Triggering the PNS When you inhale, fill your lungs fully, hold for - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

• When you inhale, fill your lungs fully, hold for a second or so, and then exhale in

a relaxed way.

• Relax your tongue
• Relax your eyes
• Relax the diaphragm area
• Imagine being in a very comfortable setting
• Feel everything draining out of you and sinking deep into the earth
• Breathe in such a way that your inhalation and exhalation are the same

duration; for example, count 1-2-3-4 in your mind while inhaling and 1-2-3-4 while exhaling.

• At the same time, imagine or sense that you’re breathing in and out through the

area of your heart. Meanwhile, bring to mind a heartfelt emotion like gratitude or love.

• Yawning
• Think of positive emotions
• Fiddling upper lip
• Close your eyes
• Look up 20 degrees
• Put palm on forehead

Triggering the PNS

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E+R=O Events plus Reaction equals Outcome People are always complaining about outcomes. They see themselves as powerless victims. You ask someone to go to lunch with you. s/he says "no". Did you have someone to go to lunch with before? No. Do you have one now? No. There is no difference. The only difference is if you add something to it like "I knew that nobody likes me. My mother was right about me. I'm sure they would have gone to lunch with me if I had more confidence!" But that's all in your mind. If someone rejects you, it's because something better is for you in store. After an experience, there is a vacuum in your mind. YOU have to fill it with something positive, otherwise your mind will fill it up with old memories.

Understanding our Choices Be Perfect Please Hurry Up Be Strong Try Hard

Understanding our Choices

Becomes single- minded, try to control situations or people. Arrogant or aggressive. Task rather than people oriented. May lack rapport because too much focused on process. Potential loss of control, low standards

• ver emotionality from
• thers.

Failure to achieve goals. May not produce work

• n time due to checks

for mistakes. Find it hard to delegate because unable to trust. High standards and

• verly critical of
• thers.

Have a quest for perfection. Want to do things the right way. Checks facts, prepares well and pays attention to detail.

Stress behaviour Stress caused by Negatives Positives Be Perfect

5

Be Perfect Set realistic standards of performance and accuracy Become realistic about making mistakes by imagining the best and worst possible

• utcomes of making the mistake

Make a point of telling others that their mistakes are not serious, and can actually be an important source of learning Prioritise so that you can decide which jobs really warrant high degrees of accuracy and which do not Respect other people’s deadlines by planning in advance how much detail is needed, then give the key information and stop before the other person is buried in facts and figures If working with someone else’s 'Be perfect', praise them for achievements, be punctual, keep appointments with them and do not discount their worries

Understanding our Choices

Become emotional and illogical. Unable to say ‘No’ to anyone. Try to ‘rescue’ others by helping them out and taking on even more work in an attempt to make self feel better. Being ignored, being criticised. Being told to be more assertive, say ‘No’ and stand up for themselves. Fear of upsetting

• thers results in lack
• f assertion.

Become overloaded with work from fear of letting others down. Find it difficult to tell

• thers what to do.

Good at creating rapport and building good relationships. Have empathy, good understanding and are willing to go out of their way to help

• thers.

Stress behaviour Stress caused by Negatives Positives Please

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Please Ask people questions to check what they want instead of guessing, and listen carefully to what they say Please yourself more often and ask other people for what you want Practice telling others firmly when they are wrong Avoid being dumped with unrealistic requests and unimportant tasks and say 'No' with authority To be respected by others, it’s important to set your own limits and priorities Learn basic assertiveness techniques Accept basic responsibility for yourself and allow others to be responsible for themselves If working with someone else’s 'Please’ driver, praise them for who they are as well as what they do. Confront them with patience and don’t lose your temper with them

Understanding our Choices

Activity becomes more frenetic. Agitation. Tell other people to hurry up. Time to think, silence, having ‘nothing to do’. Delays starting jobs until urgent, then in haste makes mistakes. Rushes, speaks fast, finishes others sentences, crowds diary with appointments. Can work fast and achieve a lot in a short

• time. Responds well

to short deadlines. Likes having a lot of things to do.

Stress behaviour Stress caused by Negatives Positives Hurry Up

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Hurry Up Plan work in stages and set interim target dates to give satisfaction and avoid rushing to completion Plan sufficient time for tasks, especially the preparation stage which is likely to be skimped Concentrate on listening well to others until they have finished speaking and avoid interrupting Consciously slow down so that others have time to absorb information Ask others about their needs rather than make assumptions. Learn relaxation techniques Be on time rather than fitting in ‘just one more thing’ before the next appointment If working with someone else’s 'Hurry Up', praise them for taking time more than for their speed or ability to do several things at once

Understanding our Choices

Withdrawn and withholding. Becomes quieter and reluctant to

• communicate. Try to

do everything by themselves. Fear of rejection through being seen as vulnerable. Having their weaknesses

• exposed. Having to

share too much information with

• thers. Being openly

criticised. Dislikes admitting any weakness, vulnerability or emotion. May hide difficulties and take work home rather than ask for help. May be seen as uncaring and

• withdrawn. Don’t ask
• thers for support.

Stays calm under pressure. Feels energised in a crisis. Thinks logically when

• thers panic.

Can stay emotionally detached, enabling problem solving and logical thinking. Reliable and steady.

Stress behaviour Stress caused by Negatives Positives Be Strong

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Be Strong Monitor your workload so that you do not take on too much work Ask for help so that others have a chance to assist you. They may well have relevant knowledge, skills or time Before taking on any new tasks, review the potential requirements and check that you have access to the appropriate resources Learn to be aware of your own needs and to take as well as give. Your relationships with others will probably improve when you let people help you Create interests for yourself out of work which you can really enjoy If working with someone else’s 'Be Strong', praise them for their consideration because they are often taken for granted. Be clear about instructions and don’t force them into expressions of vulnerability

Understanding our Choices

Person becomes reactive and rebellious. May sulk. May take on even more tasks that are not completed. Being criticised for not caring

• r being irresponsible,
• r by being told,

“You’re not trying.” Feeling disrespected. May be more committed to trying and doing, than achieving and

• succeeding. May not

stick with one project because distracted by a new one. Turns small tasks into huge ones. Puts a lot of effort into new projects. Well motivated, enthusiastic, creative. Good at thinking of new approaches.

Stress behaviour Stress caused by Negatives Positives Try Hard

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Try Hard Stop volunteering for every new project and find ways of planning all the stages of a task to achieve satisfaction all the way through to completion Check out the parameters of a task so that you only do what is expected Try to control your boredom with the later stages of a project. Plan how you will enjoy your success on completion of it Find creative ways of making mundane tasks more interesting Notice when you use the words “I’ll try” rather than “I will” Be willing to distinguish between the things you can change and cannot change If working with someone else’s 'Try Hard', avoid getting into competition with them. Praise them for finishing rather than for trying

14

Make peace with the fact that not everyone is going to like you—and actually, that’s okay. Learn to say no in a way that feels okay to you. (Give reasons, but no excuses allowed!) Accept that you will feel guilty when you say no to something the first few times Start setting some boundaries Give an alternative