COMMUNICATION TO GAIN COOPERATION LifeServices Employee - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

“COMMUNICATION TO GAIN COOPERATION”

LifeServices Employee Assistance Program (EAP) 1-800-822-4847 Margie Roop, LPCC-S; CEAP; SAP, Regional Director

HAVE YOU EVER…

• Walked away from a

conversation wondering…”what just happened?”

• Felt tense in your gut

after you “thought” the issue was addressed?

• Felt on the defense in

trying to confront an issue?

• Had someone say, “I

think you’re taking things the wrong way?”

ALL YOU WERE DOING…

• Was asking a favor.
• Asking for their involvement in a

project

• Asking for their COOPERATION with

an assignment

• Asking them to be open about a

subject

• It’s not like you were asking

them to jump off a cliff, right?

IT’S AMAZING JUST HOW…

• Employees can misinterpret a message.
• Think they are being attacked.
• Perceive that someone is putting so much on them.
• Employees feel they are being judged
• Think one is out to cause them harm
• Believe the request is ridiculous
• Or, feel that they’re the only one who is asked to help!?

IT’S STRESS, FOLKS!

• Understand that their irrational response to what you

may be requesting is typically about THEM!

• In the course of anyone’s day, a lot happens in life to

affect “how we are with others!”

• “Personal problems do not punch out when people

punch in”…right?

• We end up spending MOST of our waking hours at work,

amongst others (with their own stress), & having to perform duties that may be: boring, repetitive, physically hard, dangerous, requiring extreme focus, etc…

HOWEVER, MAYBE IT IS US…!

• Maybe it’s in HOW we

conveyed the request.

• Maybe it’s in how we

approached them.

• Maybe it’s in our tone of

voice, our posture, our (lack

• f) eye contact.
• Just maybe, it WAS us & OUR

stress!

MOST PEOPLE WOULD ADMIT THAT…

• Communication can

sometimes be tough!

• Communication is often

fraught with confusing emotions.

• Confronting an issue with

someone sometimes resembles a two hour aerobic workout!

• They have had trouble

“holding their ground” with another party.

• Communication is a lot

harder than one thinks!

• They secretly wish that

people would just be able to “read their minds”!

COMMUNICATION:

• Occurs all the time-

whether we realize it or not!

• Is a vital facet of

everyday life!

• Can become

effortless by following a few guidelines.

HOW DO WE KNOW IF SOMEONE IS BEING DIFFICULT?

• They do not agree with our

ideas?

• They demonstrate a

“negative” attitude towards us?

• They criticize your ideas?
• They throw a “monkey

wrench” into the process?

• They are close-minded.
• Always defensive?

DIFFICULT PEOPLE: THEY…

Usually “poo-poo” ideas for change? Behave disrespectfully towards you? Feel they are always right? Distrustful of others in general? Always want to fight?!

HOWEVER, WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHERS..

• We CAN change/control
• urselves:
• 1. In how we present our

ideas

• 2. In how we ask for

cooperation.

• In how we respond to their

responses!

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF YOU GOT SOMEONE TO COOPERATE WITH YOU?

• You feel that you

were heard!

• You feel your

needs were met (or at least a start).

• You don’t have

that nagging “gut feeling” of unfinished business.

YOU ALSO FEEL….

• Glad you brought

up the issue.

• Affirmed in your

feeling about the issue.

• Successful in

convincing the

• ther party of the

importance of your issue!

THEY SAID: “YES!”

COMMUNICATION TO GAIN COOPERATION

• Boils down to your ability to

convince another person of the importance of your issue

• r concern-THAT’S IT!!
• And, you can accomplish

this EVEN with a “difficult” person! Hint: If you can do it with a teenager, you can do it with anybody….!

REMAIN CALM!

• 1. Usually, however, it is in how we try to sell others
• n our idea that makes the “sale” break down;

approach each personal encounter in a calm fashion-there is nothing worth upsetting yourself

• ver….especially with a difficult person!

