Reve velle Col ollege Pa Parent Or Orientat ation on “Letting Go While Holding On” Elise se Curry, , Psy sy.D .D. Sarah Clavell Stor orer, Ph.D. Pariss ssa Ni Nili, , Psy sy.D .D. Cou ounse seling g and Psy sychol olog ogical Services (a.k.a. “CAPS”)
Ob Obje jecti tive ves Introdu duce CAPS an and d what w we do do. Discuss w what t to e expe pect w when your c child d starts c college. Share ways that yo you c can h help y p your c child d in this e exciting bu but a also s stressfu ful t time. Find d out ab about r resources es av avai ailab able to yo you as as college pa parents.
CAP APS S – who o we a are 29 li licensed p d psychologists 6 p post-do doctoral al resid idents 2 li licensed d ps psyc ychia iatris ists 3 li licensed d socia ial l workers Psychologists at e each c college Stude dents can an se see an anyo yone on st staf aff
CAPS.UCSD.EDU • Students can see anyone on staff • Generalists/ University Mental Health • Specialties can be found on CAPS website
CAP APS: Wh What t We e Do Brief individual & couples counseling Brief Telephone Assessment Psychiatric s services Re Referrals f s for longe ger-te term p m psy sychoth therapy Counseling groups, educational workshops, informal drop-in forums Consultation - to staff, f faculty, residential life, student organizations Wellness Peer Educator Program Urgent c care Our se services s are free to o regi gist stered st students! s!!!
A A Sa Sampl plin ing g of of Ou Our G Grou oups ps Daily Drop-In Groups Building Social al Confidence Mindfulness for Daily Living Coming out G Group Gay Men’s Relationship Forum Asian American Community Forum Desi Forum “Who’s First?” First Generation College Student Forum Black Women’s Collective Anger & C Conflict Management W Workshop Graduate Women i in S Science
Re Reaso sons s Wh Why Stu tudents ts Com ome To To CAP APS • Stress and A Anxiety • Relationship Problems • Depress ssion • Academic Concerns • Perso sonal Tr Trauma (Ab Abuse se, , As Assa sault, , etc.) .) • Alcohol/Drug Related Problems • Learning Problems • Identity/Diversity Issues • Sleep
Con onfi fide denti tial alit ity In k keeping with ethical s standards o of f mental health p profe fessionals & & the l law, a all s services are confi fidential al. Unless a s student s signs a r release o of f info format ation, sp specifi fic detai ails s can annot be s shared w with their p parents. Pa Parents a are st still fr free t to c call & & c consult with C CAP APS S regarding h how to b best h help their ch child.
Ho How to to con onta tact t us Office h hours: s: 8:00am - 4:3 :30pm, M , Mon onday - Fr Friday. . Call (858) 534-3755, or or st stop op by at ou our Central of office (Ga Galbraith Hall 190). caps.ucsd.edu Ap Appointments s available within two weeks ks of initial request. At peak demand t times - wait may be l lon onge ger. A psychologist on duty for emergency w walk-ins. s. After-hou ours s cou ounse selor or available by phon one.
Co Comm mmon n Ch Chal allenges fo for r St Stud udents
Com ommon on Chall llenge ges s for or Stu tudents ts Developing increased a autonomy & & self f reliance. Est stab ablish shing g identity i y in a a n new envi vironment. Leaving b behind w well-known people, places, pets, r routines. Being away f from h home d during important events ( (birthdays, h holidays, moments o of f success, illness). ).
Co Common on Ch Chall llenge ges s fo for St Stude dents ts Stude dents are u used d to be being a at t the t top p of f their c class. BUT BUT petition Gr More c compe Grad ades d drop. p. Negotiating parents’ expectations: choi oice of of major or gr grades balancing g sc schoo ool & & fun
Com ommon on Chall llenge ges s for or Stu tudents ts Buil ildi ding a a n new so socia ial l network wit ith r roommates, pe , peers, , romantic ic pa partners & & a adu dult lts. . Negotia iatin ing n new c communal l norms in in t the re resid identia ial h l hall lls. Re Re-negotia tiatin ing norms as as stude dents go b bac ack- and-fo forth fr from h home to c coll llege. Becomin ing a a pa part of f the uniq ique c cult lture of f the Univ iversit ity / / C Coll llege.
