Winning Co-operation with Effective Communication Dr. Allison Rees - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Winning Co-operation with Effective Communication

• Dr. Allison Rees

Lifeseminars.com

Who are you parenting?

• Temperament?
• What are their personal triggers?
• What are their strengths?
• What are their challenges?
• What kind of approach works best with this

child?

Be a Basket Case

A B C

Authority Neutral time discussion Let it go Ignore

• The child is old enough
• The child has been taught
• It doesn’t involve safety
• It won’t have devastating consequences
• It doesn’t really affect anyone else

Are you getting in the way of your child’s learning?

Kid Issue

• Represent the neutral area of the house
• Keep people safe
• Respect privacy and individual rights

Are you maintaining boundaries and limits that really matter?

Family Issues:

Labels Micro-managing …. Nagging Gushy Praise Criticism I don’t like your behaviour right now! Talking too much…… Lecturing Moralizing Gunny-sacking Blame Self- esteem Evaluative Feedback Demands

Jump Into the Circle

1

Observation

2 Feelings 4 Request 3 Needs Values Important

Observation

• What do you see or hear
• Detach evaluations from character
• Articulate the observable behaviour
• Stop blame

Feelings

• Feelings are useful messages that point to what

matters to us.

• Negative feelings point to frustrated needs.
• Children are lustful and have problems identifying

their feelings.

• We need to be a child’s surrogate, pre-frontal

lobe.

• Reflecting and expressing feelings increases moral

development, emotional and mental health and respect.

Personal Needs

• achievement, accomplishment, autonomy,

choices, comfort, contribution, creativity, dreams, emotional safety, freedom, goals, growth, integrity, justice, learning, meaning,

• rder, peace and quiet, physical safety, play,

privacy, self-worth, sense of self, time alone…..

Needs in Relationships

• acceptance, affection, appreciation,

closeness, community, company, consideration, distance, empathy, equality, fairness, honesty, inclusion, love, support, reassurance, respect, trust, understanding, warmth……

Needs

• What really matters to you?
• What really matters to your child?
• Kid Issue?
• Personal Issue?
• Family Issue?

Requests

Not demands What we do:

• What - Requests
• We - Family Value, Needs
• Do – Golden Rule

Family issues – the social order

Jump Into the Circle

1

It’s 5:00 I Expected you Home at 4:00

2 Worried 4 3 Need: Safety

A specific “do”

Basket B -The Process

• 1. Define the Issue
• 2. What are each person’s needs?
• 3. Brainstorm
• 4. Evaluate proposals and chose a plan
• 5. Follow through, take action, follow up