LEADING BY GOING THE DISTANCE Se ssio n 3: Ac c o unta b ility - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

LEADING BY GOING THE DISTANCE

Se ssio n 3: Ac c o unta b ility – Giving F e e db a c k

De c e mb e r 19, 2017 Sta rb o a rd L e a de rship Co nsulting L a ura Mitc he ll lm@ sta rb o a rdle a de rship.c o m

EFFECTIVE MANAGEMENT

Tasks

• Delegate work and

roles/responsibilities

• Create motivating

environments

• Coach employees up
• Build cohesive,

effective teams

• Manage sideways and

up

Goals

• Maximize what each

employee has to offer

• While earning their

loyalty

• And building their
• wnership and

excitement for the work and results of the company

PRINCIPLE # 1: OWNERSHIP FOR RESULTS

Low Bar High Bar

Low bar = the minimum threshold for acceptable behavior (below which employment termination is an easy decision) High Bar = the behavioral expectations you collectively agree on are critical to being smart and healthy This gap = your culture differentiator and the source of most managerial challenges

PRINCIPLE # 2: CLEAR AND HIGH EXPECTATIONS

DELEGATING REVIEW: OWNERSHIP & EXPECTATIONS

• 1. Wha t do e s suc c e ss lo o k like ?
• 2. Whe n is it due ?
• 3. Who e lse ne e ds to b e invo lve d?
• 4. Wha t re so urc e s a re a va ila b le ?
• 5. Why do e s the wo rk ma tte r?
• 6. Wha t ha s wo rke d we ll pre vio usly?
• 7. Are yo u re a lly o n the sa me pa g e ?

Se ve n pie c e s o f info rma tio n ma tte r

PRINCIPLE # 3: ADAPT YOUR APPROACH

D i C S

TODAY’S FOCUS: PRINCIPLE #4

Co nsiste nt Ac c o unta b ility & F e e db a c k

Making str ate gic choice s habitually to talk about uncomfor table topics with anothe r pe r son to he lp the m be come mor e succe ssful and str e ngthe n your r e lationship.

WARM UP: HOLD THIS PERSON IN YOUR MIND

Pe rha ps this is so me o ne :

• Yo u g a ve fe e db a c k to in the pa st a nd the y b e c a me

hig hly e mo tio na l o r de fe nsive

• Who yo u wo rry tha t ho ne st fe e db a c k will “b re a k”
• With who m yo u’ re simply no t sure ho w to b ring up the

issue s

• Yo u a re c urre ntly wo rking “a ro und” b y g iving wo rk

a sso c ia te d with he r po sitio n to o the rs

• With who m it fe e ls e a sie r just to to le ra te a lo we r le ve l o f

pe rfo rma nc e – a fte r a ll, the y mig ht le a ve in a ye a r

T hink o f a n e mplo ye e yo u ha ve fo und c ha lle ng ing to c o a c h o r pro vide fe e db a c k to – a pe rso n who m yo u ha ve a vo ide d de a ling with a t time s.

Se lf Asse ssme nt Wha t a re yo ur na tura l c o nflic t te nde nc ie s?

WARM UP: DiSC IN CONFLICT

CONFLICT SELF ASSESSMENT

• Our re la tio nship to c o nflic t is a nc ho re d in a

histo ry o f ha b it…

• And the no rms o f o ur c ulture …
• And the no rms within individua l

wo rkpla c e s…

• And influe nc e d b y so c ie ta l ste re o type s.

What other factors have shaped your approach to conflict?

CONFLICT SELF-ASSESSMENT

• T

hinking a b o ut yo ur pa st, we re yo u a lwa ys mo re o f a fig hte r? Or did yo u te nd to a c c o mmo da te

• the rs?
• L
• o k b a c k o ve r pa rtic ula r mo me nts o f c o nflic t

e a rly in yo ur life a nd c a re e r—we re yo u re wa rde d

• r punishe d fo r yo ur a ppro a c h?
• Whe n yo u think a b o ut c o nflic t no w, do yo u g e t a

pit in yo ur sto ma c h a nd fe e l like fle e ing ? Or do e s yo u he a rt ra c e a nd yo u fe e l the urg e to jump in?

• T

he la st time te nsio n wa s hig h with so me o ne a t wo rk o r a t ho me , ho w did yo u re a c t?

