WHY YOU ALWAYS …..............? LEARNING EACH OTHERS PERSONALITY DYNAMICS FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION IN YOUR MARRIAGE – UNDERSTANDING YOU “WIRED THAT WAY!” POPULAR SANGUINE – “LET’S DO IT THE FUN WAY.” POWERFUL CHOLERIC – “LET’S DO IT MY WAY.” PERFECT MELANCHOLY – “LET’S DO IT THE RIGHT WAY.” PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC – “LET’S DO IT THE EASY WAY.”
YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE! Psalm 139:14King James Version (KJV) 14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. The Lord has designed each of us very specifically and individually. We’re blessed that He has given us insight into one another by giving us perfectly assigned personality traits. No one trait is better than or less than the other, but all are vitally important in how we function in every area of our lives, including our marriages. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made, now let’s see how you’re wired
POPULAR SANGUINE • Place in the Team: Creative person • Emotional Needs: Attention, acceptance “as is”, affection, approval • Best at: • Making initial contact with people • Creating enthusiasm and excitement • Encouraging and uplifting others • Ensuring the group has fun • Is Apt to Be: Too easily distracted and forgetful • Presentation Style: Humorous and with a light touch • Warning: • Can come on off happy or cute • Not considered serious or believable • Don’t let them handle money Realize they need fun and adventure!
POWERFUL CHOLERIC • Place in the Team: Leadership person • Emotional Needs: Loyalty, sense of control, appreciation, accomplishment • Best at: • Motivating people to action • Controlling the plans and productivity • Giving quick and clear instructions • Making sure the group sees the immediate gain • Is Apt to be: Too impulsive and intimidating • Presentation Style: Authoritative and convincing • Warning: • May come on too overpowering • Seems to look down on others • Often intimidates less confident people Realize they need action and excitement!
PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC • Place in the Team: Support Person • Emotional Needs: Peace and quiet, feeling of worth, lack of stress, respect • Best At: • Making sure the group is relaxed and comfortable • Always finding a middle ground • Staying calm and functional amidst chaos • Not overreacting to a negative situation • Is Apt to be: Too undisciplined and indecisive • Presentation Style: Believable • Warning: • May come across as too low-key, dull or lazy • Appears too unenthusiastic and unconvinced • Don’t count on them for motivation Realize they need rest and some quiet time!
PERFECT MELANCHOLY • Place in the Team: Detail person • Emotional Needs: Sensitivity, support when down, space, silence • Best at: • Planning ad explaining the details • Keeping the financial records straight • Being sensitive to the needs of others • Making sure the group sees the long-range goal • Is Apt to Be: Too easily distracted and critical • Presentation Style: Accurate and sincere • Warning: • Might come across too intellectual and remote • May make others feel less intelligent • Can get lost in the details Realize they need order and understanding!
PERSONALITY TEMPERAMENTS Extroverted, Optimistic, Outspoken Basic Desire: Have Basic Desire: Have Control Attention Emotional Needs: Affection Loyalty Approval Sense of Control Acceptance Appreciation LEAD Controls By: Charm Credit for Work Controls By: Threat of Anger Powerful Choleric Popular Sanguine WORK PLAY Decisive, Organized, Goal Oriented Witty, Easygoing, Goal Oriented Introverted, Pessimistic, Soft spoken Basic Desires: Have Perfection Basic Desire: Have Peace Emotional Needs: Emotional Needs: Sensitivity Peace and Quiet ANALYZE Feeling of Worth Support Space Lack of Stress Silence Respect Controls By: Threat of Moods Controls By: Procrastination Peaceful Perfect Melancholy Phlegmatic
ARE YOU LIVING IN YOUR STRENGTHS OR WEAKNESSES? Each personality type has strengths and weaknesses of that personality. Review the back page of your evaluation and let’s examine the strengths and weaknesses and them discuss with one another whether you identify with any of those traits for YOURSELF!
NATURAL PERSONALITY BLENDS – PB&J THESE BLENDS NATURALLY HAVE A TENDENCY TO GO TOGETHER (THAT DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE PERFECT) MAY COMPETE FOR LEADERSHIP. • POPULAR SANGUINE/POWERFUL CHOLERIC • PERFECT MELANCHOLY/PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC • POWERFUL CHOLERIC/PERFECT MELANCHOLY • PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC/POPULAR SANGUINE
OPPOSING PERSONALITY BLENDS – OPPOSITES ATTRACT ENSURE YOU BOTH ARE SENSITIVE TO ONE ANOTHERS DIFFERENCES AND HOW YOU FUNCTION. DON’T ATTEMPT TO OVERPOWER WITH YOUR PERSONALITY. • POWERFUL CHOLERIC/PERFECT MELANCHOLY • POPULAR SANGUINE/PERFECT MELANCHOLY • POWERFUL CHOLERIC/PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC
HOW EACH PERSONALITY TEMPERAMENT FUNCTIONS IN THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP A strong marriage honestly examines its assets and liabilities and then makes a plan of action to either become better together or function in the same ole same ole. Let’s examine how each temperament has a tendency to see marriage. Do any of these resonate with you?
