I am proud of you! Practical solution focused communication tools - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

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I am proud of you! Practical solution focused communication tools - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Mar 25, 2024 36 likes •772 views

I am proud of you! Practical solution focused communication tools for parents, teachers and others who raise children The Five Sessions: 1. Praising children 2. Influencing children 3. Pulling in the same direction with the other adults involved

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I am proud of you!

Practical solution‐focused communication tools for parents, teachers and others who raise children

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The Five Sessions:

  • 1. Praising children
  • 2. Influencing children
  • 3. Pulling in the same direction

with the other adults involved in raising the same child

  • 4. Helping children overcome problems

and difficulties

  • 5. Responding to wrongdoings and

transgressions

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First Session Praising children

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Introduction

  • What is your name?
  • How many children do you have?
  • What are their names and ages?
  • What are you good at as a parent?

– What would your children say? – What would your partner say?

  • What would you want to become better at

as a parent?

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The Triple ‐ triple praise

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The Triple ‐ triple praise

  • Ask around
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The Triple ‐ triple praise

  • Ask around
  • Report a success

Report a success

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The Triple ‐ triple praise

  • Ask around
  • Report a success

Report a success

  • Others respond with a Triple
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The Triple ‐ triple praise

  • Ask around
  • Report a success

Report a success

  • Others respond with a Triple

1. Exclamation of wonder

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The Triple ‐ triple praise

  • Ask around
  • Report a success

Report a success

  • Others respond with a Triple

1. Exclamation of wonder 2. Declaration of difficulty

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The Triple ‐ triple praise

  • Ask around
  • Report a success

Report a success

  • Others respond with a Triple

1. Exclamation of wonder 2. Declaration of difficulty 3. Request for an explanation

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The Triple ‐ triple praise

  • Ask around
  • Report a success

Report a success

  • Others respond with a Triple

1. Exclamation of wonder 2. Declaration of difficulty 3. Request for an explanation

  • Acknowledge someone else

Acknowledge someone else

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The Triple ‐ triple praise

  • Ask around
  • Report a success

Report a success

  • Others respond with a Triple

1. Exclamation of wonder 2. Declaration of difficulty 3. Request for an explanation

  • Acknowledge someone else

Acknowledge someone else

  • Return the credit
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The Triple ‐ triple praise

  • Ask around
  • Report a success

Report a success

  • Others respond with a Triple

1. Exclamation of wonder 2. Declaration of difficulty 3. Request for an explanation

  • Acknowledge someone else

Acknowledge someone else

  • Return the credit
  • Smile and look happy

Smile and look happy

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Assignment 1: The Triple

  • Pay attention to something your child does

right or well

  • Point it out to him

1. Exclamation of wonder – Well done! 2. Declaration of difficulty – Not easy at all! 3. Request for an explanation – How did you do it?

  • Conclude with: ”Who helped you?”
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Assignment 2: Praise signal

  • Invent a secret sign for your family that will

allow you to praise each others without words

  • It can be a gesture, facial expression or even a

code word

  • The message is:

”I noticed that you did right” ”Well done” ”You remembered!” ”Good idea!”

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Assignment 3: Gossip praise

  • Praise your child (or your partner) to someone

else while they overhear you

  • Praise your child to someone else and tell

about it to them afterwards

  • Tell your child or your partner, that someone

else has praised them to you

  • Tell your child that you will (or would want to)

praise them for someone else

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Second Session Influencing children

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Whinge hand

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Always Thumb

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Never Always All the time Not again!

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Fault Finger

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Description Example Demonstration Documentation

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Consequenses

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Suffering Illness Danger Pain Consequences

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Cause Finger

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Don’t you understand? Do you have to? What is it with you? Are you out of your mind? You are just like your father! What have I done wrong?

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Deaf Finger

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You never listen! I have told you at least a hundred times... How many times do I have to tell you? Do you have wax in your ears?

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Consequences Finger Always Finger Deaf Finger Fault Finger Cause Finger

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Wish Hand

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Contact Finger

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  • a
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Request finger

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From don’t to do

Don’t...

