Reve velle Col ollege Pa Parent Or Orientat ation on Letting - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Reve velle Col

• llege

Pa Parent Or Orientat ation

• n

“Letting Go While Holding On”

Elise se Curry, , Psy sy.D .D. Sarah Clavell Stor

• rer, Ph.D.

Pariss ssa Ni Nili, , Psy sy.D .D. Cou

• unse

seling g and Psy sychol

• log
• gical Services

(a.k.a. “CAPS”)

Ob Obje jecti tive ves

 Introdu

duce CAPS an and d what w we do do.

 Discuss w

what t to e expe pect w when your c child d starts c college.

 Share ways that yo

you c can h help y p your c child d in this e exciting bu but a also s stressfu ful t time.

 Find

d out ab about r resources es av avai ailab able to yo you as as college pa parents.

CAP APS S – who

• we a

are

 29 li

licensed p d psychologists

 6 p

post-do doctoral al resid idents

 2 li

licensed d ps psyc ychia iatris ists

 3 li

licensed d socia ial l workers

 Psychologists at e

each c college

 Stude

dents can an se see an anyo yone on st staf aff

CAPS.UCSD.EDU

• Students can see

anyone on staff

• Generalists/

University Mental Health

• Specialties can be

found on CAPS website

CAP APS: Wh What t We e Do

 Brief individual & couples counseling  Brief Telephone Assessment  Psychiatric s

services

 Re

Referrals f s for longe ger-te term p m psy sychoth therapy

 Counseling groups, educational workshops,

informal drop-in forums

 Consultation - to staff, f

faculty, residential life, student organizations

 Wellness Peer Educator Program  Urgent c

care

Our se services s are free to

• regi

gist stered st students! s!!!

A A Sa Sampl plin ing g of

• f Ou

Our G Grou

• ups

ps

 Daily Drop-In Groups  Building Social

al Confidence

 Mindfulness for Daily Living  Coming out G

Group

 Gay Men’s Relationship Forum  Asian American Community Forum  Desi Forum  “Who’s First?” First Generation College Student Forum  Black Women’s Collective  Anger & C

Conflict Management W Workshop

 Graduate Women i

in S Science

Re Reaso sons s Wh Why Stu tudents ts Com

• me To

To CAP APS

• Stress and A

Anxiety

• Relationship Problems
• Depress

ssion

• Academic Concerns
• Perso

sonal Tr Trauma (Ab Abuse se, , As Assa sault, , etc.) .)

• Alcohol/Drug Related Problems
• Learning Problems
• Identity/Diversity Issues
• Sleep

Con

• nfi

fide denti tial alit ity

 Unless a s

student s signs a r release o

• f

f info format ation, sp specifi fic detai ails s can annot be s shared w with their p parents.

 In k

keeping with ethical s standards o

• f

f mental health p profe fessionals & & the l law, a all s services are confi fidential al.

 Pa

Parents a are st still fr free t to c call & & c consult with C CAP APS S regarding h how to b best h help their ch child.

Ho How to to con

• nta

tact t us

 Office h

hours: s: 8:00am - 4:3 :30pm, M , Mon

• nday - Fr

Friday. .

 Call (858) 534-3755, or

• r st

stop

• p by at ou
• ur Central of
• ffice

(Ga Galbraith Hall 190).

 caps.ucsd.edu  Ap

Appointments s available within two weeks ks of initial

• request. At peak demand t

times - wait may be l lon

• nge

ger.

 A psychologist on duty for emergency w

walk-ins. s.

 After-hou

• urs

s cou

• unse

selor

• r available by phon
• ne.

Co Comm mmon n Ch Chal allenges fo for r St Stud udents

Com

• mmon
• n Chall

llenge ges s for

• r Stu

tudents ts

 Developing increased a

autonomy & & self f reliance.

 Est

stab ablish shing g identity i y in a a n new envi vironment. Leaving b behind w well-known people, places, pets, r routines. Being away f from h home d during important events ( (birthdays, h holidays, moments o

• f

f success, illness). ).

Co Common

• n Ch

Chall llenge ges s fo for St Stude dents ts

 Stude

dents are u used d to be being a at t the t top p of f their c class. BUT BUT More c compe petition  Gr Grad ades d drop. p.

 Negotiating parents’ expectations:

 choi

• ice of
• f major
• r

 gr

grades

 balancing

g sc schoo

• ol &

& fun

Com

• mmon
• n Chall

llenge ges s for

• r Stu

tudents ts

 Re

Re-negotia tiatin ing norms as as stude dents go b bac ack- and-fo forth fr from h home to c coll llege.

