Meltdowns, Tantrums & Freakouts have functions... send a - PDF document

Doug Schmidt, Ph.D., C. Psych. Clinical and School Psychologist October 19, 2019 1 Meltdowns, Tantrums & Freakouts have functions...  send a message about distress,  signal losing internal, emotional control and external control of a situation,  an attempt to get control internally and externally,  relieve tension, and  signal a need for connection and support which can be difficult to access. 2 Ingredients of a Meltdown  a child’s temperament/personality,  major or daily stressors,  triggers in the moment (expectations, frustrations, or transitions),  emotional distress, and  how adults and others respond. 3 1

Separation is Stressful: Make Reconnecting Easy  Talk about how separation is hard.  Bridge separations by talking about the next time you’ll be together.  When you reconnect, express happiness about seeing each other and a desire to do something fun.  Don’t focus on your agenda or always ask, “how was your day at school?” You will get the answer, “fine,” or, “I don’t know.” 4 Reduce Stress  Provide more rest & sleep.  Provide more time to play.  Children need lots of relaxed time with parents and caregivers. 5 Times of connecting/ separating are important  First thing in the morning.  Saying goodbye before school.  Reuniting at the end of the day.  Preparing for bed and goodnight. 6 2

Times of connecting/ separating are important  These times can be flashpoints for anxiety, irritability, or sadness.  Make these transitions easier.  Be attuned to these points.  Provide connection.  Provide support and validation. 7 Discipline strategies:  don’t deal with behaviour in the incident,  do engage the attachment instincts,  do remind the child of your relationship and role, and  do use verbal and nonverbal communication including eye contact, tone of voice, physical proximity, share a smile, share a nod. 8 Additional discipline strategies:  safeguard the child’s desire to be good for you,  expect but don’t demand good things,  preserve the child’s dignity,  know the limits of yourself and the situation,  bridge what is dividing you and the child (eg. “let’s talk in a few minutes”). 9 3

NeufeldInstitute.org Online Training Courses In Person Training Courses Parent Coaches and Consultants Gordon Neufeld Videos •Youtube •TVO •Teach Ontario: What Makes a Bully 10 2016 Website of Deborah MacNamara http://macnamara.ca/ kids-best-bet-blog/ 11 Other Resources Emotion Focused Family Therapy info: http://www.mentalhealthfoundations.ca/ resources Dialectical Behaviour Therapy- influenced book. The Power of Validation (2011). 12 4

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