Course -5: Breaking Up Long Sentences First Half - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

科技论文的阅读与写作

Course -5: Breaking Up Long Sentences – First Half

http://inpluslab.com/paperwriting 主讲：黄华威

副教授 数据科学与计算机学院 学院个人主页： http://sdcs.sysu.edu.cn/content/4989

Some Forewords

• Why do I organize this class

in English?

– Although this requires many reading, it is good to you – It may be difficult at first – 千里之行始于足下 – Always choose the most difficult path, if you need to – Congratulations! You are still here!

Some facts before Course 5

• A survey carried out at Stanford University

revealed that

– 86.4% of students admitted that in order to appear more intelligent, they used complex language in their essays, theses and dissertations.

• The average length of a sentence in English has

become shorter and shorter over the centuries.

– Shakespeare’s time (1564-1616): 45 words – 150 years ago: 29 words – Today’s experts recommend: 15-18 words

Some facts before Course 5 (cont.)

• John Adair, a communications expert who wrote The

Effective Communicator, reports that 90% of people

– understand an 8-word sentence on first reading, – but only about 4% understand a 27-word sentence first time.

• You will lose more readers in the first 50 words than you

will in the next 250.

• The Viennese art historian, Ernst Gombrich

– wrote many of this books in English rather than in his native German. – His Story of Art (1950), is one of the most widely accessible art history books ever published, precisely because (恰恰因为) it is written in a clear, simple, unpretentious style.

What is the buzz?

• Is this 73-word sentence written by a native or

non-native English speaker?

– When we reflect on the vast diversity of the plants and animals which have been cultivated, and which have varied during all ages under the most different climates and treatment, I think we are driven to conclude that this greater variability is simply due to our domestic productions having been raised under conditions of life not so uniform as, and somewhat different from, those to which the parent-species have been exposed under nature.

It comes from Darwin’s On the Origin of Species. 1859

What is the buzz? (cont.)

• Is it easy to read without much mental effort?

– The aim is of our study was firstly to assess changes in the level of tolerance of natives of one country towards immigrants over the course of a 50-year period in order to be able to advise governmental agencies on how to develop strategies based on those countries that have been more successful in reducing racism as already investigated in previous studies, but not in such a systematic way, and secondly to establish correlations with data from the USA, which until now have been reported only sporadically (零星地).

试想，你的导师拿到这样的论文初稿时，心情会是怎样？

What is the buzz? (cont.)

• Now look at the 4 short sentences

a) The aim was to be able to advise governmental agencies on how to develop strategies based on those countries that have been more successful in reducing racism. b) The second aim was to establish correlations with data from the USA, which until now have been reported only sporadically. c) This aspect has already been investigated in previous studies, but not in such a systematic way. d) We assessed changes in the level of tolerance of natives of one country towards immigrants over the course of a 50-year period.

What is the buzz? (cont.)

• No research has ever proved that long sentences

are an aid to reader comprehension.

• A lot of research has proved that

– shorter sentences make comprehension much easier for the reader.

• You may think that writing in a simple way with

short sentences is not elegant and is superficial.

• The question is:

– Is this text effective or not? – Will my readers be able to understand it easily?

Outline: First-Half of Course-5

• 1. Analyze why and how long sentences are

created

• 2. Using short sentences will help your co-authors

if they need to modify your text

• 3. Using short sentence often entails repeating the

key word, thus improving clarity

• 4. Only use a series of short sentences to attract

the reader’s attention

• 5. Combine two short sentences into one longer if

this will avoid redundancy

5.1 Why and How long sentences are created

• S1 (19 words): English owes its origins to the

Angles and Saxons, two tribes from what is now northern Germany and Denmark.

• S2 (extend to 49 words):
• Owing its origins to the Anglo Saxons (a tribe who

lived in what is now Denmark and Northern Germany), English is the international language of communication, in part due to the importance of the USA, rather than the Queen of England, and is now studied by 1.1 billion people.

• Not bad, however, too long.

