LETTER WRITING David Nylund "Conversation is, by its very - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

LETTER WRITING

David Nylund

"Conversation is, by its very nature, ephemeral. After a particularly meaningful session, a client walks away aglow with provocative new thought, but a few blocks away, the exact words that had struck home as so profound may already be hard to recall. But the words in a letter don’t fade and disappear the way conversation does; they

Dear David: I feel like writing a letter about letter writing. I have a story for you about a letter and how powerful they can be. This took place 35 years ago when my Uncle was 18. He is a brilliant, sensitive man that has suffered from periods of mental illness throughout his life. Even as a small boy he displayed a tendency towards suicide. This particular time he called his mother (my grandmother) and told her of his intentions to kill himself. She, in her simple, wise way told him, “Michael, before you do anything send yourself a letter. Put it all down in words put it in an envelope and mail it. When it gets to you see if you still feel the same way.” By the time he received his letter to himself he no longer felt the urge to take his

• life. The crisis had passed.

Your letters summarizing our sessions are vignettes of hope to me. Little glimpses of my progress into the hard work and struggle to free myself from the grip of anorexia. I carry my letters around with me wherever I go. This way I can hold my hope. Yours in Outwitting the Perplexing of Anorexia, Nanette

THE ECONOMICS OF NARRATIVE

NYLUND AND THOMAS 1994 FAMILY THERAPY NETWORKER

• 40 surveys
• 37 participants indicated that the letters were "very

helpful" The remaining three considered them "helpful"

• The average worth of a letter was 3.2 face-to-face

interviews, with the highest single rating as 10 and the lowest as .25.

• As a group, 52.8 percent of the gains made in therapy

were due to the letters alone. The average length of therapy was 4.5 sessions.

TYPES OF LETTERS

• Narrative letters
• Brief letters
• Letters of invitation
• Prediction letters
• Counter-referral letters
• Letter writing campaigns
• Letter from the Problem
• Letter to the relationship
• Counter-Documents (Circulation

documents)

LETTERS AS NARRATIVE

• Chronicles the work/journey/plot over time
• Summarizes the session
• Invites and engages the client into relational externalizing

conversations

• Highlights unique outcome moments
• Thickens the counter-plot
• Ask questions that come after the session
• Post-session reflection
• Highlights client’s quotes that depict the new story
• Where the client speaks about skills, knowledges,

competencies, hopes, etc.

Dear John, You shared how Anxiety has influenced your life; it has a long history. Anxiety had many allies, kids who teased you a lot, transphobia, and a culture that ostracizes difference. These allies recruited you into a negative story about yourself. Yet in spite of the power of Anxiety and its friends, you never completely surrendered to it. In looking back, can you remember moments of you standing up for yourself? I asked you who most appreciated you as a young person. You movingly shared about your physics teacher, Mr. Jones and what he admired about you. When I asked you, “What did Mr. Jones see in you that the kids who teased you didn’t notice?” you replied, “He saw that I was kind… he told me how he admired my intelligence…and he liked that I didn’t follow the norm…that I was my own person…” What might happen if you kept your teacher’s version of you close to you? How might it help to undermine the power of Anxiety? Anxiety definitely took a back seat when you found the bravery to approach and meet your girlfriend in San Francisco. I and the team were struck/enjoyed the story of how you met your

• girlfriend. I asked you about what she loves about you…you pondered saying that how you

haven’t been asked that question before. Have you given that question more thought? How might thinking more about this question help you to further embrace a modest bravery? Yours against Anxiety, David

Dear John and Mom, Thanks for our talk the other day. I got a sense that fear took a back seat to our conversation. Do you agree Mom? John, I really like how you, your mom, and I came up with the Rules of Fear: Fear grows the more you don’t confront it; Fear can lurk around the corner; It grows smaller by taking small steps. John you said that Fear has you “growing down” and tricks you into thinking you are not “brave.” You agree, Mom. The Fear keeps John from remembering times in his life when he showed his bravery. This includes the time when John, in spite of fear, was the lead in the Christmas play. Also, there has been a few nights where Fear was not so strong. Mom, you also said the fear even tricks you into mother-blaming; that somehow you are failing as a mom thinking you are not on John’s support team. At times, Fear teams up with frustration and worry. You both say it is not fair that Fear is doing this to the both of you. We were thinking about what can help you to find your bravery. Your mom brought up Popeye and how he got stronger after eating spinach. BTW, Mom have you shown John an episode of Popeye yet?Yes, I know you don’t like

• spinach. But you’re in luck because your Mom is Greek! And she makes a great Spinach Pie (Spanakopita). And just

your luck—you love Spinach Pie! Mom you agreed to make Spanakopita and John will eat a slice around bed time. Then his Popeye will come out to fight Fear! I can’t wait to find out how it went!!! Mom, could you bring me a piece of the spinach pie to our next meeting? I love it too; you see, my Dad grew up near Greektown Detroit and he introduced Spinach Pie to me when I was kid. I think if I eat some, the team of us three-the Spanakopita Fear Busting Trio-can tackle any Fear. Yours against Fear David the Sailor Man.