GROWTH-FOCUSED FEEDBACK

Positive Feedback

• Accelerate

learning and growth Developmental Feedback

• Promote

learning and growth

• Close gaps

Corrective Feedback

• Close gaps
• Promote

learning and growth Informal Warning

• Alert

employees – they are not where they need to be; there are serious gaps

Natural Consequences

The Start of Progressive Discipline This is a Bottom -Line Conversation!

Most m anagers need to focus m ore here!

TYPES OF FEEDBACK

• Positive feedbac k

– Re c o g nize s whe n a n e mplo ye e is do ing

we ll

• Developmental (Constr

uc tive) feedbac k

– Sha re s wa ys a g o o d e mplo ye e c o uld do

e ve n b e tte r

• Cor

r ec tive feedbac k

– Co nve ys thing s tha t must c ha ng e in o rde r

fo r the e mplo ye e to me e t yo ur e xpe c ta tio ns

WONDERFUL THINGS TO SAY OFTEN

• “I

re ally value yo ur input.”

• “Gre at jo b e ve ryo ne !”
• “Thank you.”
• “Wo w, way to go !”
• “I

re ally appreciate yo ur wo rk o n this pro je c t!”

• Yo u are awe so me !!

…but not examples of effec tive positive feedbac k!

HARMFUL THINGS TO SAY

• “What we re yo u thinking?” (aske d

rhe to ric ally)

• “I

do n’t kno w why we ’re ge tting this info rmatio n just be fo re the me e ting, but I gue ss we ’ll have to go ahe ad and talk abo ut it.”

• “Do yo u ne e d me to do yo ur jo b fo r yo u?”
• “Gre at jo b e ve ryo ne , but re me mbe r to turn

in yo ur time she e ts pro mptly and le ave the building c le an.”

…and also not examples of effec tive feedbac k

BASIC FEEDBACK STRUCTURE

• Name the issue
• Describe the behavior you’ve observed in a short sentence
• Give examples
• State the impact of that behavior on you and/or others
• When appropriate, probe for reasons why
• Make a recommendation OR
• Clearly describe your expectations moving forward
• Follow-up after an appropriate interval of time if it’s developmental
• r corrective feedback

PREPARING FOR FEEDBACK

• Re fle c t b e fo re ha nd o n wha t the re a l issue

is a nd wha t yo u wa nt to sa y.

• I

f yo u’ re fuzzy a b o ut wha t the re a l issue is a nd/ o r ho w to a ddre ss it, ta lk to a c o lle a g ue .

• Give the e mplo ye e a n a ppro pria te

a mo unt o f he a ds-up.

• Co nside r wha t yo u c a n do to ma ke the

e nviro nme nt a s c o mfo rta b le a s po ssib le .

PREPARING FOR FEEDBACK

WI T H COL L E AGUE S

• T

a sk re la te d

• Pro c e ss re la te d
• Re la tio nship

ro o te d

• Sta tus drive n

WI T H COL L E AGUE S

• T

a sk re la te d

• Pro c e ss re la te d
• Re la tio nship

ro o te d

• Sta tus drive n

WI T H E MPL OYE E S

• Be ha vio ra l
• Pe rfo rma nc e

re la te d WI T H E MPL OYE E S

• Be ha vio ra l
• Pe rfo rma nc e

re la te d Wha t type o f issue is it?

WHAT TYPE OF FEEDBACK DOES YOUR EMPLOYEE NEED?

Behaviors HIGH LOW HIGH Job Competence

How the employee conducts him/herself. Behaviors can include interpersonal skills, teamwork and collaboration, commitment, motivation, tone, approach, and other defined

• r implied organizational values or competencies.

Job competence represents work results, the ability of the employee to accomplish his/her responsibilities and meet goals, which requires possessing the requisite skills.

Positive feedback plus stretch assignments Developmental

• r corrective

feedback focused on behavior Developmental

• r corrective

feedback focused on job competence plus skills training Corrective feedback plus a structured plan for improving quickly

PRAISE IS NOT POSITIVE FEEDBACK

• Pra ise is suppo se d to ma ke yo ur e mplo ye e s fe e l

g o o d a nd mo tiva te the m, b ut o fte n it do e s just the

• ppo site .
• E

mployees don’t tr ust the pr

• aise. Whe n do e s the

sho e dro p?

• E

mployees r esent it. Ma na g e rs o fte n use po sitive

fe e db a c k to o ve rc o me re sista nc e to re q ue sts.