5.1 Why and How long sentences are created (cont.)

• S3 (Break up S2 into a better solution):

– English owes its origins to the Anglo Saxons, who were a tribe from what is now Denmark and Northern Germany. (a tribe who…Germany), English is the – It has become the international language of

• communication. In part due to

– This is in part due to the importance of the USA, rather than the Queen of England. , and is now – English is now studied by 1.1 billion people.

Outline: First-Half of Course-5

• 1. Analyze why and how long sentences are

created

• 2. Using short sentences will help your co-authors

if they need to modify your text

• 3. Using short sentence often entails repeating the

key word, thus improving clarity

• 4. Only use a series of short sentences to attract

the reader’s attention

• 5. Combine two short sentences into one longer if

this will avoid redundancy

5.2 Using short sentences will help your co-authors

• If your co-authors need to modify your text,
• having short sentences in the initial draft

means that co-authors can:

– add to them (添加新内容) without making the resulting sentence too long – change their order

• For example, let’s have a look at S3

5.2 Using short sentences will help your co-authors (cont.)

• Original S3:

– English owes its origins to the Anglo Saxons, who were a tribe from what is now Denmark and Northern Germany. – It has become the international language of communication. – This is in part due to the importance of the USA, rather than the Queen of England. – English is now studied by 1.1 billion people.

5.2 Using short sentences will help your co-authors (cont.)

• S4 (after re-ordering the sequence):

– English is now studied by 1.1 billion people. – It owes its origins to the Anglo Saxons, who were a tribe from what is now Denmark and Northern Germany. – It has become the international language of communication. – This is in part due to the importance of the USA, rather than the Queen of England.

Outline: First-Half of Course-5

• 1. Analyze why and how long sentences are

created

• 2. Using short sentences will help your co-authors

if they need to modify your text

• 3. Using short sentence often entails repeating

the key word, thus improving clarity

• 4. Only use a series of short sentences to attract

the reader’s attention

• 5. Combine two short sentences into one longer if

this will avoid redundancy

5.3 Using short sentence often helps repeating the key word, thus improving clarity

• Repeating key words is NOT a bad style in

technical writing.

• In fact, repetition helps readers to follow your

text

• It also helps your co-authors

– if they need to modify the order of the sentences in your draft.

Outline: First-Half of Course-5

• 1. Analyze why and how long sentences are

created

• 2. Using short sentences will help your co-authors

if they need to modify your text

• 3. Using short sentence often entails repeating the

key word, thus improving clarity

• 4. Only use a series of short sentences to attract

the reader’s attention

• 5. Combine two short sentences into one longer if

this will avoid redundancy

5.4 Only use a series of short sentences to attract the reader’s attention

• You cannot and should not write a whole paper using

short sentences

• Example

– We investigated the meaning of life. – We used four different methodologies. – Each methodology gave contradictory results. – The results confirmed previous research indicating that we understand absolutely nothing. – Future research will investigate something more simple: the cerebral (大脑的) life of a PhD student.

• How do you feel?

– Like traveling in a car with a learner driver over a bumpy (颠簸的) surface

5.4 Only use a series of short sentences to attract the reader’s attention (cont.)

• Revision:

– In order to investigate the meaning of life, we used four different methodologies. Each methodology , which gave contradictory results. – Those results confirmed the findings of previous research: indicating that we understand absolutely nothing. – Future research will investigate something more simple: i.e., the cerebral (大脑的) life of a PhD student.

• Short sentences would be perfect

– for highlighting some important point in the Results – or in the Discussion, – or when expressing the key aims of your research

Outline: First-Half of Course-5

• 1. Analyze why and how long sentences are

created

• 2. Using short sentences will help your co-authors

if they need to modify your text

• 3. Using short sentence often entails repeating the

key word, thus improving clarity

• 4. Only use a series of short sentences to attract

the reader’s attention

• 5. Combine two short sentences into one longer

if this will avoid redundancy

5.5 Combine two short sentences into one longer if this will avoid redundancy

• Although short sentence is advocated, however, two

short sentences should be combined into a longer sentence if this will

– reduce the amount of redundancy – and improve readability.