LETTERS OF INVITATION

• Given narrative therapy is relational it is

desirable to involve others in the work.

• There are often times when a family

member or friend’s presence could be of benefit.

• These letters are sent to encourage a person
• r people to attend a session.

Michael, I planning to meet up with your Mom in a few weeks and she and I would like it if you came to the meeting….I feel really badly talking behind your back with your mother. I have been thinking about this dilemma a bit and have come up with some ideas. I wonder what you think of them?:

1.

If you decide that you can’t come, could you get a friend to represent you at the meeting; a bit like a lawyer who will come in your place and speak for you?

2.

If that’s not a good idea, what about letting your mom choose a friend of hers to represent you?

3.

If that’s not a good idea, what about you going on standby at a phone while your mother is here meeting with me? Then I can call you if I get the impression that your mother has forgotten what it’s like to be your

• age. I can ask for a few ideas about how it feels for you.

Michael, I meet up with your mother on January 5th. I suppose you might come or you might or might not try one

• f the above ideas. It’s up to you I guess. Well, bye for

Dear loved ones of Terry, My name is Heather Woodford, and I am a social worker at the Gender Health Center, a counseling center here in Sacramento. Terry and I have been working together off and on since 2013. During the time that I have known Terry, he has made several accomplishments which he has deemed significant or very significant. These include:

• Gaining and maintaining his sobriety for several months
• Handling legal matters
• Pursuing his path to legal residence here in the US
• Discovering and developing healthy habits, such as meditation, walking, and yoga
• Spending time with family and friends who support him
• Visiting the doctor to take care of his physical health in a proactive way
• And much more!

In order to accomplish these monumental tasks, Terry has had to face a great adversary, Fear, on multiple occasions. One might even say (and Terry himself has said) that this part of his life has been an important time of change. When asked how Terry has celebrated or appreciated these recent changes in his life, Terry shared that it has been difficult to do

• so. Fear is a mighty enemy, and in seeing that it has been strongly challenged, Fear has recruited its friend Self Pity to stand in

the way of Terry being able to adequately appreciate the importance of these accomplishments! Fear and its friends are very sneaky and have many tactics for trying to thwart Terry. However, I am convinced that Fear does not know who it is messing with! When I asked Terry if it is fair that Fear/Self Pity are getting in the way of celebrating his recent successes, Terry told me NO! It is NOT okay! And so it is with great delight and pride that I invite you to A Celebration of Terry! To be held: Tuesday (date) at (time) What to expect: Discussion of Terry's recent accomplishments, and the related history of his previous accomplishments, predictions for future ways he will continue to stand up to Fear and live a life more in line with his values of Honesty, Love, Family, and Friendship. Light snacks will be provided. We hope you can make it, as your presence will be appreciated! Please RSVP to Heather Kindly, Heather

LETTERS OF PREDICTION

• Therapist writes a new narrative

which encompasses the preferences and hopes of the client.

• The premise is that the client will

believe the story and the belief in the new story will result in the prophesy coming true.

• Essentially the therapist writes what

will happen.

DON’T OPEN TILL DECEMBER 25th!!!!!!! Hi Steve, Growing up has been hard huh? You can’t blame others (especially your mom) for your problems anymore. And there are more responsibilities which can kind of suck! So that it was made your move towards growing up even that much more

• remarkable. I remember the turning point though. Do you recall? Was it when your mom asked you to clean your room

and you went ahead and did it without arguing or complaining? Or was it when you did your homework without your mom having to remind you? Now that you are becoming a teenager, there are advantages however, eh?-more freedoms for sure. Do you like it so far? What’s it like for your mom to stop commenting on your homework and other things and just turn it over to you trusting that you will complete on your own (or you won’t complete it)? That she has actually come to trust that you can make the right decision for yourself (and almost always your “growing up” decision was/is the same as to what your mom wants for you!). What’s it like to no longer bicker with your mom? What’s it like for you to be the supervisor of your own life rather than your mom supervising your life for you? Are you impressed more with yourself or more with your mom in the two of you breaking the “never ending teenager/mom bickering pattern”? What is it about your recent mother-son relationship that had led it to be so bicker-free? BTW, I was blown away when you actually complimented your mom and several occasions throughout early 2011 even asking her how her day was. And you definitely shocked your mom when you planned and threw your mom a mother appreciation party!!! Happy Holidays!, David

COUNTER-REFERRAL LETTERS

• The new narrative is sent to the

person who referred the family to the therapist.