SPACE ISSUES…

• 2. Respect each other’s personal space-a good two

feet away from one another.

LET ME HEAR YOUR BODY TALK!

• 3. Use “open” body language!

THE OLD “I” STATEMENTS…

• 4. State your concern using “I” statements”:
• “I’m upset about your lack of involvement in the

Smith project.”

• “I thought I was clear about how I wanted you
• involved. If I wasn’t, I apologize. Here’s what I need

from you…”

• “Does that make sense to you?”
• “Help me understand why you do things that

way…”

LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN…

• 5. Allow the other party to

respond…really listen to them. Use reflective listening, i.e., if the person appears baffled by your statement, say so: “You look baffled by what I just said...” Or: “I hear you saying that you need more time (help, focus, budget needs, etc…), is that right?”

ENCOURAGE RESPONSES…

• 6. It is important to, even though you are

initiating the conversation, encourage the

• ther person to respond, i.e., “OK, tell me

more” or “Is there anything else you need to tell me?” This shows that you are not dominating the conversation.

• “Exhaust the conversation”. This takes time,

but not as much as you’d think!

STAY IN THE “HERE & NOW”…..

• 7. Remain in the present: “Right now, I feel

uncomfortable as you are looking at me,” or “I’m unsure why, but I’m upset with how you just responded,” or “This doesn’t feel good for me.”

• Or, “I’m happy about how you’re responding!”

USE THE “BROKEN RECORD” METHOD…

• 8. If the person doesn’t own their

responsibility with the situation in question, use the “broken record” method by returning to your

• riginal concern: “I hear what

you’re saying, however, I’m still confused by your refusal to cooperate-it’s throwing me off. It makes me feel like there’s some sort of miscommunication about the project!?”

BE CLEAR

• 9. If what you need in terms of

cooperation is PART of the person’s job, make sure the employee clearly understands this:

• “John, I hope you understand

that what I’m asking of you is an integral part of your job duties.”

• Or, “I do not want to come

across as demanding, however, what I need from you IS in your job description.”

• John, unfortunately, you’ve got

no choice in this matter as this is a function of your position; I’m confused by your resistance to this.”

SUMMARIZE

• 10. Summarize the

conversation. Ensure that both parties understand exactly what has been decided. Ask for clarification from the

• ther person:

“Ok, so, as a result of our conversation, tell me what your understanding is going forward?”

THANK THE EMPLOYEE!

• Employees simply do not hear a

“thank-you” often enough, so THANK them for their cooperation!

• They will remember this

encounter especially when it ends on a positive note.

NO COOPERATION?

• If you feel you’ve received

no cooperation despite your best efforts, discipline may be in order. Consult with your supervisor or with your HR department.

POINTS TO KEEP IN MIND:

• Assess YOUR emotions

prior to the encounter- are you being

• bjective?
• Admit if there exists

some type of personality conflict-this is a simple fact of life- put it aside or enlist the help of another party in the encounter.

• What’s your stress level on

that particular day- remember our “personal stuff” doesn’t simply “check-out” the moment we “check-in” to work!

OTHER CONSIDERATIONS

• Is your employee properly

trained? They may not feel comfortable admitting this OR don’t want to “throw someone under the bus” for not training them.

• Is your employee literate?
• Are they receiving mixed

messages from management?

IS SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON?

Do they appear stressed out? Possibly violating your P & P prohibiting substances in the workplace? Rumors that they’re having personal problems? Did they share that they’re having personal problems? Are they being directed to do things a certain way by other employees?

ASK THE QUESTIONS

• As they see you address the issue,

they WILL feel better discussing it; NO SECRETS!

• If they disclose a personal

problem, mention the EAP & give them our wallet card.

• Allow for privacy if you sense they

want to talk about a co-worker or

• ther supervisor or personal

problem.

COMMUNICATION TO GAIN COOPERATION

• How good are you at convincing another
• f the importance of your issue?
• If you experienced failed cooperation,

which of the “Ten Steps” did you miss?

Now go out and enjoy life!