• Example

– * On the one hand, companies are increasingly and significantly making use of green claims in advertising their products (Grun and Verde, 2017). On the other hand, consumers often believe that these claims are not reliable and, because of this, they are not orienting their purchasing decisions towards greener products.

5.5 Combine two short sentences into one longer if this will avoid redundancy (cont.)

• How to make a revision:

– * On the one hand, Although companies are increasingly and significantly make ing use of green claims in advertising their products (Grun and Verde, 2017), . On the other hand, consumers

• ften believe that these claims are not reliable

and, because of this, thus they are not do not

• rienting their purchasing decisions towards

greener products.

Outline: First-Half of Course-5

• 1. Analyze why and how long sentences are

created

• 2. Using short sentences will help your co-authors

if they need to modify your text

• 3. Using short sentence often entails repeating the

key word, thus improving clarity

• 4. Only use a series of short sentences to attract

the reader’s attention

• 5. Combine two short sentences into one longer if

this will avoid redundancy

• Thank you so much for your coming!
• Next time we will learn how to divide up the

long sentences into short ones

This is today’s class

Extra sharing of a recent Article

• 一篇微信公众号文章
• Highlights：

Extra sharing of a recent Article (cont.)

• 一篇微信公众号文章

Extra sharing of a recent Article (cont.)

• 一篇微信公众号文章

Could you do me a favor

• Help us collect user-trace data for a research
• topic. The data includes:

– GPS data – The top N Apps you are using

• Don’t worry about the privacy / security

– We will remove all your sensitive information

Scan to download the APP

Could you do me a favor

• You can also download the app from the

Homepage of this class:

– http://inpluslab.com/paperwriting

Course -5: Breaking Up Long Sentences – the 2nd Half

主讲：黄华威

副教授 数据科学与计算机学院 学院个人主页： http://sdcs.sysu.edu.cn/content/4989

《科技论文的阅读与写作》课程主页：http://inpluslab.com/paperwriting

Some facts before Course 5

• A survey carried out at Stanford University

revealed that

– 86.4% of students admitted that in order to appear more intelligent, they used complex language in their essays, theses and dissertations.

• The average length of a sentence in English has

become shorter and shorter over the centuries.

– Shakespeare’s time (1564-1616): 45 words – 150 years ago: 29 words – Today’s experts recommend: 15-18 words

Some facts before Course 5 (cont.)

• John Adair, a communications expert who wrote The

Effective Communicator, reports that 90% of people

– understand an 8-word sentence on first reading, – but only about 4% understand a 27-word sentence first time.

• The Viennese art historian, Ernst Gombrich

– wrote many of this books in English rather than in his native German. – His Story of Art (1950), is one of the most widely accessible art history books ever published, precisely because (恰恰因为) it is written in a clear, simple, unpretentious style.

Recall the Outline: First-Half of Course-5 How and Why the long sentences are created

• 1. Analyze why and how long sentences are

created

• 2. Using short sentences will help your co-authors

if they need to modify your text

• 3. Using short sentence often entails repeating the

key word, thus improving clarity

• 4. Only use a series of short sentences to attract

the reader’s attention

• 5. Combine two short sentences into one longer if

this will avoid redundancy

Outline: 2nd-Half of Course-5 How to convert a long sentence into short ones

• 6. When expressing your aims, consider dividing up a

long sentence into shorter parts

7. If possible, replace and and as well as with a period (.) 8. Be careful how you use link words 9. Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences

• 10. Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together
• 11. Limit the number of commas in the same sentence
• 12. Consider not using semicolons (分号)
• 13. Only use semicolons in lists
• 14. Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples

5.6 When expressing your aims, consider dividing up a long sentence into short parts

• To explain the rationale for adopting a particular

procedure, use expressions such as

– In order to, with the purpose of, with the aim to, in an attempt to

• An example:

– In order to test our hypothesis, we sampled a random selection of documents.