• We pr

aise the wr

• ng things – not building the gr
• wth

mind set

• We don’t r

eally pr aise anything: “Gre a t jo b ” so unds

like no ise a fte r a while .

POSITIVE FEEDBACK

Po sitive fe e db a c k is hig hly spe c ific info rma tio n de live re d in suc h a ma nne r to a c c e le ra te e mplo ye e le a rning a nd g ro wth.

T he most under utilized tool for ac c eler ating employee lear ning and gr

• wth

POSITIVE FEEDBACK EXERCISE

• I

de ntify o ne e mplo ye e who wo rks fo r yo u who wo uld b e ne fit fro m he a ring dire c tly a nd spe c ific a lly fro m yo u a b o ut so me thing yo u o b se rve the y a re do ing re a lly we ll.

• Using the b a sic struc ture fo r fe e db a c k, pre pa re

wha t yo u will sa y to the m.

• With a pa rtne r, role play the po sitive fe e db a c k

e a c h o f yo u wa nts to de live r.

• Give e a c h o the r fe e db a c k o n wha t

yo u he a r o ne a no the r sa ying .

ACCOUNTABILITY CONVERSATIONS

Before you say anything

• 1. De te rmine wha t o utc o me ma tte rs to yo u

mo st a t this time .

– Wha t pe rfo rma nc e o r b e ha vio r g a p sho uld yo u

re a lly a ddre ss?

– Ho w do yo u unb undle a b unc h o f e le me nts a nd

de c ide wha t to a ddre ss?

• 2. De c ide whe the r to ha ve the c o nve rsa tio n.
• 3. Ma ste r yo ur o wn sto rie s!

The first step is all in your head!

• 1. IDENTIFY THE ISSUES

Content: T

he fir

st time so me thing ha ppe ns (o r yo u

a re a ddre ssing it), de a l with the sing le e ve nt – the he re a nd no w.

Pattern: Pa tte rn issue s a c kno wle dg e tha t pro b le ms

ha ve a histo ry. F

r equent and c ontinued violations o f

e xpe c ta tio ns a ffe c t the e mplo ye e ’ s pre dic ta b ility a nd e ve ntua lly ha rm re spe c t a nd trust.

Relationship: T

he e mplo ye e ha s r

epeatedly br

• ken pr
• mises a nd it’ s the string o f disa ppo intme nts

tha t ha s c a use d yo u to lo se trust in the m.

CPR helps identify the issue you need to address

BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING: PERFORM CPR

Ma na g e rs g o o d a t a c c o unta b ility c o nve rsa tio ns do n't disc uss re pe a te d infra c tio ns a s if e a c h suc c e ssive o ne wa s the first o ne .

1st time late = she 's la te = Co nte nt 2nd time late= fa ile d to live up to a pro mise = Pa tte rn 3r

d time late = ma y ha ve re la tio nship issue a nd he a d

to HR a nd disc ipline = Re la tio nship

BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING: PERFORM CPR

• Ge tting a t the g ist o f a n issue ta ke s time a nd pra c tic e

– I

f pr

essur ed by time and hyped up emotions, we

c a n miss the re a l pro b le m a nd sta y o n Co nte nt.

• Unb undle the pro b le m.

– What is bother

ing you (or your team) the most?

– I

f yo u do n’ t, yo u’ ll like ly a ddre ss the wro ng ta rg e t

• r to o ma ny ta rg e ts.

– Distill the issue to a single sentenc e.

EXPAND THE OPTIONS AFTER CPR BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING

• E

xpa nd the po ssib le list o f issue s b y c onsider

ing the c onsequenc es and the employee’s intentions.

– Wha t a re the c o nse q ue nc e s to me ? – T

• o ur re la tio nship?

– T

• the ta sk?

– T

• o the r sta ke ho lde rs?
• Cho o se whic h issue yo u will a ddre ss b y a sking what

you most want for an outc omes fo r yo u, fo r o the rs,

fo r the re la tio nship.

