Order Matters Only. . . one word Him stick with the before chased - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Order Matters

Him stick with the before chased boy the that dog big had the attacked.

• 1. The boy with the big stick attacked the dog that had chased

him before.

• 2. The big dog chased the boy that had attacked him with the

stick before.

• 3. Before, the big boy with the stick chased the dog that had

attacked him.

• 4. The boy that had chased the big dog before attacked him

with the stick.

• 5. The big dog chased the stick with the boy that had attacked

him before.

• Only. . . one word

I hit him in his eye yesterday.

• 1. Only I hit him in his eye yesterday. (No one else did.)
• 2. I only hit him in his eye yesterday. (Did not slap him.)
• 3. I hit only him in his eye yesterday. (I did not hit others.)
• 4. I hit him only in his eye yesterday. (Not outside the eye.)
• 5. I hit him in only his eye yesterday. (Not other organs.)
• 6. I hit him in his only eye yesterday. (He has only one eye.)
• 7. I hit him in his eye only yesterday. (Very recently.)
• 8. I hit him in his eye yesterday only. (No other day.)

Dangling modifiers

Bad: Queen Elizabeth read the speech, which was handed to her by the 71-year-old Lord Hailsham, the Lord Chancellor, with the aid of half-moon glasses. Better: With the aid of half-moon glasses, Queen Elizabeth read the speech handed to her by. . . . Bad: We try to help clients interpret statistics with some sophistication. Better: We try to help clients develop some sophistication in interpreting statistics.

Adjectives

Bad: The superintendent of the Ossining Correctional Facility found the community’s desire to preserve part of the prison facility amusing. Better: The superintendent of the Ossining Correctional Facility found it amusing that the community wanted to preserve part of the prison. Also Better: The superintendent. . . was amused by the community’s desire to preserve part of the prison.

More Adjectives

Bad: Lightweight and packable, Mom will find this comfortable, flattering robe indispensable for traveling. Better: Lightweight and packable, this comfortable robe will delight Mom and prove indispensable for traveling. Also Better: Mom will find this lightweight, packable robe comfortable, flattering, and indispensable for traveling.

Adverbs

Bad: Their willingness to work constantly amazed me. Better:

• 1. I constantly marveled at their willingness to work.
• 2. Their willing and constant labor amazed me.

Bad: What you do primarily determines what you are. Better:

• 1. What you primarily do determines what you are.
• 2. Your activities primarily determine what you are.

More adverbs

Bad: That interest rates had declined somewhat eased my mind. Better:

• 1. The slight decrease in interest rates eased my mind.
• 2. That interest rates had declined made me feel somewhat

easier. Bad: Writing simply is not degrading.

• 1. Writing is not at all degrading.
• 2. It is not degrading to write simply.

Tied in Nots

Bad: All municipal bonds do not have the same rating. Better: Not all municipal bonds have the same rating. Bad: All forecasters do not agree that the employment figures will decline. Better: Not all forecasters agree that the employment figures will decline. Bad: All stories cannot end happily. Better: Not all stories can end happily.

Not always the best choice

Bad: All my colleagues will not vote in the next election. Better: All my colleagues will abstain from voting in the next election. Also Better: None of my colleagues will vote in the next election.

Editing Workshop: Commas

Before Conjunctions Joining Clauses

Before/After: In the forties girls studied home nursing, and boys took shop. Before/After: We must stop wasting our resources, or our children will face dire need. Before/After: I have now seen all Shakespeare’s major plays performed, but Hamlet remains for me the most gripping. Before/After: He never worked, for his father had left him a fortune.

Between Parallel Items

Good Series: On the New York Stock Exchange yesterday the industrials were up 9.5, the transports were down 4.35, and the utilities were unchanged. Good Series: The agency lists openings in publishing, broadcasting, advertising, and public relations. Not a Series: The mailing went out to educators, teachers and administrators. Not a Series: In this study of power plants, coal-fired systems and nuclear facilities compare unfavorably with hydroelectric operations.

Around Parenthetical Elements

Before/After: The current five-year expansion program, culminating in approximately 100 building materials supermarts by the end of fiscal year 2010, is continuing on schedule. Before/After: The expertise afforded by the exceptionally well qualified staff, along with the dedicated leadership, promises a continuation of the division’s highly successful record.

Nonrestrictive Modifiers

Compare

• 1. Executives who never take advice are pigheaded.
• 2. Executives, who never take advice, are pigheaded.

Compare

• 1. The spectators horrified by the gory scene left immediately.
• 2. The spectators, horrified by the gory scene, left immediately.

Compare

• 1. A mother willing to sacrifice her baby for a good cause is a

rarity.

• 2. A mother, willing to sacrifice her baby for a good cause, is a

rarity.