• But if they are longer than 15 words,

– you need to split the sentence up, to see an example

It is fine

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV)

• Our readability index is based on a

series of factors - length of sentences and paragraphs, use of headings, amount of white space, use of formatting (bold, italics, font size etc.) - in order to provide writers with some metrics for judging how much readers are likely to understand the writers’ documents.

• In order to establish a relationship

between document length and level of bureaucracy and to confirm whether documents, such as reports regarding legislative and administrative issues, vary substantially in length from one language to another, we conducted an analysis of A, B and C. REVISED VERSION (RV)

• We wanted to provide writers with some

metrics for judging how much readers are likely to understand the writers’ documents. We thus produced a readability index based

• n series of factors - length of sentences and

paragraphs, use of headings, amount of white space, and use of formatting (bold, italics, font size etc.).

• (1) We conducted an analysis of A, B, and C.

The aim of the analysis was to establish …

• (2) We wanted to establish a relationship

between .. language and another. To do this, we conducted …

• 如何改短？以下两种表达方式都可以：1. 先表述 what you did, 然后说 why you

did it; 2. 首先表述你的 原理， 然后说 what you did。

• 第一种方式要好一些，因为表述 what you did 的时候，原理 已经蕴含在其中了。

Outline: 2nd-Half of Course-5 How to convert a long sentence into short ones

• 6. When expressing your aims, consider dividing up a

long sentence into shorter parts

• 7. If possible, replace and and as well as with a period (.)

8. Be careful how you use link words 9. Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences

• 10. Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together
• 11. Limit the number of commas in the same sentence
• 12. Consider not using semicolons (分号)
• 13. Only use semicolons in lists
• 14. Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV)

• The aim of this paper is to confirm that

how we speak and write generally reflects the way we think and that this is true not only at a personal but also at a national level, and to this end two European languages were analyzed, English and Italian, to verify whether the structure of the language is reflected in the lifestyle of the respective nations. REVISED VERSION (RV)

• How we speak and write generally reflects

the way we think and act.

• This paper aims to prove that this thesis is

true not only at a personal but also at a national level.

• Two European languages were analyzed,

English and Italian, to verify whether the structure of the language is reflected in the lifestyle of the respective nations. Ø Problem: In OV, 3 ideas are linked together using and, 所以导致写出了一个长句子 Ø How to revise?

v and 的用法

5.7 If possible, replace and and as well as with a period (.)

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) The treatments are very often expensive and technically difficult, and their effectiveness very much depends on the chemical and physical characteristics of the substances (物品药物) used for impregnation (受精), and on their ability to ... REVISED VERSION (RV) The treatments are very often expensive and technically difficult. Their effectiveness very much depends on the chemical and physical characteristics of the substances used for

• impregnation. AIso important is their ability to ...

Ø 第一句第二句，断句最简单的方式：replace the first and with a full stop. Ø 但是第二个 and 是为了说明额外的重要细节，所以 RV 中用了important 唤起 effectiveness 的第二点依赖的原因。

v and 的用法 (cont.)

• Sentences containing multiple and are often

found in Experiment Results

– S1. * All samples were collected at the same time every day to prevent any effects of possible time- difference variation and then stored in a central server. – S2. All samples were collected at the same time every day to prevent any effects of possible time-difference

• variation. They were then stored in a central server.

– Rather than a prevention, the author is now actually talking about a different step – Two more similar examples -> Next page

v and 的用法 (cont.)

很常见！

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV)

• Seeds, sterilized (杀菌消毒) for 3 min in

NaOCl (1% available chlorine(氯)) and rinsed (冲洗) with distilled water (蒸馏 水), were germinated (发芽) on moist filter paper in Petri dishes (培养皿) and grown in the dark at 23℃.

• At the beginning we performed 2D and

3D forward modeling of a medium (中介 物) where only the lithological (岩性的) discontinuities(不连续) were taken into account and compared the apparent synthetic resistivity(名词：电阻率) and phase curves (名词：相位曲线) with

• ur experimental data.

REVISED VERSION (RV)

• The seeds were sterilized for 3 min in NaOCl

(1% available chlorine), and rinsed with distilled water. They were then germinated

• n moist filter paper in Petri dishes and

grown in the dark at 23℃.