EXAMPLE: CPR AND CONSEQUENCES

I ma g ine yo u ha ve a sta ff spe c ia list who pro mise d to ha ve he r fina nc ia l a na lysis to yo u b y T ue sda y, no o n. She misc a lc ula te s ho w lo ng it will ta ke he r a nd de live rs it to yo u just b e fo re da y’ s e nd o n We dne sda y. Be ing la te is no t ne c e ssa rily the pro b le m e xc e pt tha t the a na lysis wa s due to g o o ut in the Bo a rd Me e ting pa c ke t ma ile d la te T ue sda y a fte rno o n to the a g e nc y’ s Bo a rd. You’r

e wor r ied that having to send along the financ ial analysis separ ately (and late) will make your depar tment and senior leader ship look bad. I

t’ s a lso the third time tha t she ha s le t yo u do wn and you’r

e beginning to wonder whether you c an c ount on her . Per haps you’ll now have to super vise her mor e c losely to make sur e she stays on tr ac k o f he r

a ssig nme nts a nd de a dline s. T

his will c ost you pr ec ious time and will likely make her feel mic r

• managed.

Each of these responses on your part is a consequence of the original act. W hich one w ill you address? Her late? Departm ent looks bad? Need to m icrom anage?

• Do

no thing .

• De a l with it

indire c tly.

• De a l with it

dire c tly.

• Do

no thing .

• De a l with it

indire c tly.

• De a l with it

dire c tly.

T he 4 Cs:

• 1. Car

p

• 2. Cope
• 3. Conver

se

• 4. Cut Out

T he 4 Cs:

• 1. Car

p

• 2. Cope
• 3. Conver

se

• 4. Cut Out
• 2. DECIDE WHETHER TO

ADDRESS THE ISSUE BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING

• 3. BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING

MASTER YOUR STORIES

We are triggered by an event Which leads to a story Which generates a feeling Which leads to a behavioral impulse

Don’t ask, “What’s the matter with that employee?” Do ask, “Why would a reasonable, rational and decent employee do that?” This is the root of empathy. You’re ready to have an accountability conversation when you can demonstrate empathy.

And Now You’re Ready to Engage the Employee

DELIVERING FEEDBACK OVERVIEW

• 1. Sta rt with sa fe ty. Sit o n the sa me side o f the ta b le

–

Wa it until yo u’ re c a lm e no ug h to la y o ut the pro b le m “in fro nt o f us” ra the r tha n “b e twe e n us” o r “so le ly o n yo u.”

–

De sc rib e g a p c a lmly a nd witho ut judg me nt.

• 2. De sc rib e the na tura l c o nse q ue nc e s/ impa c t o f

his/ he r b e ha vio r

• 3. Pa int a pic ture o f wha t suc c e ss lo o ks

like / e xpe c ta tio ns

• 4. T

ry to ide ntify whic h c o nse q ue nc e s/ impa c ts a re mo tiva ting fo r the e mplo ye e .

• 5. Mo de l the o pe nne ss yo u a re e xpe c ting in re turn.

• By shifting fro m supe rhuma n

to me re mo rta l

• By mo ving a wa y fro m the

pra c tic e o f g iving a rmo re d fe e db a c k

• T

he g o a l is no t to g e t c o mfo rta b le with ha rd c o nve rsa tio ns, b ut to a llo w disc o mfo rt in the ro o m

• By shifting fro m supe rhuma n

to me re mo rta l

• By mo ving a wa y fro m the

pra c tic e o f g iving a rmo re d fe e db a c k

• T

he g o a l is no t to g e t c o mfo rta b le with ha rd c o nve rsa tio ns, b ut to a llo w disc o mfo rt in the ro o m

MODEL APPROPRIATE VULNERABILITY

T his is ha rd fo r me to o

• Don’t serve up a

sandwich.

• Don’t play charades.
• Don’t pass the buck

upstairs.

• Don’t ask employees

to read your mind.

• Don’t serve up a

sandwich.

• Don’t play charades.
• Don’t pass the buck

upstairs.

• Don’t ask employees

to read your mind.

HOW NOT TO GET STARTED

Scenario 1 Scenario 2 Scenario 3

You observe a new employee, Kim, in client reception snapping back at the mother of a pediatric client who is checking in 20 minutes late for her child’s

• appointment. (She’s been

bumped from the schedule and now will be seen on a walk-in basis.) Kim says, in response to Mom’s push back, “well, it’s not our fault you were so late.” This comment, in turn, evokes an angry tirade from Mom. You’re observing Tim managing a client injury. Everything’s going well until it’s time to clean up and you notice that Tim doesn’t put on gloves, which he’s required to do (he straightened up the room, emptied the trash, stepped out once to consult with another staff member, etc.). It’s come to your attention that Phil has been late several times over the past month in submitting his time sheet. This has resulted in folks from payroll having to track him down to determine his hours, causing extra work for the office at a time when they’re under tight deadline.

