Developing Developmental Relationships Menlo-Atherton High School - PDF document

Developing Developmental Relationships Menlo-Atherton High School May 1, 2014 Visit www.search-institute.org if you want a copy of these slides 2

I can stay afterward for your questions and penetrating insights… A Common Conviction: 4

Believing What We Have Experienced “Nearly every person I know has some version of this story: the moment when a teacher changes the course of your life. A good teacher, after all, wields the authority of a parent with none of the psychological baggage. The best of them are semi- mysterious figures whose wisdom seems boundless and whose approval helps us discover who we are.” -- Steve Almond, The Boston Globe Magazine , March 23, 2014 5 ¡ Who ¡made ¡a ¡big ¡ difference ¡in ¡ your ¡life? ¡ ¡ ¡ 6

And yet, there is a relationship gap National Survey of 90,000 U.S. 6-12 Graders, 2010 Source: Benson, P.L, Scales, P.C., Roehlkepartain, E.C., & Leffort, N. A Fragile Foundation: The State of Developmental Assets among American Youth (Second Edition). Search Institute, 2011. Why Relationships are Essential Relationships Resources Thriving Mindset other key attitudes and behaviors 8

Missing the Active Ingredient 9 1. College Readiness High correlation between students’ experience of supportive relationships and: • Levels of motivation • Levels of self-confidence • Frequency with which they practice good study habits • Grades • PSAT scores 10

2. Youth Well-being The character of the relationships and the ways that people interact in families are much better predictors of youth well-being (multiple measures) than demographic factors such as race-ethnicity, income, family structure and gender. Amy Syvertsen, Eugene Roehlkepartain and Peter Scales, Search Institute, 2012 11 3. Closing Achievement Gaps “The common feature of successful interventions across all stages of the life cycle through adulthood is that they promote attachment and provide a secure base for exploration and learning for the child. Successful interventions emulate the mentoring environments offered by successful families.” -- James Heckman and Tim Kautz, University of Chicago, 2013 12

4. Program Effectiveness “The effectiveness of child-serving programs, practices, and policies is determined first and foremost by whether they strengthen or weaken developmental relationships.” -- Junlei Li and Megan Julian, University of Pittsburgh, 2012 13 5. Student Achievement “The perception that teachers care about their students is among the strongest predictors of student performance.” -- Carol Dweck, Gregory Walton & Geoffrey Cohen, Stanford University, 2011 14

6. Social-Emotional Skills “Relationships are the soil in which children’s social- emotional learning skills grow.” -- Susan Jones and Suzanne Bouffard, Harvard University, 2012 15 7. Self-Confidence “Backing from others is powerful because it increases an individual’s self-confidence, provides a safety net if we should fall, and bolsters our belief that we can overcome obstacles. As a result, we tend to more actively solve problems rather than passively avoiding challenges.” Steven M. Southwick, Yale University School of Medicine and Dennis S. Charney, Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Source: Southwick, M. & Charney, D.S. Ready for Anything. Scientific American Mind , July/August 2013 16

8. Engaging Boys “Counter to cultural assumptions that boys are generally resistant to schooling, boys in our studies indicated remarkable acceptance of the value and necessity of their school programs. Resistance and opposition arise most commonly when boys are unable to establish positive relationships with teachers and other staff.” -- Michael Reichert and Richard Hawley, Center for the Study of Boys’ and Girls’ Lives, 2012 17 Our Assertion: It’s more than correlation

We know relationships matter, but… 19 Investigating Relationships • Literature reviews on relationships and thriving – Started with young adolescents – Expanding to early childhood • Analyses of existing data, including Family Assets • National focus groups and interviews with – Youth How ¡do ¡they ¡define ¡ – Parents – Teachers and ¡experience ¡key ¡ – Youth workers rela4onships ¡that ¡ help ¡them ¡grow? ¡ 20