• At the beginning we performed 2D and 3D

forward modeling of a medium where only the lithological discontinuities were taken into account. We then compared the apparent synthetic resistivity and phase curves with our experimental data.

v and 的用法 (cont.)

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) This finding could be explained by the specific properties of gold, silver and platinum (铂) as well as by the conditions in which these metals were found, for example silver was found in … REVISED VERSION (RV) (1) This finding could be explained by the specific properties of gold, silver and platinum. Another explanation could be the conditions ... (2) ... silver and platinum. The conditions in which these metals were found could also be an explanation. For example, . . .

v As well as 的用法

Ø 什么时候用 as well as，你真的会用吗？ Ø 当避免重复使用多个 and 的时候，在最后一项 item 之前用 Ø 如果用了它，导致句子很长，那就不用 --> 断句 Ø 不能用 as well as 开启一个新句子 Ø Furthermore examples: see the next page 这句是什么毛病？

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) The treatments are very often expensive and technically difficult, moreover their effectiveness very much depends on… REVISED VERSION (RV) The treatments are very often expensive and technically difficult. Moreover, their effectiveness very much depends on…

v As well as 的用法 (cont.)

Ø 不能用 as well as 开启一个新句子 Ø 与 and, as well as 类似作用的单词也同理，如

• in addition,
• furthermore, and
• moreover

Outline: 2nd-Half of Course-5 How to convert a long sentence into short ones

• 6. When expressing your aims, consider dividing up a

long sentence into shorter parts

7. If possible, replace and and as well as with a period (.)

• 8. Be careful how you use link words

9. Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences

• 10. Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together
• 11. Limit the number of commas in the same sentence
• 12. Consider not using semicolons (分号)
• 13. Only use semicolons in lists
• 14. Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples

5.8 Be careful how you use link words

– Whereas, on the other hand, – although, however

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) The levels of cadmium in Site C were comparable to the levels found in Sites A and B in the previous years, whereas / on the

• ther hand the levels for copper were much

lower in Site C with respect to the values found in the previous sampling campaigns in 2008 and 2010. REVISED VERSION (RV) The levels of cadmium in Site C were comparable to the levels found in Sites A and B in the previous years. On the other hand, the levels for copper were much lower in Site C with respect to the values found in the previous sampling campaigns in 2008 and 2010. Ø Not all links words can be used at the beginning of a sentence Ø When whereas is used to compare two findings in a long sentence, use on the other hand

5.8 Be careful how you use link words (cont.)

– Whereas, on the other hand, – although, however

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) The levels of cadmium in Site C were comparable to the levels found in Sites A and B in the previous years, although / however this was not the case for the levels found in the south-east part of Site C. REVISED VERSION (RV) The levels of cadmium in Site C were comparable to the levels found in Sites A and B in the previous years. However, this was not the case for the levels found in the south-east part of Site C. Ø Similar usage with whereas, and on the other hand

5.8 Be careful how you use link words (cont.)

• BECAUSE, SINCE, AS

– are used to give explanations in the middle of a sentence

Words such as since and although are often used in a subordinate clause (从句) at the beginning

• f a sentence, as in S1 below.
• S1. * Since English is now spoken by 1.1 billion people around the world and is used as a

lingua franca in many international business and tourism scenarios between people

• f different languages and between native English speakers and non-native speakers,

the learning of foreign languages in the United Kingdom has suffered a huge decline. Ø The problem with S1: readers are forced to carry too much ! Ø It is much easier to understand S2:

• S2. English is now spoken by 1.1 billion people around the world and is used as a lingua

franca in many international business and tourism scenarios between people of different languages and between native English speakers and non-native speakers. The consequence is that the learning of foreign languages in the United Kingdom has suffered a huge decline.