DEVELOPMENTAL FEEDBACK EXERCISE

1. Sta rt with sa fe ty 2. Sha re yo ur pa th 3. E nd with a q ue stio n 1. Sta rt with sa fe ty 2. Sha re yo ur pa th 3. E nd with a q ue stio n

TIME TO ENGAGE THE EMPLOYEE

How to get started

• 1. START WITH SAFETY

: WARNING SIGNS

• Pe o ple a sse ss risk b a se d o n: Ar

e bad things….

• 1. Curre ntly ha ppe ning to the m?
• 2. Ab o ut to ha ppe n to the m?
• Wa tc h fo r sig ns tha t sa fe ty is a t risk
• 1. Yo u do n’ t re spe c t the m (no mutual r

espec t)

• 2. Yo u do n’ t c a re a b o ut the ir g o a ls (no mutual

pur pose)

• 1. START WITH SAFETY

: CONVERSATION OPENER

• Ca lmly de sc rib e the g a p b e twe e n wha t yo u we re

e xpe c ting a nd wha t wa s o b se rve d.

• 1. T

he fir st 30 sec onds matter s!

• 2. I

f yo ur to ne o f vo ic e , fa c ia l e xpre ssio n o r wo rds sho w disre spe c t, b a d thing s a re c urre ntly ha ppe ning to the e mplo ye e .

• Be a s c le a r a nd simple a s yo u c a n.

• 1. SAFETY FIRST: CONTRASTING

STATEMENT TOOL

• At the ve ry first sig n o f fe a r, yo u ha ve to dia g no se

the so urc e a nd re sto re sa fe ty b e fo re yo u c o ntinue

• Use “Contr

asting Statements” to e sta b lish a nd

re sto re sa fe ty:

–

I ma g ine wha t the e mplo ye e mig ht ha ve e rro ne o usly c o nc lude d.

–

I mme dia te ly e xpla in tha t this is wha t yo u

do n’t me a n. –

T he n e xpla in wha t yo u do me a n.

• 1. SAFETY

: CONTRASTING

I don’t want you to think I’m unhappy with

ho w we wo rk to ge the r. Ove rall, I ’m ve ry satisfie d. I just want to talk about how we

make de cisions toge the r

.

I’m not saying it was wr

• ng of you to

disagr e e with me in the me e ting. We ne e d

to he ar e ve ryo ne ’s ide as in o rde r to make the be st c ho ic e . I t’s just that I think the te am

he ar d your tone and wor ds as attacking.

• 1. SAFETY: CONTRASTING IN

THE MIDDLE OF THE CONVERSATION

I’m sor r

• y. I didn’t me an to imply that yo u we re do ing

it o n purpo se . I be lie ve you we r

e unawar e o f the

impac t yo u we re having, whic h is why I wante d to bring it up in the first plac e .

• 1. SAFETY

: CONTRASTING

I f it’s OK with yo u, I ’d like to spe nd a c o uple o f minute s talking abo ut ho w yo u handle d that disgruntle d c lie nt this mo rning. My go al is to c o me up with an appro ac h that we ’re bo th c o mfo rtable with.

I don’t think we ’r e talking about a huge pr

• ble m, but I

do think that with a couple of

small change s, yo u wo uld have an e asie r time

de aling with c lie nts that push bac k like that wo man did this mo rning, and I will fe e l c o mfo rtable that we ’re no t adding ano the r laye r to the pro ble m.

• 2. SHARE YOUR PATH
• Do n’ t le a d with yo ur sto ry o r c o nc lusio n
• Be g in with the fa c ts tha t a re ha ppe ning o utside o f

yo ur he a d. E xpla in w hat no t why.

• T

e nta tive ly sha re yo ur sto ry. Avo id a b so lute s.

• ‘ I

tho ug ht we a g re e d’ …no t, ‘ Yo u sa id’

• ‘ I

wa s wo nde ring if’ …no t, ‘ I ts c le a r’

• Mo nito r fo r sa fe ty issue s.

We are triggered by an event Which leads to a story Which generates a feeling Which leads to a behavioral impulse

• 3. END WITH A QUESTION

He re ’ s the simple st dia g no stic q ue stio n yo u c a n e nd with:

“W hat happened?”

“Did I miss something?” “Did you run into a problem of some kind?”