  • ...run
  • ...pick your nose
  • ...interrupt
  • ...hit others
  • ...take things from others
  • ...beg
  • ...play with your food
  • ...be late
  • ...talk rudely

...do this instead

  • Walk
  • Use handkerchief
  • Wait for your turn
  • Tell an adult if you get angry
  • Ask for permission
  • Ask kindly
  • Eat nicely
  • Be there in time
  • Speak nicely
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Benefits Finger

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Parents Others in the family Friends Reputation Health Hobbies School

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Confidence Finger

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Agreement Finger

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How do you want to be reminded if you sometimes forget?

a

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Benefits Contact Agreement Request Confidence

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Assignment 1: Wish Hand

  • Try the Wish Hand at home with your child or

your partner

  • Team up with another person in your group

and make an agreement to help each other use the Wish hand to deal with a real situation at home or somewhere else in your life where you have a need to tell someone about their behaviour.

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Assignment 2: Consulting

  • Think about something that you feel that you

need to tell your child or your partner repeatedly or constantly

  • Explain that you need to tell them about this

particular thing but that you don’t want to do it in an annoying manner.

  • Ask them to tell you how they want you to tell

them about the thing in a good way.

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Third Session Pulling in the same direction

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Two adults talking about a child

A B C D

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Two adults talking about a child

  • Decide who is A, who B, who C and who D on the

first round

  • A is the partner to whom B, C and D jointly complain

about some problem with the child

  • B brings up a concern with the child
  • C tries to make A understand how serious the

problem is

  • D explains that the problem is A’s fault
  • Repeat 4 times so that each one gets to be A
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Two adults talking about a child

  • Decide who is A, who B, who C and who D on the

first round

  • A is the partner to whom B, C and D jointly want to

talk about some problem with the child

  • B brings up a concern with the child (as before)
  • C raises hope
  • D asks A what he or she thinks could be done about

the concern

  • Repeat 4 times so everyone gets to be A
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Taking criticism

  • B C D do the same as in the first version of the

previous exercise

  • A is proactive this time

– Show that you are interested to listen to B – Ask C if he thinks the problem is serious – Try to get D to tell you what he would want you to do about the matter and what he has thought should be done about the matter

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Assignment 1

  • Talk with your partner about a child

related issues like this:

1. Tell them what you are worried about 2. Tell them how you’d like the thing to be instead 3. Ask them what they suggest to do about it 4. Tell them what you have thought you could do about it 5. Negotiate an agreement with them about what to do about it

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Assignment 2 Praise your partner

  • In your way of being a parent I particularly

appreciate…

  • Our child has this wonderful trait which I think

he/she has picked up from you

  • You are a good mother/father/carer, because…
  • I don’t know where I would be without you

because you are so good with…

  • This thing has been better lately thanks to your….
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Fourth Session Helping children overcome problems and difficulties

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What skill to learn to overcome the problem?

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Name

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Benefits

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Supporters

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Power creature or hero

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Celebration

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Practicing

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Reminding

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Homework 1 Try Kids’ Skills with a child

  • Find a child to try Kids’

Skills with

  • Coach the child in deciding a skill to learn and

then help the child to make a plan to learn the skill based on the steps fo Kids’ Skills

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Homework 2 Reminding

  • Think about a person in your family you often

need to remind of something he should remember

  • Tell him that you understand thay you need to

remind him and explain you don’t want to do it in a way that is irritating for him or is ineffective

  • Ask him to tell you what would be a better

and more effective way of reminding him.

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Fifth Session Responding to unacceptable and inappropriate behavior

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The steps of responsibility

Admitting Understanding Apologizing Making up Promising Response ability

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Admitting

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Understanding

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Apologzing

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Making up

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Promising

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Caring for others too

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Assingment

  • Try the Sorry letter ‐

Find it at www.kidsskills.org

  • Or try the Apologyletter program at

www.apolyletter.org

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Suggestions

  • Kids’

Skills website www.kidsskills.org

  • The Kids’

Skills Online program www.kidsskillsonline.com

  • Steps of Responsibility www.kidsskills.org
  • The book Kids’

Skills in Action, StLukes, 2010.

  • Kids’

Skills Workbook for Children

  • Solution stories –
  • nline picture books for children

and parents: “Dan did wrong”

“Nigel’s nightmare” and “Linda tames her Tiger”