5.8 Be careful how you use link words (cont.)

• BECAUSE, SINCE, AS,

– are used to give explanations in the middle of a sentence

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) The chemical characterization of organic paint materials in works of art is of great interest in terms of conservation, because / since / as the organic components of the paint layer are particularly subject to degradation (降解). REVISED VERSION (RV) The chemical characterization of organic paint materials in works of art is of great interest in terms of conservation. This is because / In fact the organic components of the paint layer are particularly subject to degradation. Ø Since, as 连接两个有依赖关系的字句，不适合用于连接两个长句子

• Owing to, Due to, As a result of, consequently, thus etc.

– are used to explain the reasons for ‘something’ （省略）

Outline: 2nd-Half of Course-5 How to convert a long sentence into short ones

• 6. When expressing your aims, consider dividing up a

long sentence into shorter parts

7. If possible, replace and and as well as with a period (.) 8. Be careful how you use link words

• 9. Avoid which and relative clauses when these create

long sentences

• 10. Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together
• 11. Limit the number of commas in the same sentence
• 12. Consider not using semicolons (分号)
• 13. Only use semicolons in lists
• 14. Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples

5.9 Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences

• S1. English is now the world’s international language, which is

why it is used in scientific papers.

• S2. English, which has now become the world’s international

language, is studied buy more than a billion people.

• S3. English, [which is] now spoken by more than a billion

people, is the world’s international language. Ø No problem to understand them, because they are short ! Ø Problems arise when sentences are longer, let’s see next page

• which is used to add information, e.g.,

5.9 Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences (cont.)

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) English is now the world’s international language and is studied by more than a billion people in various parts of the world thus giving rise to an industry of English language textbooks and teachers, which explains why in so many schools and universities in countries where English is not the mother tongue it is taught as the first foreign language in preference to, for example, Spanish or Chinese, which are two languages that have more native speakers than English. REVISED VERSION (RV) English is now the world’s international language and is studied by more than a billion people in various parts of the world thus giving rise to an industry of English language textbooks and

• teachers. This (fact) explains why in so many

schools and universities in countries where English is not the mother tongue it is taught as the first foreign language. For example, English is taught in preference to Spanish or Chinese, which are two languages that have more native speakers than English. Ø Problems arise when sentences are longer 79 words Ø 将 which 改为 this, Ø 或者使用 This + noun 结构 (This fact, this decision, this method) 将长句变短

5.9 Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences (cont.)

Ø Problems arise when sentences are longer Ø Problem: 主语是什么？ Ø 两种解决方案 in RV, 只是 emphasis不 一样 ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) English, which has now become the world’s international language and is studied by more than a billion people in various parts

• f the world thus giving rise to an industry
• f English language textbooks and teachers,

is generally used in scientific papers. REVISED VERSION (RV) (1) English is generally used in scientific paper. In fact, English has now become the has now become the world’s international language and is studied by more than a billion people in various parts of the world. This has given rise to an industry of English language textbooks and teachers. (2) English has now become the world’s international language and is studied by more than a billion people in various parts of the

• world. This has given rise to an industry of

English language textbooks and teachers. Today, English is generally used in scientific papers.

5.9 Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences (cont.)

Ø Problems arise when sentences are longer Ø Problem: which is 是否可以省略？ Ø 解决方案：用 It is … 开启一个新短句 ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) English, [which is] now spoken by more than a billion people from all over the world, the biggest populations being those in China and India, and more recently in some ex British colonies in Africa, is the world’s international language. REVISED VERSION (RV) English is the world’s international language. It is now spoken by more than a billion people from all over the world. The biggest populations are those in China and India, and more recently in some ex British colonies in Africa.

ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) Using the method described by Peters et al. (2010), we assessed the state of pollution of three sites in a coastal area [which was] characterized by high levels of agricultural, industrial and tourist activity, as well as

• ccasional volcanic activity (the last major

eruption was in 1997). Using the approach described by Smith and Jones (2011), a distinction, [which was] useful for analysis purposes, particularly in the final stages of the project, was made between the three types of pollution: agriculture, industry and tourism. REVISED VERSION (RV) Using the method described by Peters et al. (2010), we assessed the state of pollution of three sites in a coastal area. This area is characterized by high levels of agricultural, industrial and tourist activity, as well as

• ccasional volcanic activity (the last major

eruption was in 1997). Using the approach described by Smith and Jones (2011), a distinction, was made between the three types of pollution: agriculture, industry and

• tourism. This distinction was useful for analysis

purposes, particularly in the final stages of the project.

