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Copywriting in the public sector with Lorraine Forrest-Turner governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk What well be doing today 1. Determine your objective 2. Know your audience 3. Create one clear message 4.


  1. What’s in a style guide? governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk What’s in a style guide? ● Headlines ● Abbreviations & acronyms ● Hyphens ● Apostrophes ● Inverted commas ● Accents ● Italics ● Capitals (e.g. job titles) ● Percentages ● Collective nouns ● Phone numbers ● Colons and commas ● Punctuation ● Contractions ● Sexism ● Dates ● Time ● E-expressions

  2. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk The customer is strictly liable for any loss or damage to the injection, agitation and extraction equipment howsoever caused while in the customer’s possession.

  3. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk You are responsible for carpet cleaning equipment in your possession and will be expected to pay for any loss or damage.

  4. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk We want you to enjoy renting our carpet cleaners. But we’re sorry to say if you lose or damage them, we’ll have to charge you the replacement cost.

  5. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Hire them. Enjoy them. Bring them back in good nick. (Or we’ll have to slam one of those liability things on you.)

  6. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk The right style for you? ● What is Plain English? ● http://www.plainenglish.co.uk/

  7. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Definitely not Plain English If there are any points on which you require explanation or further particulars, we shall be glad to furnish such additional details as may be required by telephone. If you have any questions, give me a call.

  8. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Definitely not Plain English High-quality learning environments are a necessary precondition for facilitation and enhancement of the ongoing learning process. Children need good schools if they’re going to learn properly.

  9. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Definitely not Plain English Your enquiry about the use of the entrance area at the library for the purpose of displaying posters and leaflets about Welfare and Supplementary Benefit rights gives rise to the question of the provenance and authoritativeness of the material to be displayed.

  10. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Definitely not Plain English Posters and leaflets issued by the Central Office of Information, the Department of Health and Social Security and other authoritative bodies are usually displayed in libraries, but items of a disputatious or polemic kind, whilst not necessarily excluded, are considered individually.

  11. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Definitely not Plain English Thank you for your letter asking to display posters in the library. We need to see them first to check they won’t offend anyone.

  12. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk The rules of Plain English ● Write for the reader ● Write to inform (not impress) ● Don’t use a big word if a small one will do ● Avoid (or minimise) jargon ● Keep sentences/paragraphs short ● Write in active sentences

  13. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk How short is short? ● Aim for average of 15 words per second ● Above 16 words becomes difficult ● Less captive audience, shorter sentences ● Online writing has created need for one sentence paragraphs

  14. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk What is a sentence? 1. Patients should sit in the waiting room until their name is called. 2. Please sit in the waiting room. 3. Sit.

  15. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk A sentence must obey 4 rules 1. Makes sense on its own 2. Contains a verb 3. Starts with a capital letter 4. Ends with full stop, question mark or exclamation mark

  16. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Shorten this sentence Made from an aluminium alloy, the vehicle is both lightweight and durable, and, thanks to the latest anti-oxidising technology, its anti- rust properties are up to twenty times longer than traditional underwater tracking devices, thereby reducing whole-life costs overall.

  17. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Shorten this sentence Made from an aluminium alloy, the vehicle is both lightweight and durable. Thanks to the latest anti-oxidising technology, its anti-rust properties are up to twenty times longer than traditional underwater tracking devices. This reduces whole-life costs overall.

  18. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk What are active sentences? ● The dog attacked the postman. ● (Subject, verb, object) ● The postman was attacked by the dog. ● (Object, verb, subject)

  19. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk What are active sentences? ● Active focuses on someone doing something ● Passive focuses on something happening ● Active takes responsibility

  20. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Friendlier and easier to understand ● The sessions are organised and staffed by the immunisation team. ● The immunisation team organise and staff the sessions. ● The immunisation team runs the sessions.

  21. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Make these passive sentences active ● The event was attended by over 2,000 visitors. ● Details will be sent within three to five days. ● A decision has been made and the complaint will be withdrawn.

  22. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Make these passive sentences active ● Over 2,000 visitors attended the event. ● You’ll receive details within three to five days. ● We’ll send you details within three to five days. ● We decided to withdraw the complaint.

  23. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Make these active sentences passive ● You haven’t paid your bill. ● Someone has assassinated the president. ● Ambulance drivers rushed food poisoning victims to hospital.