 Becomin

ing a a pa part of f the uniq ique c cult lture of f the Univ iversit ity / / C Coll llege. Buil ildi ding a a n new so socia ial l network wit ith r roommates, pe , peers, , romantic ic pa partners & & a adu dult lts. . Negotia iatin ing n new c communal l norms in in t the re resid identia ial h l hall lls.

Com

• mmon
• n Chall

llenge ges s for

• r Stu

tudents ts

 Fa

Falling g in l lov

• ve (perhaps

s ou

• ut-of
• f-lov
• ve)

for

• r the f

first st time/ Com

• ming

g ou

• ut/

Id Identity

 Coping with new personal “ceilings”,

frust stration

• ns,

s, disa sappoi

• intments.

s.

 Jugg

ggling g multiple demands w s with less ss st structured time.

Co Comm mmon n ch chal alle lenges s for for par parents, s, ext extended d fam famil ily y and and

• t
• the

her r sup suppo porters

Common chall llenge ges s fo for parents ts & oth ther su supp ppor

• rte

ters

 Shifting from

par arent-chi hild to par arent t – young adult relationship.

 Mixed

feelings: excite tement, hap appiness, re relief, sad adness, loss, , fear ar.

Common chall llenge ges s fo for parents ts & oth ther su supp ppor

• rte

ters

 Feeli

ling le less-neede ded d on a a da day-to to-day day ba basis is & l less p priv ivy y to s some as aspe pects o

• f

f your child’s life.

 Tr

Trusting that yo you h have ad adequately prepar ared yo your c child t to f function a as s a a successfu ful y young a adult.

Common chall llenge ges s fo for parents ts & oth ther su supp ppor

• rte

ters

 Being s

supp pportive o

• f

f de decisions t that s stude dents mak ake f for t themselve ves.

 Avoidi

ding s sendi ding m messages t that s set u up p a confl flict o

• f

f loya yalties w within t the st stude dent.

 Allowing y

your s stude dent room t to m make m mistakes.

Common chall llenge ges s fo for parents ts & oth ther su supp ppor

• rte

ters

 Staying c

connected ed de despi pite n not h having a as much contac act as as y you a are u used t d to.

 Mai

aintai aining pa patience, fl flexibi bility y an and d humor with t this (s (sometimes) d ) diff fficult pr process.

Ho How w Ca Can n Par aren ents s He Help? lp?

Ho How Can an P Par arents ts He Help lp

 Be

Be available for

• r on
• ngo

going g su suppor

• rt – prov
• vide a se

secure emot

• tion
• nal base

se.

 Maintain regu

gular con

• ntact via phon
• ne, text

xt, email, care packa kage ges, s, letters s and p pix x of

• f sp

special events. s.

 List

sten first st and then gi give advice. …..even if there is lack of reciprocity at times, it doe

• es

s not

• t mean you
• ur com
• mmunication
• n is

s unimpor

• rtant!

Ho How Par arents ts Can an H Help lp

 Remember – you don’t need to meet all of

your son or daughter’s needs: allowing them t to

• be a reso

sourceful and creative prob

• blem-so

solver will fos

• ster their develop
• pment

as s a capable you

• ung

g adult.

 St

Students s will usu sually be le less ss like kely to

• con
• nfide in

in parents s abou

• ut difficulties i

s if parents s react with ov

• vert

“worrying”..

Ho How Can an P Par arents ts He Help lp

 Encourage

ge your st student to ge get connected w with the campus community – st student gr grou

• ups,

s, campus s activities, faculty and s staff – may all se serve as s reso sources. s. Support your student’s right to make independent decisi sion

• ns

s by fol

• llow
• wing

g their lead. Encou

• urage

ge them t to

• trust

st themse selves: s: Perhaps s not

• t to
• always

s make ke the p perfect decisi sion

• n, but a

at least st to

• recov
• ver and l

learn from

• m mist

stake kes. s.

Ho How Can an P Par arents ts He Help lp

 Take care of yourself and e

enjoy the liberties this change ge allows.

• s. Consi

sider your own interest sts s that may have been n neglected due t to parenting demands.

 Everyon

• ne doe
• es

s not

• t develop
• p &

& mature at the sa same rate. Som

• me st

students s need addition

• nal time or
• r su

suppor

• rt to
• adjust

st to

• universi

sity life w while ot

• thers

s have little difficulty adjust sting. g.

Re Reso sources s fo for Par arents ts

Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger iGen by Jean M. Twenge You're On Your Own (But I'm Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years by Marjorie Savage Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years by Helen E. Johnson and Christine Schelhas-Miller

Re Reso sources s fo for Par arents ts

Co Counseli ling & P Psyc ycholo logic ical al Servi vices: http: p://cap aps.u .ucsd. d.edu du 858 858-534 34-37 3755 55

Enjoy the Journey before it’s over!