Scenarios

SCENARIO 1: GROUP OF 4

Sta c y, a n e mplo ye e who wo rks fo r yo u, fa ile d to c o mple te a n impo rta nt q ua lity c he c k. Yo u

• b se rve d the g a p, de c ide d to de a l with it,

a nd trie d to de te rmine the rig ht pro b le m to disc uss. Sinc e this wa s the first infra c tio n, yo u've de c ide d to ta lk a b o ut the c o nte nt: she didn't c o mple te the q ua lity c he c k. Yo u a dmire Sta c y a nd so ha ve impute d g o o d mo tive . Ho w will yo u sta rt the c o nve rsa tio n?

What is your opening line?

SCENARIO 2: GROUP OF 4

Yo ur o ffic e a ssista nt ha s do ub le -b o o ke d yo u fo r a ppo intme nts se ve ra l time s in the la st mo nth. Ye ste rda y, yo u re c e ive d a c a ll fro m a no the r de pa rtme nt he a d’ s a ssista nt wa nting to c o nfirm a me e ting da te with yo u dire c tly. She indic a te d tha t she wa nte d to ma ke sure yo ur c a le nda r wa s, in fa c t, c le a r b e c a use yo ur pa rtic ipa tio n in the me e ting wa s impo rta nt. Ho w will yo u sta rt a c o nve rsa tio n with yo ur o ffic e a ssista nt? Wha t will yo u sa y?

Wha t is yo ur o pe ning line ?

NOW THAT YOU’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CONVERSATION? WHAT DO YOU DO?

EXPLORE THE SOURCES OF MOTIVATION

Carrots and sticks Want to Structures, environment s, tools Help from

• thers

Can do Peer pressure

Personal Social Structural

Motivation Ability

CAN YOU MAKE IT EASIER? DETERMINE THE ABILITY BLOCKS

Carrots and sticks Peer pressure Want to Structures, environments, tools Help from

• thers

Can do

Personal Social Structural

Motivation

Ability

• Ask fo r

pe rmissio n

• So lic it

fe e db a c k

• Prime the

pump

• Ask fo r

pe rmissio n

• So lic it

fe e db a c k

• Prime the

pump

MAKE IT SAFE TO SEARCH TOGETHER

ROLE PLAY

• I

s tha t to o ha rd fo r yo u?

FLEXIBILITY AND FOCUS

• Stay flexible

– No te the ne w pro b le m. – Se le c t the rig ht pro b le m to sta y fo c use d o n:

the o rig ina l pro b le m, the ne w o ne , o r b o th.

– Re so lve the ne w pro b le m a nd re turn to the

• rig ina l issue .
• Stay focused

– De a l with o ne pro b le m a t a time . – Co nsc io usly c ho o se to de a l with ne w issue s;

do n’ t a llo w the m to b e fo rc e d o n yo u.

Loss of Safety Loss of Trust New Issue Explosive Emotions

When an employee starts to back out of the conversation or push too hard, you need to reestablish

• safety. You will never

resolve the topic at hand, if the employee feels unsafe talking about it. Broken promises are violations of trust and

• respect. Never let

trust issues slide. You’re talking about an expectation gap and the employee does something even worse during the conversation. What if the employee becomes quite emotional (angry, frustrated, sad, anxious)? How do you deal with

• ther people’s

stories? Use the skill of Contrasting to restore mutual respect and shared purpose. Remember this sentence, “I f som ething com es up, let m e know as soon as you can.” Bookmark the original topic and focus on the new one. Say, “I ’d like to pause our

• riginal

conversation and talk about w hat just happened.” Ensure your safety. Go straight to the emotion. Explore the other person’s path to action. Use AMPP to listen deeply.

AMPP

Ask - “Wha t’ s g o ing o n? ” Mirror – de sc rib e the diffe re nc e b e twe e n

wha t he sa id a nd ho w he sa id it

Paraphrase – put in yo ur o wn wo rds wha t

yo u think the e mplo ye e is te lling yo u (do n’ t pa rro t!)

Prim e – g ue ss wha t the o the r

pe rso n ma y b e thinking

When we ar e willing to talk about an employee’s thoughts and feelings without moc king, squelc hing or attac king them, they ar e muc h mor e likely to c alm down. Onc e they’ve c almed down, they’r e muc h mor e likely to be able to expr ess their

• wn thoughts

r ationally and listen to our s.

