All of humanitys problems stem from the inability to sit quietly - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

All of humanity’s problems stem from the inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

• P a s c a l

GRIEF

An innate, automatic healing process which occurs in the human mind and body in response to loss

Common experiences that most people GRIEVE in their lifetime

1 . D eath of a loved on e 2 . D ivor ce or br eak up 3 . T r auma (de f i n e d on n e xt s li de ) 4 . D iag n osis of ch r on ic or ter min al disease 5. ‘ L oss’ of ch ildh ood (at t ac h me n t t rauma) 6. S cr atch on a n ew car (n ot i n t e n de d as f li ppan t , t o h e lp e s t abli s h de f i n i t i on of gri e f ) 7 . O n g oin g an d multi -sour ce loss, th r eat of loss, an d disr uption t o f oun dat i on al as pe c t s of i n t e rn al an d e xt e rn al s upport , be lon gi n g, an d/or s e n s e of s e lf (i .e ., c urre n t worldwi de v i ral pan de mi c we kn ow as COV ID - 19)

TRAUMA

Life experiences which cause fear, pain, hurt, loss, shame, and

• ther emotions which, if left unacknowledged or unhealed, may

create a variety of symptoms which disrupt our psychological, physical, mental and relational well being and functioning.

• 1. I either am or perceive that

I am HELPLESS

• 2. The experience felt

OVERWHELMING and often UNEXPECTED; at times it felt “uncontrollable”

• 3. I either am or perceive that

I am UNDER THREAT

(literal life or death, and/or my emotional, physical, or psycho- logical security and safety)

Commonalities of TRAUMATIC experiences that may have deep, lasting impact

Much human struggle, as well as physical and mental illness, comes from unprocessed and unhealed grief, trauma, and loss Just as there is an innate process in the body that heals a broken bone, there is one for emotional brokenness, called Grief

SHOCK DENIAL BARGAINING GUILT ACCEPTANCE SADNESS ANGER

§ Disorientation § Numbing § ‘Surreal’ § ‘Lost’ § Sudden re-awareness

SHOCK

(protection)

SHOCK DENIAL BARGAINING GUILT ACCEPTANCE SADNESS ANGER

§ Knowing, but not knowing § As-if behavior § Business as usual § Won’t apply to me § It’s not happening

DENIAL

(deeper protection)

SHOCK DENIAL BARGAINING GUILT ACCEPTANCE SADNESS ANGER

§ Attempt to control § If, then § If I watch enough news… § If I don’t watch the news… § If I take Vitamin C… § If I’m not 65, diabetic, and… § If I go to church…

BARGAINING

(undoing)

SHOCK DENIAL BARGAINING GUILT ACCEPTANCE SADNESS ANGER § “If only” § Attempt to control retroactively § Finding the culprit § Purpose: accepting my PART (if it applies) § Becoming wiser § Accepting powerlessness (and changing/doing what I can)

GUILT

SHOCK DENIAL BARGAINING GUILT ACCEPTANCE SADNESS ANGER § From thinking to feeling § Comes in waves § The meaning of tears § Giving up the fight § Allows connecting to others through loss and shared vulnerability § Acknowledging what we miss, value, and are grateful for

SADNESS

(Sorrow and Mourning)

SHOCK DENIAL BARGAINING GUILT ACCEPTANCE SADNESS ANGER § Urge to take action § Begin the change; empowerment § Self-preservation and protecting what is mine § Can become depression, § Displaced clarity, sorting out § Willingness to see reality and do what is necessary

ANGER

SHOCK DENIAL BARGAINING GUILT ACCEPTANCE SADNESS ANGER

§ Sense of peace § Less urge to “move on” § This is what is § Awareness of wisdom § Desire to help others

ACCEPTANCE

GRIEVING EFFECTIVELY

What is necessary to grieve (heal) effectively?

VALIDATION

1

VALIDATION ü need from self and others ü may be painful ü finding connection through

• thers who have or are

experiencing the same ü I had it and survived ü I lost a loved one ü I’m an “essential worker” ü I am (or was) on the front lines too

PHYSICAL SAFETY

PHYSICAL SAFETY ü basic needs secured ü utilizing PPE ü absence of physical threat

2

EMOTIONAL SAFETY

EMOTIONAL SAFETY ü others who allow all our feelings ü autonomic nervous system ‘knows’ safety ü being safe with

• urselves; can I trust

‘that person’ (me)

3

TIME

TIME ü necessary, but not enough

4

SHARING OUR PAIN

SHARING OUR PAIN WITH OTHERS ü strength through vulnerability

5

REMOVING BLOCKS

REMOVING BLOCKS ü proactive growth ü self-care ü addictions ü self-destructive habits and behaviors

6

ABNORMAL GRIEF

The other option – a hamster wheel that is ongoing, endless, circular, and manifests symptoms of illness, poor sleep, and enactment behaviors

ABNORMAL GRIEF

1 . P R O T E S T § D e n i a l o f l o s s o r v u l n e r a b i l i t y § L o o k s l i k e a n g e r , b l a m e , h o s t i l i t y , s e p a r a t i o n 2 . P I N I N G § W a n d e r i n g § A t t e m p t t o “ f i l l u p ” f r o m s o m e t h i n g o u t s i d e § C a n ’ t g e t e n o u g h o f w h a t y o u d o n ’ t n e e d § C o n s u m i n g , a c q u i r i n g , h o a r d i n g § C o m p u l s i v e b e h a v i o r s 3 . D E S P A I R § D e p r e s s i o n § H o p e l e s s n e s s § L e t h a r g y § S e n s e o f h e l p l e s s n e s s § C y n i c i s m / n e g a t i v i t y § ” Y e a h , b u t … ” 4 . D E T A C H M E N T - N U M B I N G § L i f e l e s s n e s s § C a n ’ t i n i t i a t e a c t i o n § L a c k o f M o t i v a t i o n § I s o l a t i o n

QUESTIONS?