  24. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Make these active sentences passive ● Your bill has not been paid. ● The president has been assassinated. ● Food poisoning victims were rushed to hospital.

  25. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk File\Options\Proofing\Readability statistics – then run Spell/Grammar check

  26. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk http://www.hemingwayapp.com/

  27. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk https://www.grammarly.com/

  28. Clear and concise ● See exercise ● Focus on clarity ● Should be able to reduce most of them by a third

  29. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk The seven stages of copywriting 1. Determine your objective 2. Know your audience 3. Create one clear message 4. Choose the right structure 5. Adopt the right style 6. Write a ‘first’ draft 7. Leave, edit, proofread

  30. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Write a first draft ● How do you do it? ● The first draft of everything is shit ● Don’t get it right; get it written

  31. Give yourself permission to write shit Resist the urge to redo your headline and opening Write as much as you can without stopping

  32. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk The seven stages of copywriting 1. Determine your objective 2. Know your audience 3. Create one clear message 4. Choose the right structure 5. Adopt the right style 6. Write a ‘first’ draft 7. Leave, edit, proofread

  33. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk How to murder your darlings ● Recognise the different stages ● Leave long gaps between each one ● Print draft and move away from desk ● Look at ‘big picture’ first… ● Purpose? Structure? Message? ● Read out loud – listen to the flow ● Focus on detail

  34. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk What do we mean by ‘detail’? ● Sharpen headlines, intros and conclusions (CTAs) ● Shorten long sentences and paragraphs ● Cut the waffle: get to the point ● Get rid of unnecessary adjectives ● Make better use of verbs

  35. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Get to the point Leaks are a big problem for us and our customers. We have 20,000 miles of water pipes across London and the Thames Valley, serving more than 2,000 litres a week of water on average to each of our 9 million customers. That’s 2,600 million litres a day – the equivalent of filling 2,600 Olympic size swimming pools. So, if you see a leak or burst pipe, please contact Thames Water immediately.

  36. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Get to the point Spotted a leak? If you see a leak or burst pipe, let us know straight away so we can fix it.

  37. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Get to the point We wrote to you recently about the Heating Upgrade Programme and said that the gas heating system in your home will be due for replacement as part of this financial year’s planned replacement programme. We’re pleased to tell you that we have arranged for our surveyor to visit your home and carry out an assessment of your gas heating system prior to installation. Like all of our employees, he or she will carry identification. Please ask to see it before…

  38. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Get to the point We’ve arranged for our surveyor to visit your home on Wednesday 28 March 2019 at 9.30am to check requirements before installing your new gas heating system. The inspection should last no longer than an hour.

  39. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Ditch the adjectives – why? Enjoy an exciting family day out at the Maritime Museum. Name University/College/School is a vibrant, innovative and multi-award winning educational establishment. Helen is a hard-working, dedicated and highly-valued member of the team.

  40. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Ditch the adjectives – why? ● Pioneering, innovative, ground-breaking ● Revolutionary, exciting, dynamic ● Iconic, stylish, state-of-the-art ● Leading-edge, cutting-edge ● Excellent, outstanding, brilliant ● Special, exceptional, extraordinary ● Fully-trained, experienced, dedicated ● Well-respected, valued, hard-working

  41. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Make better use of verbs • The database software is fast, intelligent and insightful . • The database software transfers data at 100,000 terabytes per second, auto-deletes duplicate files and predicts potential conflicts of interest based on previous operations. • Verbs tell us what something DOES

  42. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Make better use of verbs We are involved in the improvement of water pipes in your area. We’re improving water pipes in your area. We will be responsible for the removal of rubbish. We’ll remove the rubbish. We are carrying out a demolition of the site next week. We’re demolishing the site next week.

  43. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Ditch the adjectives ● Helen is a hard-working, dedicated and highly-valued member of the team. ● When Helen takes on a project, you know she’ll do it well, on time and within budget. She sees potential problems before they arise, considers alternatives and finds the best ways to solve difficult issues.

  44. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Cut the clichés: say what you mean The induction process has gone from strength to strength. We’ve added two new modules to the training programme. Going forward, we’ll be implementing a revolutionary new customer service initiative. From June, you’ll be able to pay your rent online.

  45. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Cut the clichés: say what you mean We are reaching out to stakeholders and realigning our service offerings. We’re asking students to complete a short survey. We’re inviting residents to take part in workshops. We’re speaking to MPs to find out what they want.

