Building Resiliency in our Children Beth Hayes, D.C.S., C. Psych. - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

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Building Resiliency in our Children Beth Hayes, D.C.S., C. Psych. - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Building Resiliency in our Children Beth Hayes, D.C.S., C. Psych. Assoc Susan Wood, M.A., C. Psych. October 18, 2014 Educating for Success! Goals of presentation What is resiliency? Why is resiliency important to develop in children?


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Educating for Success!

Building Resiliency in our Children

Beth Hayes, D.C.S., C. Psych. Assoc Susan Wood, M.A., C. Psych. October 18, 2014

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Goals of presentation

What is resiliency? Why is resiliency important to develop in children? Research-based factors associated with developing resilient mindset in children/adolescents. These concepts are not new and for the most part are things parents are already doing. However, there are times when we run into difficult situations and are looking for new

  • r additional strategies.
  • Resources
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Resiliency Factors

  • Temperament
  • Empathy
  • Communication
  • Strong Relationships
  • Rewriting the script
  • Competence
  • Learning from Mistakes
  • Helping others
  • Problem-Solving
  • Self-Discipline and Self-Worth
  • Optimism
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What is Resiliency?

Resilience may be understood as the capacity of a child to deal effectively with stress and pressure, to cope with everyday challenges, to rebound from disappointments, mistakes, trauma, and adversity, to develop clear and realistic goals, to solve problems, to interact comfortably with

  • thers, and to treat oneself and others with

respect and dignity (Brooks & Goldstein, 2001)

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Why is Resiliency Important to Develop in Children?

  • All children face challenge and stress in the

course of their development

  • Essential for preparing children for success and

satisfaction in their future lives

  • Nurturing resilience should be a vital ingredient

in the process of parenting every child whether that child has been burdened by adversity or not

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Dreams and Expectations

Think back to a time B.C. (Before Children) or (Before Chaos) Thoughts, feelings, concerns? What kind of parent did you envision being?

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Temperament

Research indicates that children are born with a set of temperamental traits which affect the way their personalities develop. We need to understand our children’s unique temperamental traits in order to help them develop a resilient mindset.

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Temperament

  • Early ideas/teachings about temperament

assumed that all babies were the same

  • Later research (Dr. Stella Chess and Alexander

Thomas) revealed 3 distinct temperaments in infants

  • 1. The Easy Child
  • 2. The Slow-to-Warm-Up Child
  • 3. The Difficult Child
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9 Temperamental Traits

More recent research has identified 9 different traits as referenced in ‘See Kids can Cope’ booklet

  • 1. Activity Level
  • 2. Distraction
  • 3. Intensity
  • 4. Regularity
  • 5. Approach/Withdrawal
  • 6. Sensitivity
  • 7. Adaptability
  • 8. Persistence
  • 9. Mood
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Temperament

  • Temperament + Parental expectations/style =

match

  • Temperament + Parental expectations/style =

mismatch

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Strong Relationships

  • Crucial that child has a strong relationship with

at least one caring adult

  • Be aware of opportunities to connect
  • Schedule special time with individual children

that you both enjoy

  • Don’t miss significant occasions
  • Enjoy your children at all ages and stages
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Teaching and Conveying Empathy

  • Walk a mile in their shoes
  • Defined as: “the ability to identify with or

vicariously experience the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of others”

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Guidelines to becoming an empathic parent

  • 1. Begin with Empathy: the foundation for

effective communication

  • not to be confused with giving in, spoiling your

child, or being indecisive

  • 2. Let experience be your guide:
  • Think of some experiences from your own

childhood

  • e.g., what was your best memory of time spent

with your mother; father

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Communication

8 Steps to improve communication

  • 1. Become an active listener
  • 2. Reflect: “Is this what your saying”
  • 3. Do unto others
  • 4. Use non-judgemental and non-accusatory

language

  • 5. Communicate clearly and briefly
  • 6. Serve as a model
  • 7. Make humour part of your communication
  • 8. Use ‘how’ questions and avoid ‘why’ questions
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Communication

Do our messages build our children up or do they “chip away at them”?

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Changing the Words (rewriting the script)

  • Well-meaning parents have been known to

apply the same approach with their children for weeks months, or years even when the approach has proven ineffective

  • One size does not fit all
  • If not working, parents must change their ‘script’

if their children are to change theirs

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Nurturing Islands of Competence

  • Children need to feel that they are skilled in at

least one or two areas that are valued by them and others

  • Importance of play in developing curiosity and

interests

  • When children discover their island of

competence, they are more willing to confront those areas that have been problematic for them

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Mistakes are Experience to Learn From

  • Resilient children tend to perceive mistakes as
  • pportunities for learning
  • Parents serve as significant role models for

handling mistakes

  • Parents can use their children’s mistakes as

teachable moments

  • Parents must have realistic expectations for

their children and not set the bar too high or too low

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Developing Responsibility, Compassion, and a Social Conscience

  • Involvement in tasks that involve helping others

reinforces several key characteristics of a resilient mindset including empathy, a sense of satisfaction in the positive impact of one’s behaviours, a more confident outlook as islands of competence are displayed, and the use of problem-solving skills

  • This can include ‘we need your help’ rather

than ‘remember to do your chores’

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Making Decisions and Problem-Solving

  • Resilient children are able to articulate

problems, consider different solutions, attempt what they judge to be the most appropriate solution and learn from the outcome

  • Important for parents to encourage children to

consider different possible solutions

  • Provide choices at an early age
  • What to do if it doesn’t work
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Self-Discipline and Self-Worth

  • Two major goals of effective discipline are (a)

to ensure a safe and secure environment in which children understand and can define rules, limits, and consequences, and (b) to reinforce self-displine and self-control so that children incorporate these rules and apply them even when parents are not present

  • Key principles
  • Practice prevention
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  • Work as a team
  • Be consistent, not rigid
  • Select one’s battleground carefully
  • Rely when possible on natural and logical

consequences

  • Positive feedback and encouragement are more

powerful forms of discipline

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Hope and Optimism

  • Optimistic thinking can help children approach

their lives and their problems with a positive attitude.

  • It also gives them faith and courage to persist in

the face of challenges

  • Parents can challenge negative thoughts

(gently)

  • Show them a more positive view
  • Model optimistic thinking
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Resiliency for parents Resiliency is important for parents too. How?

  • Supportive relationships
  • Emotional skills
  • Competence
  • Optimism
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help
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Resources Books by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein: *Nurturing in Our Children: Answers to the Most Important Parenting Questions (2003) *Raising Resilient Children (2002) *Raising a Self-Discipline Child: Help Your Child Become More Responsible, Confident, and Resilient (2007)

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Resources

www.psychologyfoundation.org Kids Can Cope: Parenting Resilient Children at Home and at School www.kidshavestresstoo.org www.aboutkidshealth.ca 10 Tips for Raising Resilient Kids by Margarita Tartakovsky (Handout)