

By Dr Michael Carr-Gregg 22nd May 2018

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Secrets of Happiness / Sense of Well Being

 If you can’t change it – Change the way we respond to it.

• Dr Michael Carr-Gregg’s brother died on a plane in the Congo Jungle. He

received the call from the Dept of Affairs office advising him that the plane had crashed but had to wait 48hrs to confirm if anyone had survived. They didn’t. He then had to inform the wife of his brother, their children & his elderly parents of the news. The sons then started ‘fantasizing the father’s death’; that he had suffered, that he had died this way, that this had happened, etc. He sat down with both of his nephews separately to reframe the death. * He told the boys that he was reassured by the aviation doctor that their Dad had died from the deacceleration that the plane was going at. * That their Dad died doing what he loved doing. * That he loved the Congo, he died in a country he loved & not some lame town like Islington. * He died knowing it was a privilege to have been my brother – he said that they didn’t quite agree 😋 * He died being proud of his kids. * Dr Michael said that after Phillip Hughes (the cricketeer) had died, he got the call from Koshie asking him to come on the tv to explain to parents how they tell their kids about Phillip Hughes passing away. He said that he used the same technique of reframing. Phillip died loving what he did. Because of his death, the sport is a lot safer for it, etc. etc. * ‘Good Thinking’ a teenagers guide to managing stress.  Focus on the good bits!

• Start a bedtime or dinner time routine of asking what 3 great things

happened today? This rewires the brain into positive thinking.

• ‘Three Good Things’ app will remind you to think about this & to write it

down.  When we’re together – everything is better.

• teenagers not handling breakups – ‘breakup shakeup’ app
• Sleep – Diet – Exercise key things for growing kids.
• be active
• ‘Smiling Mind’ app for meditation
• ‘Couch to 5k’ app to help with running
• Being mindful. Taking time to relax your brain & do nothing.

 Find time to lose yourself in what you love.

• ’11 Must See TED talks’ websites

 Feeling good about the future

• Need goals to motivate & challenging enough to excite, but also achievable.
• ‘Soon is the everyday bucket list’ app

Raising Happy & Resilient Children

By Dr Michael Carr-Gregg 22nd May 2018

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 If you wanna feel good – do good.

• 3 acts of kindness per day.
• Divide kids pocket money into 3; Save, Spend & Give.

 Don’t compare your insides with others outsides.

• Don’t dwell on flaws
• Author Kaz Cooke has books for girls: ‘Real Gorgeous’ & ‘Girl Stuff’

 The Meaning of Life is a Life with Meaning.

• look for teachable moments.

 Looking after yourself as a Parent & Partner..

• Author John Gottman’s 4 tips
• 1. 5 to 1 ratio of positive comments to negative.
• 2. 6 second kisses
• 3. 20 second hugs
• 4. Touch

 Primary Love Language that your partner responds to…

• Words of Affirmation
• Physical Touch
• Receiving Gifts
• Quality Time
• Acts of Service

 Quote by Tony Blair (former British PM) Children makeup only 20% of the population But they are 100% of our future.

Q&A Time..

 Teenagers & Alcohol

• MIR comparison on brain of a teenager whom drinks & one who doesn’t –

the memory section of the drinker’s brain is much smaller.

• their brain is still a work in progress
• Female brain controls & rewires itself up until 23 years of age.
• Male brain is fully developed at 27 years of age.
• Dr Carr-Gregg’s opinion – don’t fight your teenager re: a dirty room. It’s just

not worth it.

• Facts & videos on the ‘Drink Wise’ website why alcohol & teenage brains

don’t mix.  Social Media negativity

• It’s impossible to ban.
• When something bad online happens (bullying, paedophile etc.), promise

me to: ~ Block the person ~ Get the evidence ~ tell me about it. You will not get in trouble for it.

Raising Happy & Resilient Children

By Dr Michael Carr-Gregg 22nd May 2018

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• Tell your kids not to post anything that you wouldn’t want your Parents,

Principal, Policeman or a Paedophile to see.

• ‘Sex, Texts & Selfies’ book
• ‘iParent’ app

 If there is a history of depression in a parent, will the kids get it?

• there is a 40% of a predisposition to depression.
• everyone has the gene but what turns it on? Not always a major event.

 Kid depressed but won’t see a doctor.

• Dr Carr-Gregg will often speak to the parent & get their version of events &

ask about “their four worlds” (I think he said friends, family, self-talk??) then he will make an educated guess on the discussion using their four worlds. He will often send parents home with homework on what they can do.

• Sometimes he will Skype the child to say ‘I’ve spoken with your parents but

now I want to hear your side of things’. They can talk to him in the safety of their own home/room & can exit out of the conversation whenever they want to.  Kid using Anxiety as an excuse for bad behaviour/rudeness.

• It’s no excuse.
• Dr Carr-Gregg will say “I can see you’re upset so we’ll talk later.” Then just

walk away. They then can’t retaliate.

• ‘Princess Bitchface’ book explains when you have a teenager who just won’t

stop talking & keeps getting in your face, just walk off into the toilet. If they’re still at the toilet door, still talking away. Get up close to the door, strip off then open the door & ask them what they want to talk about :D  How to de-escalate a super angry kid?

• 3 things behind anger; fear, frustration, hurt.
• If they’re not capable of answering & are all fired up. “I can see you’re
• upset. We’ll talk later.”
• Don’t allow them to punch walls. Tell them that it will come out of their

pocket money.

• Primary School kids – Time-Outs if done properly.

4 years old = 4 minutes 5 years old = 5 minutes.

• 2 year olds who have tantrums. Just take them out of the trolley. Leave the

trolley in the supermarket. Then just go & sit on the bench out the front. Keep doing this every time. They’ll do it 6 times but they won’t do it on the 7th time cause they know nothing will happen, they’ll just sit on a bench & that’s no fun.  Daughter’s friend has said she is suicidal & not to tell anyone

• It’s not the kids responsibility to hold onto a secret like that.
• Kids aren’t psychologists – they’re not trained to handle this.
• Tell an adult & get it resolved.

 Autism kids & depression. Very complexed. See Tony Atwood online for information.

• World Health Organisation predicts this will be the largest health issue.

Raising Happy & Resilient Children

By Dr Michael Carr-Gregg 22nd May 2018

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3 Tips from the Founder of “Where there is a Will” foundation,

• 1. Your Gut instinct is the most precious thing you have

A mother from Armidale knew there was something wrong with her daughter so she packed a lunch & took her daughter for a drive. She pulled over on the side of a back road, locked the doors & said ‘we’re not getting out of this car until you tell me what’s going on!’. 3 hours later, lots of tears & a tantrum later & she found out that her daughter had anorexia.

• 2. Own your own children’s worries

Don’t outsource your kids.

• 3. For Kids learning how to drive

Parent – you have 120 hours of time with your kids in the car doing 80km/h. Yes it’s hard, but use this time to talk with your kids. The organisers of the “Where There Is A Will” Foundation fundraise throughout the year to provide free training & presentations (like this one) on Mental Health to people of the Upper Hunter, NSW. They organised for Dr Michael Carr-Gregg to speak to hundreds of teachers, parents & care-givers in May 2018. I did my best to take accurate notes. They were originally just notes for myself & Karson to use in years to come. See the following websites for further information… https://uhwheretheresawill.com.au/ http://michaelcarrgregg.com/