SCENARIO 3: GROUP OF 4

Yo u ha ve a ske d K e ith, a pe rso n who re po rts to yo u, why he fa ile d to a tte nd the c o mpute r tra ining tha t he ha d a g re e d to sit in o n. He e xpla ins tha t he ha d inte nde d to b e the re , b ut “so me thing c a me up.” Yo u c a n’ t te ll whe the r his re spo nse is c o de fo r a mo tiva tio n pro b le m o r a n a b ility pro b le m, so yo u a sk him e xa c tly wha t pre ve nte d him fro m ke e ping his pro mise . Yo u’ re thinking tha t if it wa s a nything o the r tha n a fa mily e me rg e nc y, yo u’ re no t inc line d to b e sympa the tic . Yo u kno w K e ith ha te s c o mpute r tra ining , a nd he re a lly ne e ds it. Yo u ha d g o ne o ut o f yo ur wa y to a rra ng e the sc he dule so K e ith c o uld a tte nd the tra ining , a nd no w he ’ s te lling yo u tha t so me thing c a me up.

REACHING CLOSURE

• Do a fina l c he c k fo r mo tiva tio n a nd a b ility.
• Summa rize the e xpe c ta tio n mo ving fo rwa rd

(wha t).

• Be c le a r a b o ut time fra me (imme dia te ly o r

b y a c e rta in da te ).

• I

f the re a re a c tio ns yo u will ta ke summa rize the se a s we ll.

Wha t do yo u do whe n yo u do n’ t a c tua lly se e the pro b le m? Co wo rke rs c o mpla in e ndle ssly, sa ying thing s like , “He ’ s impo ssib le to wo rk with,” a nd, “He c a n’ t b e truste d,” a nd, “He ne ve r liste ns to fe e db a c k.” Ho w do yo u ha ndle he a rsa y? Wha t do yo u do whe n yo u do n’ t a c tua lly se e the pro b le m? Co wo rke rs c o mpla in e ndle ssly, sa ying thing s like , “He ’ s impo ssib le to wo rk with,” a nd, “He c a n’ t b e truste d,” a nd, “He ne ve r liste ns to fe e db a c k.” Ho w do yo u ha ndle he a rsa y? We ’ re ma king a b re a k fro m the pa st. I t use d to b e tha t we to le ra te d wide diffe re nc e s in b e ha vio r whe n it c a me to c usto me r se rvic e . But no w we ’ re suppo se d to ho ld pe o ple a c c o unta b le to a c o mmo n se t o f sta nda rds. Ho w do yo u c ha ng e the rule s in the middle o f the g a me ? We ’ re ma king a b re a k fro m the pa st. I t use d to b e tha t we to le ra te d wide diffe re nc e s in b e ha vio r whe n it c a me to c usto me r se rvic e . But no w we ’ re suppo se d to ho ld pe o ple a c c o unta b le to a c o mmo n se t o f sta nda rds. Ho w do yo u c ha ng e the rule s in the middle o f the g a me ?

SCENARIOS 4-5: GROUPS OF 4

A wo ma n who wo rks fo r me is a lwa ys me ssing up the de ta ils. She ’ s no t b a d e no ug h to b e c a lle d inc o mpe te nt, b ut she ’ s so b o rde rline tha t yo u a lwa ys wo rry a b o ut he r wo rk. Wha t c a n yo u do ? A wo ma n who wo rks fo r me is a lwa ys me ssing up the de ta ils. She ’ s no t b a d e no ug h to b e c a lle d inc o mpe te nt, b ut she ’ s so b o rde rline tha t yo u a lwa ys wo rry a b o ut he r wo rk. Wha t c a n yo u do ? Wha t if the pe rso n is to ta lly o ut o f line mo st o f the time b ut thre a te ns to file a g rie va nc e if yo u c o nfro nt him? And the wo rst o f it is tha t b e c a use o f his spe c ia l c irc umsta nc e s, he ’ d pro b a b ly win. T he n wha t? Wha t if the pe rso n is to ta lly o ut o f line mo st o f the time b ut thre a te ns to file a g rie va nc e if yo u c o nfro nt him? And the wo rst o f it is tha t b e c a use o f his spe c ia l c irc umsta nc e s, he ’ d pro b a b ly win. T he n wha t?

SCENARIOS 6-7: GROUPS OF 4

HOMEWORK: Have 20 positive

feedback conversations; 1 developmental

• r corrective.

THE END

Reference Books:

• 1. Crucial Conversations
• 2. Vital Smarts
• 3. Giving Effective Feedback, Harvard Business Review