  46. Murder your darlings ● See editing checklist – focus on: ● Headline, intro and conclusion ● Make CTAs clear ● Shorten sentences and paragraphs ● Cut the waffle: get to the point ● Get rid of unnecessary adjectives ● Make better use of verbs

  47. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk What we’ll be doing today ● The seven stages of copywriting ● Common grammar and proofreading queries ● Writing for online platforms ● Working with contributors ● Personal action plans

  48. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Why good writers are bad proofreaders ● http://www.forrest-turner.co.uk/the-the- 5-most-common-proofreading- mistakes/ ● http://www.forrest- turner.co.uk/proofreading-and-editing/

  49. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk What are your proofreading tips? ● Print out (if you can) ● Read away from desk ● 20 minute sessions ● Read backwards ● Be convinced there are mistakes there ● Look for different things on each reading

  50. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk What should you be looking for? ● Typos ● Poor grammar/syntax ● Wrong/missing punctuation ● Capital letters on common nouns ● Missing or extra letters/words ● Abbreviations without explanation ● Homophones ● INCONSISTENCY

  51. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Common grammar problems ● Commas ● Apostrophes ● Pronouns ● Yours?

  52. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Commas with clauses ● If they don’t return the money will be given to charity. ● If they don’t return, the money will be given to charity. ● The money will be given to charity if they don’t return. ● Main clause and subordinate clause ● Unless you have a lot of money, steer clear of Knightsbridge. ● Steer clear of Knightsbridge unless you have a lot of money.

  53. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Commas with ‘which’ and ‘that’ ● The house, which has a white fence around it, is up for sale. ● The house that has a white fence around it is up for sale. ● The committee, which meets on the first Tuesday of the month, has voted against the motion. ● The committee that meets on the first Tuesday of the month has voted against the motion.

  54. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Commas with lists ● Please send me the latest press release, press cuttings, status report and proposed agenda. ● St Mary’s is proud of its strong student community, highest standards in teaching and wide range of popular courses. ● We’re advertising in Tatler, Vogue, and Hare and Hounds.

  55. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Commas with lists ● Please send me the latest press release, press cuttings, status report, and proposed agenda. ● I dedicate this book to my parents, Martin Amis, and JK Rowling. ● I dedicate this book to my parents, Martin Amis and JK Rowling.

  56. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Commas as brackets ● I thought, mistakenly as it turns out, he’d finished the report. ● He was presented with the award by Terry Waite, humanitarian hostage negotiator at the annual Business Excellence Awards. ● He was presented with the award by Terry Waite, humanitarian hostage negotiator, at the annual Business Excellence Awards.

  57. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Correct use of the apostrophe ● Possession (belonging to): ● David’s car, David’s girlfriends ● The boys’ dormitory, the pupils’ desks ● Contraction (missing letters): ● Don’t do that, can’t be bothered, it’s okay

  58. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Apostrophe problems ● Added when not needed ● The car landed on it’s side in the ditch. ● The car landed on its side in the ditch. ● Delicious pizza’s and pasta ● Delicious pizzas and pasta

  59. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Apostrophe problems ● Put in the wrong place ● Childrens ’ toys, womens ’ clothing ● Children’s toys, women’s clothing ● St James’ Park football ground, St James’s Park, Sainsbury’s, Harrods

  60. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Apostrophe problems ● Missed out or put in wrong place ● Helen’s and Tom’s party ● Helen and Tom’s party ● One weeks holiday ● One week’s holiday ● Dicks out for an hour ● Dick’s out for an hour

  61. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Pronoun problems ● Thank you for inviting Clare and I to the meeting. ● Thank you for inviting Clare and me to the meeting. ● James, Clare and me were the first to volunteer. ● James, Clare and I were the first to volunteer.

  62. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Pronoun problems ● The work is being divided between you and I. ● The work is being divided between you and me. ● Subject – I love you ● Object – You love me

  63. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk Pronoun problems ● Please contact myself on the number below. ● Please contact me on the number below. ● We’ve been advised to write to yourselves regarding the incident on… ● We’ve been advised to write to you regarding the incident on… ● I’m going to have to do it myself. ● You only have yourselves to blame.

  64. governmentevents.co.uk | 0330 0584 285 | info@governmentevents.co.uk What we’ll be doing today ● The seven stages of copywriting ● Common grammar and proofreading queries ● Writing for online platforms ● Working with contributors ● Personal action plans

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