AGENDA 3 1 7/22/2020 Responding versus Reacting: Communicating - - PDF document

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Communication Skills

from Brene Brown

• n Empathy

Amy Nitza, Ph.D. Director, IDMH

Evaluating Performance

• vs.ny.gov/training

AGENDA

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Responding versus Reacting: Communicating from the Green Zone

The The Smok Smoke Alarm e Alarm & & The The Wa Watchtower

First First, the emot the emotional br brain (the n (the s smok

• ke a

e alarm) de dete tects a cts a po pote tential t ntial threat ( t (i.e. a . a stre ress ssor) Next, the , the ratio tional br brain (the n (the w watch tchtower) examine ines the p the potent ntial thr threa eat, decides on

• n a

pl plan o an of act action

• n, and act

, and activates tes that pl plan an Then, Then, the the emot emotiona nal br brain (the n (the s smok

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e alarm) re return rns t s to base selin line and and co continu ntinues mo s monitorin nitoring

The smo smoke alarm is e alarm is const nstantly go going ing

• ff -

f - sugge uggest stin ing danger danger; it it ge gets s stuc uck in in the ‘o ‘on’ n’ po posi sition.

.

The brain be brain becomes mes o

• ut o
• f balan

balance; ce; t the watc watchtower i er is ov

• verwhel

whelmed med by the e smo smoke alarm. e alarm. All All the brain’ e brain’s at s attention ge gets f focused

• n
• n tr

trying to s to shut of

• ff th

f the s e smok

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alarm, m, at at the ex expens nse o e of o

• ther

her brai brain func functions.

In Daily In Daily Lif Life

Manag Managing s stress rel ress relies on es on a h a heal alth thy y balanc nce e betw between the the emot emotional and r ratio tional parts of

• f the

the bra brain. n.

In Tim In Times s of Ex

• f Extreme

treme or

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Traumatic aumatic Stress Stress

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Resilience = Being able to stay in, or quickly return to, a place of physiological, emotional, and mental balance after being disrupted. It is maintaining the ability to respond vs. react to difficult situations

Responding vs. Reacting

Responding = Green Zone Reacting = Red Zone

Communicating to Support Others

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may not Empathy Sympathy

Understanding or feeling what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference Feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters from Brene Brown

• n Empathy

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Empathy can be expressed through reflecting what you hear the person saying:

• Experiences
• Thoughts
• Feelings

You are saying… It sounds like… So you really… Let me see if I have this right…

If you get it wrong, apologize and ask the person to clarify their point. (Getting it wrong is not bad!)

These phrases should be avoided: They are well‐intended, but are experienced as dismissive or invalidating

• “Don’t feel bad.”
• “Don’t cry.”
• “Try not to think

about it.”

• “Let’s talk about

something else.”

• “I know how you feel.”
• “It’s God’s will.”
• “It could be worse.”
• “At least you still have.…”
• “At least [anything].”

Expressing Empathy

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“Don’t do something – just stand there.”

Communicating to Solve Problems

Behavior change by itself is unacceptable to people in distress… 16 17 18

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‘How this has landed on me’ ‘What we ought to do about it’

Adapted from Hanson, R. (2018)

• What do I want for me?
• What do I want from this relationship?
• Do they trust my motives?
• Recognize one
• Invent one

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• Do others believe I respect them?
• Instead of getting hooked and fighting

back, break the cycle

Dealing with Anger

• People may express their distress by

getting mad at a number of targets – both rational and irrational (including you)

• Do your best not to take it personally!
• Often people just need to feel heard, and

to vent

• Validating their feelings and concerns

without getting angry or defensive can go a long way (but is easier said than done)

Dealing with Anger

• High emotionality is contagious
• Try to avoid getting hooked
• Consider anger as a sign of a lack of

safety

• What do you need to get the other

person (and/or you) back in the green zone?

• Anger is a surface level emotion
• Try to connect/empathize with the

emotion underneath the anger

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• Try making clear agreements
• Avoid leading with “you…”
• Avoid saying ‘but’
• Avoid asking “why”

A Few Other Tips

and finally, remember…

Staying Empathically Engaged Requires Self‐Care

 Only genuine empathy is helpful  Remaining genuine with many stressed‐out clients, staff, or colleagues requires self‐care  Know your limits so you can stay genuinely engaged

Thank y Thank you! u!

Q & A

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