The Gift of Cultural Hurricanes: How to Build Bridges that Empower Parents and Transform Catholic Families Worcester, MA June 14, 2016 Tim Hogan, PsyD, CIRT DrTimHogan.com @DrTimHogan Contributor, RCLB Family Life Series
So what’s the point? What do we want them to • Know? • Feel? • Be able to do?
The Gift of Cultural Hurricanes How to Build Bridges that Empower Parents to Transform Families
The Gift of Cultural Hurricanes How to Build Bridges that Empower Parents to Transform Families
The Gift of Cultural Hurricanes How to Build Bridges that Empower Parents to Transform Families
Today’s Cultural Hurricane Two Pictures Image #1: Recent moment of ministry that brings gratitude Image #2: Recent moment of challenge Then, one hope for today
“The family is, so to speak, the domestic church .” -L umen Gentium #11 It is very important to reaffirm the family which remains the essential cell of society and the Church. -Pope Francis
How Identity Forms within Culture Bishops, Superintendents Subject- Matter “Experts” Mentors University “Experts” “Other” Christians Coaches Gay/Lesbian Extended Family Divorce Teachers Pastors Neighborhood Other Religions “Other” Ethnic Groups Pornography Home
How Identity Forms within Culture Bishops, Superintendents Subject- Matter “Experts” Mentors University “Experts” “Other” Christians Coaches Gay/Lesbian Extended Family Divorce Teachers Pastors Neighborhood Other Religions “Other” Ethnic Groups Pornography Home
How Identity Forms within Culture Bishops, Superintendents Subject- Matter “Experts” Mentors University “Experts” “Other” Christians Coaches Gay/Lesbian Extended Family Divorce Teachers Pastors Neighborhood Other Religions “Other” Ethnic Groups Pornography Home
Your Culture of Relationship What do you notice? Compared with today’s families?
Globalization
Globalization: Impact on the Home Economic Storm Causes Unemployment, Forced Transfers Global Competition adds Fear, Pressure, Over-commitment, “Extended Adolescence”
Digitized Hyper-connection
Digitized Hyper-connection: Impact on the Home Lack of Parental Supervision Lost Rhythm of Organic Connections Worsened Nonverbal Processing (EQ) Access to More Experts
Digitized Hyper-connection: More experts means Christian leaders have less influence “Given their access to all kinds of information and a wide variety of worldviews, many young adults no longer believe that the local church and Christianity provide the only or even best avenues to spiritual growth and maturation. [They] are able to get spiritual input from a variety of sources, unmediated by the delivery systems common in the established church.” ( Barna, You Lost Me, 2011, p. 71) “Only one out of six US adults say Christian leaders are very reliable guides for how Christianity should inform our political and justice systems…25 percent of adults say ministers are very reliable in helping people live out their convictions privately and in public.” (Barna, Good Faith, 2016, p. 29)
Explosion of Information and Options Information Explosion: Too Much to Process "Facebook didn't exist; Twitter was a sound; the cloud was in the sky; 4G was a parking place; LinkedIn was a prison; applications were what you sent to college; and Skype for most people was typo. All of that changed in just the last six [10] years.” T. Friedman, Making America Great Again
Impact of Information Explosion on the Home Emotional Impairment: 1 in 5 Americans use psychiatric med 400% increase in anti-depressant use Skyrocketing: anxiety, ADHD, insomnia, erectile dysfunction Impaired Decision-Making, Mindlessness Rise of Extreme, Cultish Spirituality
Spiritual Consequences of Post-Modern Hurricane 1. Disconnection with self 2. Disconnection with spouse, family, religious community 3. Disconnection with community, parish
Interventions that Build Bridges that Transform Catholic Families
A Vision for Bridge-Building in Post-Modernity (Joy of the Gospel) Embrace the Desert without Fear or Discouragement! • Where we rediscover our thirst for God (86) • Embrace new cultural form (117) • So, Practically Speaking… • Necessary Endings (Henry Cloud) • Poke the Box (Seth Godin)
Challenge #1: Disconnection with Self “Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body.” James Joyce, Dubliners
Challenge #1: Disconnection with Self 1. How do we create space for a rich inner life? • For ourselves? • For our leaders? • For our people?
The Wind, One Brilliant Day Antonio Machado The wind, one brilliant day, called to my soul with an odor of jasmine. 'In return for the odor of my jasmine, I'd like all the odor of your roses.' 'I have no roses; all the flowers in my garden are dead.' 'Well then, I'll take the withered petals and the yellow leaves and the waters of the fountain.' The wind left. And I wept. And I said to myself: 'What have you done with the garden that was entrusted to you?'
Challenge #1: Disconnection with Self 1. How do we create space for a rich inner life? • For ourselves? • For our leaders? • For our people? 2. Start here: Margin (Swenson), Getting Things Done (Allen)
Challenge #1: Disconnection with Self 1. Where is this a challenge for you? 2. What have you found helpful?
Challenge #2: Rebuilding Connection within Spouses/Families
Rebuilding Connection within Spouses/Families 1. Get Parents back “Ridiculously in Charge” 2. “Wildest dream for marriage?” Feed it!
Rebuilding Parent-child Connections 1. Special Times, Dates, Transition Times 2. Family Trips, Memory-Makers • Mission Trips • Epic Adventures
Rebuilding Parent-child Connections 1. Special Times and Dates 2. Transition Times: Most Important 30 Minutes of the Day 3. Family Trips, Memory-Makers • Mission Trips • Epic Adventures 4. Create Family Rituals
Supporting Families on the Formative Journey!
Our Family Prays English and Spanish
Rebuilding Marriage Connections
Marriages: New Bridges Needed!
Rebuilding Marriage Connections 1. Why? Marriages need to be fed or they die. 2. Who? If not us, then who? 3. How? a. Find key couples b. Focus on the Drag-ees c. Craft an Experience: Fun, Playful, Connecting
Challenge #3: Rebuilding Bridges with the Parish Community
A Vision for Bridge-Building in Post-Modernity (Joy of the Gospel) Relentlessly Rediscover the Art of Relationship • “Make present the fragrance of Christ’s closeness and his personal gaze. The Church will have to initiate everyone…into this “ art of accompaniment ’ which teaches us to remove our sandals before the sacred ground of the other.” (169) • We need excellent listeners , having an “openness of heart”. (171)
Rebuilding Connections with the Community 1. Must be present to win. a) Where are they? Go there. “How can I pray for you?” b) 2. Embrace Social Media (Relax, Hire Someone!) 3. EPIC Events
My “to do” List 1. Three-basket exercise with trusted people. 2. End a ministry 3. The “puke test”: Focus on relational skill 4. Change staff hours to serve better 5. Re-establish silence and mindfulness 6. Schedule event in nature 7. Do an epic event next year.
• Protecting Kids from Pornography • Helping Children Cope with Loss • Blended Families • Dealing with Sibling Rivalry • Self-Esteem Boosters • Tips to Get Kids to Do Their Chores • What to Do with Oppositional and Defiant Behavior • Social Networking • Confronting the Challenges of Bullying DrTimHogan.com, RCLBenziger.com/tim-hogan
The Gift of Cultural Hurricanes: How to Build Bridges that Empower Parents and Transform Catholic Families Worcester, MA June 14, 2016 Tim Hogan, PsyD, CIRT DrTimHogan.com @DrTimHogan Contributor, RCLB Family Life Series
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