Com ommon on Chall llenge ges s for or Stu tudents ts Fa Falling g in l lov ove (perhaps s ou out-of of-lov ove) for or the f first st time/ Com oming g ou out/ Id Identity Coping with new personal “ceilings”, frust stration ons, s, disa sappoi ointments. s. Jugg ggling g multiple demands w s with less ss st structured time.
Co Comm mmon n ch chal alle lenges s for for par parents, s, ext extended d fam famil ily y and and ot othe her r sup suppo porters
Common chall llenge ges s fo for parents ts & oth ther su supp ppor orte ters Mixed Shifting from feelings: par arent-chi hild excite tement, to par arent t – hap appiness, young adult re relief, relationship. sad adness, loss, , fear ar.
Common chall llenge ges s fo for parents ts & oth ther su supp ppor orte ters Feeli ling le less-neede ded d on a a da day-to to-day day ba basis is & l less p priv ivy y to s some as aspe pects o of f your child’s life. Tr Trusting that yo you h have ad adequately prepar ared yo your c child t to f function a as s a a successfu ful y young a adult.
Common chall llenge ges s fo for parents ts & oth ther su supp ppor orte ters Being s supp pportive o of f de decisions t that s stude dents mak ake f for t themselve ves. Avoidi ding s sendi ding m messages t that s set u up p a confl flict o of f loya yalties w within t the st stude dent. Allowing y your s stude dent room t to m make m mistakes.
Common chall llenge ges s fo for parents ts & oth ther su supp ppor orte ters Staying c connected ed de despi pite n not h having a as much contac act as as y you a are u used t d to. Mai aintai aining pa patience, fl flexibi bility y an and d humor with t this (s (sometimes) d ) diff fficult pr process.
Ho How w Ca Can n Par aren ents s He Help? lp?
Ho How Can an P Par arents ts He Help lp Be Be available for or on ongo going g su suppor ort – prov ovide a se secure emot otion onal base se. Maintain regu gular con ontact via phon one, text xt, email, care packa kage ges, s, letters s and p pix x of of sp special events. s. …..even if there is lack of reciprocity at times, it doe oes s not ot mean you our com ommunication on is s unimpor ortant! List sten first st and then gi give advice.
Ho How Par arents ts Can an H Help lp St Students s will usu sually be le less ss like kely to o con onfide in in parents s abou out difficulties i s if parents s react with ov overt “worrying”.. Remember – you don’t need to meet all of your son or daughter’s needs: allowing them t to o be a reso sourceful and creative prob oblem-so solver will fos oster their develop opment as s a capable you oung g adult.
Ho How Can an P Par arents ts He Help lp Encourage ge your st student to ge get connected w with the campus community – st student gr grou oups, s, campus s activities, faculty and s staff – may all se serve as s reso sources. s. Support your student’s right to make independent decisi sion ons s by fol ollow owing g their lead. Encou ourage ge them t to o trust st themse selves: s: Perhaps s not ot to o always s make ke the p perfect decisi sion on, but a at least st to o recov over and l learn from om mist stake kes. s.
How Can Ho an P Par arents ts He Help lp Everyon one doe oes s not ot develop op & & mature at the sa same rate. Som ome st students s need addition onal time or or su suppor ort to o adjust st to o universi sity life w while ot others s have little difficulty adjust sting. g. Take care of yourself and e enjoy the liberties this change ge allows. s. Consi sider your own interest sts s that may have been n neglected due t to parenting demands.
Re Reso sources s fo for Par arents ts Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger iGen by Jean M. Twenge You're On Your Own (But I'm Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years by Marjorie Savage Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years by Helen E. Johnson and Christine Schelhas-Miller
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