Mining ¡a ¡Mountain ¡of ¡Data ¡ Percentage ¡of ¡15 ¡year ¡olds ¡who ¡say ¡adults ¡"get" ¡them ¡do ¡these ¡things ¡"a ¡lot." ¡ Listens ¡to ¡them ¡ 80% 79% Is ¡honest ¡with ¡them ¡ 73% Shows ¡up; ¡is ¡dependable ¡ Remembers ¡earlier ¡talks ¡ 71% 68% Laughs ¡at ¡their ¡jokes ¡ ¡ Sets ¡higher ¡standards ¡ ¡ 53% 39% Gives ¡them ¡privileges ¡ Resources for Relationships Coming in Fall 2014 • 1 st major study released • Developmental Relationships Survey • The new ParentFurther.com Coming in 2015 • Additional studies, a book, workshops and web- based resources that describe Ø Structures Ø Starters Ø Strategies Ø Solutions 22

Going Beyond Description Photo Credit: Robert Cohen, Saint Louis Post-Dispatch 23 The Need for Practical Tools 24

Developmental ¡rela:onships ¡are ¡ close ¡connec:ons ¡that ¡powerfully ¡ and ¡posi:vely ¡shape ¡young ¡people’s ¡ iden::es ¡and ¡help ¡them ¡develop ¡ thriving ¡mindsets. ¡ ¡ 25 How Other People Help Define Our Identities Researchers Joan E. Grusec and Erica Redler studied influence of praising generous character vs. generous behavior. • Experiment with 7 and 8 year olds • After child played game and won marbles and then donated some to poor children, experimenters tried two types of praise: Ø “It was good that you gave some of your marbles to those poor children. That was a nice and helpful thing to do.” Ø “I guess you’re the kind of person who likes to help others whenever you can. You are a very helpful and nice person.” • Two weeks later kids were given opportunities to give and share. Kids who were praised for character were much more generous. Source: Adam Grant, “Is Giving the Secret to Getting Ahead?”, New York Times, April 13, 2014 26

The Power of a Thriving Mindset A Voice from History “Your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.” -- Abraham Lincoln’s advice to a young law student 28

Actions that Make a Relationship Developmental ¡Give ¡ SUPPORT ¡ ¡ Express ¡ CARE ¡ CHALLENGE ¡Growth ¡ Share ¡ POWER ¡ ¡ Expand ¡ POSSIBILITIES ¡ 29 Interrelated Components 6" 5" 4" Challenge 3" 2" 1" 0" Support 30

31 ¡ The ¡Developmental ¡Rela:onships ¡ ¡ Framework ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ Express ¡ Share ¡ ¡ Challenge ¡ Provide ¡ Expand ¡ ¡ CARE ¡ GROWTH ¡ SUPPORT ¡ POWER ¡ POSSIBILITIES ¡

¡ “Show ¡that ¡you ¡like ¡me ¡and ¡want ¡the ¡best ¡ ¡ for ¡me.” ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ Express ¡ Share ¡ ¡ Challenge ¡ Provide ¡ Expand ¡ CARE ¡ GROWTH ¡ SUPPORT ¡ POWER ¡ POSSIBILITIES ¡ 1. ¡Be ¡Present ¡3. ¡Invest ¡ ¡5. ¡ ¡Be ¡Dependable ¡ 2. ¡Be ¡Warm ¡ ¡4. ¡Show ¡Interest ¡ A Strategy for Expressing Care

¡ “Insist ¡that ¡I ¡try ¡to ¡con:nuously ¡ ¡ improve.” ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ Express ¡ Share ¡ ¡ Expand ¡ Challenge ¡ Provide ¡ ¡ CARE ¡ GROWTH ¡ SUPPORT ¡ POWER ¡ POSSIBILITIES ¡ 5. ¡Inspire ¡7. ¡Stretch ¡ ¡ 6. ¡Expect ¡8. ¡Limit ¡ ¡ Challenging Growth “Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget. My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.” -- Seth Adam Smith, ForwardWalking.com 36

Breakthrough Moments ¡ “Help ¡me ¡complete ¡tasks ¡and ¡achieve ¡ ¡ goals.” ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ Expand ¡ Express ¡ ¡ Challenge ¡ Provide ¡ Share ¡ ¡ CARE ¡ GROWTH ¡ SUPPORT ¡ POWER ¡ POSSIBILITIES ¡ 9. ¡ ¡ ¡Encourage ¡11. ¡Model ¡ ¡ 10. ¡Guide ¡ ¡12. ¡Advocate ¡ ¡ ¡