5.9 Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences (cont.)

Ø Facts: which was 省略了 Ø Note that, area and distinction are repeated. Ø This repetition is NOT a bad style in English scientific writing.

Outline: 2nd-Half of Course-5 How to convert a long sentence into short ones

• 6. When expressing your aims, consider dividing up a

long sentence into shorter parts

7. If possible, replace and and as well as with a period (.) 8. Be careful how you use link words 9. Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences

• 10. Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together
• 11. Limit the number of commas in the same sentence
• 12. Consider not using semicolons (分号)
• 13. Only use semicolons in lists
• 14. Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples

5.10 Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together

Ø To use –ing form of a verb: another way that writers typically link phrases together Ø Problem: 导致句子太长 Ø 解决方案：use another form of the verb and begin a new sentence ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) Using automatic translation software (e.g. Google Translate, Babelfish, and Systran) can considerably ease the work of researchers when they need to translate documents thus saving them money (for example the fee they might have otherwise had to pay to a professional translator) and increasing the amount of time they have to spend in the laboratory rather than at the PC. REVISED VERSION (RV) Using automatic translation software (e.g. Google Translate, Babelfish, and Systran) can considerably ease the work of researchers when they need to translate documents. Such software saves them money, for example the fee they might have otherwise had to pay to a professional translator. It also increases the amount of time they have to spend in the laboratory rather than at the PC.

5.10 Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together (cont.)

Ø Facts: 可以使用 which indicates, 结果句子太长 Ø 解决方案：在 Verb-ing 之处断句，然后 start a new sentence with This ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) As can be seen from Table 1, the concentrations were far higher than expected especially in the first set of samples, indicating that one cause of pollution was … REVISED VERSION (RV) As can be seen from Table 1, the concentrations were far higher than expected especially in the first set of samples. This indicates that one cause of pollution was …

Outline: 2nd-Half of Course-5 How to convert a long sentence into short ones

• 6. When expressing your aims, consider dividing up a

long sentence into shorter parts

7. If possible, replace and and as well as with a period (.) 8. Be careful how you use link words 9. Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences

• 10. Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together
• 11. Limit the number of commas in the same sentence
• 12. Consider not using semicolons (分号)
• 13. Only use semicolons in lists
• 14. Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples

5.11 Limit the number of commas in the same sentence

Ø Problem: 用逗号持续添加句子，a sign of lazy writing, 自己思路不清晰 Ø 解决方案：重新梳理逻辑，多用一些单词也可以，分成几段表述 ORIGINAL VERSION (OV)

As a preliminary study, in an attempt to establish a relationship between document length and level

• f bureaucracy (官僚主义), we analyzed the

length of 50 European Union documents, written in seven of the official languages of the EU, to confirm whether documents, such as reports regarding legislative and administrative issues, vary substantially in length from one language to another, and whether this could be related, in some way, to the length of time typically needed to carry out daily administrative tasks in those countries (e.g. withdrawing money from a bank account, setting up bill payments with utility providers, understanding the clauses of an insurance contract). The results showed that … REVISED VERSION (RV) Our aim was to see if there is a direct relationship between the length of documents produced in a country, and the length of time it takes to do simple bureaucratic tasks in that country. Our hypothesis was: the longer the document, the greater the level of bureaucracy (官僚主义). In our preliminary study we analyzed translations from English into seven of the official languages of the European Union. We chose 50 documents, mostly regarding legislative (立法) and administrative issues. We then looked at the length of time typically needed to carry out daily administrative tasks in those

• countries. The tasks we selected were withdrawing

money from a bank account, setting up bill payments with utility providers, and understanding the clauses of an insurance contract. The results showed that …

Outline: 2nd-Half of Course-5 How to convert a long sentence into short ones

• 6. When expressing your aims, consider dividing up a

long sentence into shorter parts

7. If possible, replace and and as well as with a period (.) 8. Be careful how you use link words 9. Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences

• 10. Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together
• 11. Limit the number of commas in the same sentence
• 12. Consider not using semicolons (分号)
• 13. Only use semicolons in lists
• 14. Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples

5.12 Consider NOT using semicolons

• Semicolons (;)

– are NOT commonly used in modern English

Ø 使用句号代替 Ø Some writers also use a colon (:) in the same way as a semicolon.