POPULAR SANGUINE – THE “FUN” MARRIAGE LIABILITIES ASSETS SPONTANEOUS LACK OF PLANS AND GOALS EXCITING UNSTABLE ENTHUSIASTIC KEEP MARRIAGE FRESH FLIRTATIOUS FLEXIBLE MESSY COMPROMISING NO ONE LISTENS FORGIVING PLAY WITH CHILDREN RELATIONSHIP REMAINS SUPERFICIAL CREATIVE SEX FALL TO PUT DOWN ROOTS BLURRED GENERATIONAL BOUNDARIES FINANCIAL MATTERS LACK BUDGETING, ACCOUNTING AND RETIREMENT PLANNING
POWERFUL CHOLERIC – THE ”ACTIVE” MARRIAGE ASSETS LIABILITIES GOAL ORIENTED STRUGGLE FOR CONTROL CLEAR BOUNDARIES OVERCOMMITTED AND LATE HIGH ACCOMPLISHMENTS NOT TIME FOR RELATIONSHIP RESPECT EACH OTHER TWO CAREERS PULLING ON MARRIAGE HIGH ENERGY MARRIAGE A LOW PRIORITY CHAMPIONING CAUSES BLURRING OF PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL BOUNDARIES FIRM PARENTS SHOUTING CONTESTS QUICK SEX FEAR OF SHARING
PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC – THE “RELAXED” MARRIAGE ASSETS LIABILITIES STABLE LOW ACCOMPLISHMENTS AGREEABLE LACK OF PLANNING CONTENT KIDS CAN TAKE OVER LOW PRESSURE DULL SATISFIED CONTROL IS PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MODEST LACK OF COMMUNICATION LACK OF DIRECTION LOSS OF INDIVIDUAL IDENTITY PATIENT WITH CHILDREN BLURRED GENERATIONAL BOUNDARIES SPECIAL-EVENT SEX FEAR OF CONFLICT
PERFECT MELANCHOLY – THE “ORGANIZED” MARRIAGE ASSETS LIABILITIES NEAT HOME CRITICAL LONG-RANGE PLANS DANGER OF MID-LIFE CRISIS FINANCIAL ORDER DEPRESSED AND BROODING PUNCTUAL KEEP RECORD OF WRONGS VALUE EDUCATION REINFORCE EACH OTHER’S NEGATIVITY REMEMBER IMPORTANT DATES STUCK IN ROUTINES COMMITTED TO EACH OTHER MAY BE UNFAITHFUL LOVING AND PROTECTIVE WITH CHILDREN REPEAT MALADAPTIVE BEHAVIORS ROMANTIC SEX HIGH EXPECTATIONS PLACE HEAVY BURDEN ON RELATIONSHIPS
YOU’RE JUST WIRED THAT WAY!!! IF YOU KNOW HOW YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE ARE WIRED THEN YOU BOTH CAN BEGIN TO COMMUNICATE WITH ONE ANOTHER IN WAYS THAT ARE MORE EFFECTIVE AND IN A MANNER IN WHICH YOU’LL BE HEARD. THIS DOESN’T JUST APPLY TO MARRIAGE. YOU’LL NOW BE ABLE TO DETERMINE THE PERSONALITY TEMPERAMENT OF YOUR CHILDREN AND MANY FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS. DON’T YOU LOVE THAT THE LORD LOVES US SO MUCH AND DESIRES FOR US TO BE RELATIONAL, THAT HE GIVES US BEAUTIFUL INSIGHT INTO EXACTLY HOW TO TOUCH THE HEART OF ONE ANOTHER AND COMMUNICATE IN A WAY THAT SPECIFICALLY SPEAKS TO OUR SPOUSES DISTINCT PERSONALITY. YOU’RE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE BY DESIGN ….....YOU’RE WIRED THAT WAY!
WIRED THAT WAY A comprehensive guide to understanding and maximizing your personality type Authors: Marita Littauer with insights from Florence Littauer Based on the teachings of: Marita Littauer & Florence Littauer
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