SLIDE 9 We should try to consistently ‘speak’ our child’s primary love language and then sprinkle in other actions from the other 4 languages as well for good measure. Although children and young teens may find it hard to articulate their love language, it can usually be perceived in the way they show love to others for this is what they are longing for themselves.
Tonight’s Takeaway: What is your child’s love language?
Love Language Description Actions Be careful Words of Affirmation Encouraging, praising, cheering on your child builds them up in ways that very little else
- can. If there is something our children need a
generous helping of, it is words of
- affirmation. It sets the tone/direction for the
rest of their lives. Leave notes/cards on bathroom mirrors and
- compliment. Always say I love you. Praise
them aloud around others. Come up with a cheer/song with their name in it. Be specific in your praise. Always use kind words. If the only time you speak to your kids as they grow older is to blame, rebuke, and criticize them, you'll eventually lose their heart and future friendship Quality Time Children are delighted and have a high level
- f self-esteem, when they receive undivided
attention and time from their parents or share with them in quality activities the child enjoys. Make eye contact. Ask about their day, Pay attention to details. Plan special events and
- trips. Eat together as a family. Remember
special days! The parent who will not get away from the newspaper, phone, TV or computer is communicating to her child that these other things compete equally for your precious time. As a result the child does not develop a proper something self-worth and will eventually withdraw Receiving Gifts Gifts do not have to be expensive. The child feels special just because you care to give them something. Keep a small stash of inexpensive gifts. Leave gifts for them when you’re out of town or still at work. Shop with them for a special
- gift. Send them on a gift treasure hunt. Give
gifts on special occasions and also on not so special occasions. If the child's language is not in receiving gifts, no amount
- f gifts will compensate for poor quality time or
whatever their language may be. It may satisfy your guilt, but certainly not satisfy them. Acts of Service These children appreciate the parents who willingly and lovingly do things for them. Practice sports together. Work together on a
- project. Check homework. Pick them up on
- time. Surprise them by doing a chore for
- them. Teach them how to serve others with
acts of kindness. Most parents are dutiful in their tasks in helping their children, but when the child senses a burden in the parent’s acts of service, it makes them feel unworthy, and even guilty for any service done for them. Physical Touch It is an established fact that babies and young children thrive with hugs and kisses but even the teenager who may appear to be aloof in the presence of his peers, will want to be assured that the warmth and hugs are always there for him. Hold hands. Hug often (studies show people need 7 hugs a day!). Use bean bag chairs and tight spaces/swaddle. Have family cuddles, Sing action songs. Have tickle fun. Read stories together on the couch or your lap. A parent who may not have received a lot of warmth or hugs may not know how to effectively communicate in that love language. As a result the child grows up with poor self-esteem, and seeks to prematurely fulfill the desire for physical touch from other sources.