• S1. * Old English had two distinct advantages over Modern English: it had a regular

spelling system and was phonetic (语音学的). Ø It is fine with S1, because the length is less than 20 words. Ø If the resulting sentences are too long when using colon (:), divide them up into short parts How to solve this?

Outline: 2nd-Half of Course-5 How to convert a long sentence into short ones

• 6. When expressing your aims, consider dividing up a

long sentence into shorter parts

7. If possible, replace and and as well as with a period (.) 8. Be careful how you use link words 9. Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences

• 10. Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together
• 11. Limit the number of commas in the same sentence
• 12. Consider not using semicolons (分号)
• 13. Only use semicolons in lists
• 14. Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples

5.13 Only use semicolons in lists

Ø The problem: semicolons connect a too long sentence ! Ø Solution: (1) Use 6 short parts. (2) 换成句号. (3) Using firstly, secondly, etc. (4) remove the brackets (括号) ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) Our system is based on four components: it has many data files (the weather, people, places, etc.); it has procedures which it tries to use to combine these files by working out how to respond to certain types or patterns

• f questions (this entails the user knowing

what types of questions it can answer); it has a form to understand the questions posed in a natural language (so the user may need to know English) which it then translates into

• ne of the types of questions it knows how to

answer; finally, it has a very powerful display module, which it uses to show the answers, using graphs, maps, histograms etc. REVISED VERSION (RV) Our system is based on four components. Firstly, it has many data files, for example the weather, people, and places. Secondly, it has procedures which it tries to use to combine these files by working out how to respond to certain types or patterns of questions and this entails the user knowing what types of questions it can answer. Thirdly, it has a form to understand the questions posed in a natural language, which means the user needs to know English. It then translates the natural language into one of the types of questions it knows how to answer. Finally, it has a very powerful display module, which it uses to show the answers. These answers are shown using graphs, maps, histograms etc.

Outline: 2nd-Half of Course-5 How to convert a long sentence into short ones

• 6. When expressing your aims, consider dividing up a

long sentence into shorter parts

7. If possible, replace and and as well as with a period (.) 8. Be careful how you use link words 9. Avoid which and relative clauses when these create long sentences

• 10. Avoid the –ing form to link phrases together
• 11. Limit the number of commas in the same sentence
• 12. Consider not using semicolons (分号)
• 13. Only use semicolons in lists
• 14. Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples

5.14 Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples

• Original Version:

– Using automatic translation software (e.g. Google translate, Babelfish, and Systran) can considerably ease the work of researchers when they need to translate documents thus saving them money (for example the fee they might have otherwise had to pay to a professional translator) and increasing the amount of time they have to spend in the laboratory rather than at the PC.

Non-list explanations / examples

5.14 Restrict use of parentheses to giving examples (cont.)

• Revised Version:

– Using automatic translation software (e.g. Google translate, Babelfish, and Systran) can considerably ease the work of researchers when they need to translate documents thus saving them money, for example the fee they might have otherwise had to pay to a professional translator. and increasing It also increases the amount of time they have to spend in the laboratory rather than at the PC.

5.15 Final guidelines

• First draft, without thinking too much about long

length of sentences

– Find and Read them out: 换气就需要断句

• General rules:

– Occasionally (偶尔) use short sentences to attract attention, particularly in Abstract and Discussion – Avoid sentences of more than 35 words – However, clarity and readability are independent of length

• If your sentence contains the following, to divide it up

– Which + which – And + and + and – , …, …, …, – Also + in addition / furthermore – ;

Make your story easy to follow!

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