• This is a way of spreading the

new narrative and offering a follow up to a potentially concerned person. (letter to a teacher, for example)

Dear most excellent teachers of Aaron: Aaron realizes that he has a reputation with his teachers that includes words like: Attitude problems Disturbing Disruptive Oppositional Troublemaker Rude Aaron now realizes that this reputation is ripping him off. HE WANTS TO CHANGE IT!!! He wants to change it to: BEING AN UPSTANDER WORKING BETTER STAYING OUT TROUBLE Aaron is going to try to change his reputation with you. He does not ask for special treatment but he does ask that you (please): NOTICE HIS EFFORTS TO CHANGE HIS REPUTATION. If you notice his efforts to change his reputation, could

LETTER WRITING CAMPAIGNS

• Co-write a letter with the client to selected members of the

family and friends

• Ask them to assist in a temporal re-remembering and

witnessing process through lettered written accounts

• utlining their:
• a) memories of their relationship with the client,
• b) their current hopes for the client, and
• c) how they anticipate their relationship growing with the

client in the future.

• These written accounts are directed at countering the

problems’ strategies and negative professional stories.

• They are always diametrically different to what had been

written in the client file.

• They re-present a counter file

Dear Friends of Susan: Hello, my name is Jane, and I am a medical social worker who is working alongside Susan in her ba=le to escape isola@on. As you may already know, isola@on has been bullying Susan for the last year or so. What you may not know about isola@on is that it tells her that “no one cares enough to come see her” or that “everyone is trying to act as if she is already dead, when she isn’t.” Did you also know that isola@on bullies Susan into thinking that “she hasn’t made a difference in other people’s lives” and that she wants to fight back because she believes she can s@ll “help the people she cares about?” Isola@on has waged its best efforts to remove any sense of hope that Susan has during this trying period of the end of her life. Susan wants to prove isola@on wrong by campaigning against its bullying nature and throw a birthday party in September to celebrate her twenty-two years of life. You are invited to the partyJ

• J. She is

asking that her family and friends write her a le=er of support to bring to the party. This le=er may counteract isola@on’s claims against her and possibly read these le=ers out loud at her birthday party in effort to fight

• back. Is it possible for you to write Susan a note that outlines a story of (a) a posi@ve memory with her, (b) who

you think she really is as a person that lives outside of Cys@c Fybrosis (CF) and isola@ons’ descrip@on of her, (c) what you have learned from Susan that has posi@vely influenced your life, (d) if you have any ques@ons for her that she could help answer or feelings that you have been hesitant to share because of her terminal prognosis. Susan insists that you “tell her the truth with no fear of how it will make her feel.” Susan understands if life circumstances make it infeasible for you to come to her birthday celebra@on but wants to emphasize that she would like to see you soon as her condi@on is declining rapidly and it may be the last @me for her to give each of you a hug. Each of you has a unique rela@onship with Susan that gives her strength when isola@on and CF tear her down. If you cannot a=end the celebra@on in person Susan and I would very much appreciate that you send her that le=er. You can send it to the address below. We want to thank you in advance and let you know that Susan intends to return all correspondence with her return le=er

• f acknowledgment.

Yours in An@-Isola@on, Susan and Jane [Address of Jane, the hospice agency]

LETTER FROM THE PROBLEM

• Letter written from the vantage point of

the problem

• Exposes the problem’s tactics, goals, and

allies

• Leaks the problem’s worry that it is losing

its grip over the client

• Tells the client what the problem’s counter-

tactics will to try to get the client back in its command

EMAIL FROM THE PROBLEM

• Hi Jane,
• So, you’ve been working with David Nylund to

undermine me huh? I understand that you are going to ask for a separation from me?

• I know you’re quite familiar with my strategies of

convincing you into the idea that you can’t live “without a man”. And you know how my close friend, Guilt, has been very effective?

• But I admit it, just a bit….I am getting worried.
• fear@yahoo.com

LETTER TO THE RELATIONSHIP

Dear Benz and Richard’s Relationship; As you know I have met with Benz and Richard for two therapy sessions over the last two weeks. They talked about you quite a bit. In fact they took me through the history of building you up, their dreams of the kind of relationship they desired to build, and the values and ethics they wished to build you the relationship on. They also let me know how they feel – through the course of the relationship - they’ve let you down. And Richard specifically has talked about his ‘shame’ and ‘remorse’ regarding his contacting escorts. As Benz and Richard’s relationship therapist, I am writing to ask if you would write Benz and Richard a letter from your point of view. Perhaps you could give them your version of what you as their the relationship has experienced through the course of their relational time creating you, what your relational needs and desires are presently, perhaps share a bit

COUNTER DOCUMENTS

• Documents that signify the

successful completion of a goal.

• Rite of passage
• Definitional ceremony
• Circulate new story
• They are a visual reminder of

success.

• Diplomas/Certificates
• Press Releases