4/7/20 Supporting Grieving Children as a CASA Volunteer z Lauren Schneider, LCSW OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center 1 z Agenda 1. Bringing Grief Out of the Closet 2. Understanding children’s grief from a developmental perspective 3. What to Say, What to do? 4. How Our House Can Help 2 It’s OK to say the “D” word. Really! 3 1
4/7/20 CHILDREN’S GRIEF z § Different than Adults § Don’t understand permanence & irreversibility until elementary school § Grieve in spurts: cope with distraction § Revisit their grief as they mature cognitively & emotionally 4 z Children grieve on the inside. 5 6 2
4/7/20 J William z To Accept the Reality of the Loss Worden, PhD: To Process the Pain Tasks of Mourning To Adjust to a world without the deceased To Find an Enduring Connection with the Deceased in the Midst of Embarking on a New Life 7 OUR HOUSE: z 4 GOALS FOR GRIEVING CHILDREN 1. Help them understand what happened. 2. Help them express their feelings. 3. Help them get their needs met in the absence of the person who died. 4. Help them find ways to honor and remember their loved one. 8 Explain Cause Truthfully z in Age-Appropriate Language § Children can tolerate the truth § Titrate the amount of information § Avoid confusing euphemisms § NOT IN A BETTER PLACE! 9 3
4/7/20 Ask: Do you have any questions? z Golden Rule: 10 School-Aged Children: z Concrete Operations Understand permanence; Universality § Concrete thinkers and have short attention spans § Need help talking about the cause of death & § understanding it. Suicide, Homicide, Overdose, etc. § 11 Abstract Thinkers but deny own z mortality (magical thinking) Teens: Ego-centric so often blame themselves Erickson’s Formal Lack emotional maturity to think and cope with death like adults Operation Cope with death in ways that can be dangerous Developmental course may be altered at a crucial time 12 4
4/7/20 Teen Aged Grievers Unite! 13 Teens: Developmental Imperative Identity vs. Role Confusion § Who am I without the person who died? § Need a peer group to identify with- may seek out a gang in effort to fit in somewhere § Parental death might force the teen to become prematurely independent of give up her independence to look after family members 14 What happened to my Dad? 15 5
4/7/20 What happened to their body? 16 Where is your special z person now? 17 Goal #2: Helping Kids Express their Feelings 18 6
4/7/20 Typical Grief Reactions: § Anger § Fear § Sadness § Happiness/Relief § Guilt 19 Goal # 3: Helping Kids Get Their Needs Met Secondary Losses 20 Goal #4: HELPING THEM FIND WAYS TO REMEMBER & HONOR § MAINTAIN THE CONNECTION § REMEMBERING DOESN’T HAVE TO HURT! 21 7
4/7/20 Bar Mitzvahs, Quinceaneras z Honor Birthdays and Maintain Anniversary of the death the Weddings Connection Births Other funerals 22 z Campus Memorials 23 NEED TO SUPPORT KIDS NEED TO ATTEND FUNERALS Attendance at the funeral gives children: 1. The opportunity to honor their deceased parent. 2. Provides comfort to children in the same way it does for adults. 3. Presence of teacher and peer support is optimal 24 8
4/7/20 HELP THEM HONOR THEIR LOVED ONE 25 PUT CLOSURE TO THE WORD “CLOSURE” z (Ken Doka) 26 9
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