Meltdowns, Tantrums & Freakouts have functions... send a - - PDF document

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Doug Schmidt, Ph.D., C. Psych. Clinical and School Psychologist October 19, 2019

Meltdowns, Tantrums & Freakouts have functions...

send a message about distress, signal losing internal, emotional control and external control of a situation, an attempt to get control internally and externally, relieve tension, and signal a need for connection and support which can be difficult to access.

Ingredients of a Meltdown

a child’s temperament/personality, major or daily stressors, triggers in the moment (expectations,

frustrations, or transitions),

emotional distress, and how adults and others respond.

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Separation is Stressful: Make Reconnecting Easy

 Talk about how separation is hard.  Bridge separations by talking about the next time you’ll be together.  When you reconnect, express happiness about seeing each other and a desire to do something fun.  Don’t focus on your agenda or always ask, “how was your day at school?” You will get the answer, “fine,” or, “I don’t know.”

Reduce Stress

Provide more rest & sleep. Provide more time to play. Children need lots of relaxed time

with parents and caregivers.

Times of connecting/ separating are important

First thing in the morning. Saying goodbye before school. Reuniting at the end of the day. Preparing for bed and goodnight.

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Times of connecting/ separating are important

These times can be flashpoints for

anxiety, irritability, or sadness.

Make these transitions easier. Be attuned to these points. Provide connection. Provide support and validation.

Discipline strategies:

don’t deal with behaviour in the

incident,

do engage the attachment instincts, do remind the child of your

relationship and role, and

do use verbal and nonverbal

communication including eye contact, tone of voice, physical proximity, share a smile, share a nod.

Additional discipline strategies:

safeguard the child’s desire to be good for you, expect but don’t demand good things, preserve the child’s dignity, know the limits of yourself and the situation, bridge what is dividing you and the child (eg. “let’s talk in a few minutes”).

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NeufeldInstitute.org

Online Training Courses In Person Training Courses Parent Coaches and Consultants Gordon Neufeld Videos

• Youtube
• TVO
• Teach Ontario: What Makes a Bully

2016

http://macnamara.ca/ kids-best-bet-blog/ Website of Deborah MacNamara

Other Resources

Emotion Focused Family Therapy info: http://www.mentalhealthfoundations.ca/ resources Dialectical Behaviour Therapy- influenced book. The Power of Validation (2011). 10 11 12

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55 Eglinton Avenue East Suite #305 Toronto, ON M4P 1G8 Phone: (416)482-5558 Fax: (416) 482 8999 13