Raising Well-Adjusted Kids Presenter Marianne Jurney, MSS, LCSWA - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Raising Well-Adjusted Kids

Presenter

Marianne Jurney, MSS, LCSWA

Marianne Jurney serves as an EAP counselor and incident manager for Workplace Options, where she has worked for 10 years. Prior to entering the employee assistance field, Marianne worked in the field of children’s services for 16 years, providing services to foster and adoptive families. She and her husband, Mark, are kept busy raising their three children, ages 15, 14 and 9 years. Marianne sees motherhood as both an enormous blessing and a tremendous challenge. As Marianne puts it, “On a daily basis, parents often feel as if they are swimming against the tide as they strive to understand, explain and often counter the messages that our world is sending to our

• children. But take heart – parents don’t need to be perfect
• r to be an expert, what they need to be is available and

willing to come alongside their children as they navigate their way through life.”

Learning Objectives

• Review the current research and science behind

raising well-adjusted kids.

• Learn tips to foster positive mental health in the

children and teens in your life.

Poll

What are the ages of the children in your life? (Select all that apply.)

A. Early childhood (birth – 8 years). B. Middle childhood (8 – 12 years).

• C. Adolescence ( 12 – 18 years).

Quote

“The key to raising a well-rounded child is to establish a solid support system at home so that she grows up satisfied with her achievements and ambitions. The goal as a parent is to help your child feel competent and confident, and to help her develop a sense of passion and purpose.”

Susan Stiffelman, MFT Educational therapist and author of Parenting Without Power Struggles

What Is “Well-Adjusted”?

A “well-adjusted” child is defined as being “mentally and emotionally stable.”

Parent – Child Attachment

Children’s ability to regulate attention, emotion and arousal develops in the context of their primary caregiving relationships during infancy and appears to be fundamental for the balance of the life span in organizing behavior, social relationships and adaptive functioning. In consequence, emotional availability constitutes a key feature of both parenting and children’s development (Bornstein, Suwalksy & Breakstone, 2012).

Attachment Theory

• Coined by psychologist John Bowlby in the late 1960s.
• Children who exhibit a strong attachment to their

caregivers have a strong sense of security and foundation.

• As the child develops, the role of the caregiver shifts to

meet the needs of the child:

– Formative years: Provide consistent support and security. – Latter years: Provide periodic help when needed.

Early Childhood (Birth – 8 years old)

• Socioemotional development occurs at the first year of age.

– Attachment formation is critical.

• 3-5 years old – formation of:

– Peer relationships. – Gender identification. – Judgment (right and wrong).

• 8 years old:

– Enduring friendships. – Social comparison. – Taking others’ “point of view.”

Middle Childhood (8 – 12 years old)

• Cognitive development – slow and steady:

– Building on early childhood skills. – Rule-based reasoning.

• Developing new skills, such as:

– Classification. – Forming hypotheses.

• Gaining a sense of enthusiasm for work and learning:

– Achievement = Motivating factor

Middle Childhood (8 – 12 years old)

• Developing skills in interpersonal and social

relationships:

– Peer orientation. – Greatly influenced by family.

• “Best friends” are viewed as important relationships.

Adolescence (12 – 18 Years Old)

• Cognitive development – transitional period in which

thinking and reasoning about problems and ideas change.

• Benefit from “real life” experiences rather than abstract

principles or ideas.

• Gain the ability to:

– Reflect on their own thoughts. – Think and develop future plans. – Think hypothetically regarding abstract ideas.

• Internal conflict between identity and role confusion.

Adolescence (12 – 18 Years Old)

• Emotional development – mood swings.
• Causes:

– Social, physical and cognitive changes. – Self-esteem issues. – Self-identity vs. socially desirable.

• Psychological disorders become common:

– Depression. – Mood disorders. – Schizophrenia. Media and societal expectations mixed with social, emotional and physical changes have contributed to the increase of eating disorders, violence and sexuality.

Developing Healthy Brain Habits

“Techniques that foster emotional intelligence, self- esteem and self-awareness will give them more of a head start in life than anything else.”

Catherine Plano

Did You Know?

• 90% of a child’s brain growth takes place within the first five

years of life – millions of brain connections are forming.

• According to The Science of Parenting, “By age seven the

foundations for their adult brain function (and ability to handle tricky emotions) are pretty much set. And no, nothing will have more influence on our child’s life than you, their primary caregiver.”

Curiosity, Imagination and Creativity

“Curiosity, imagination and creativity in children make a powerful three-part force that constantly pulls them upward to new levels of

• maturity. This will show up in their school work, in their future jobs

and in their lives generally.”

Benjamin Spock

• Infancy = Curiosity
• 3-6 years = Imagination
• School years = Dream (nature, science, technology)
• Adolescence = Dream (romance, great/realistic

achievements)

Sociability

• Children are born with their own unique personalities, and

some children are more sociable than others early on.

• Birth order plays a role in sociability:

– The oldest child may be less sociable than average. – Model themselves after their parental figure:

• More serious-minded.
• More mature.
• More self-conscious.
• Same may be true for only children.

– Second child takes more initiative. “The development of our sociability has to be given a good head start by

• ur having parents who are delighted with us in infancy, who smile at us,

hug us, talk baby talk to us.”

Benjamin Spock

Quote

“In raising children, we need to continuously keep in mind how we can best create the most favorable environment for their imitative

• behavior. Everything done in the past regarding imitation must

become more and more conscious and more and more consciously connected with the future.’”

Rudolf Steiner

Positive Parenting Strategies – Early Childhood

• Play matching games (e.g., puzzles, shapes).
• Encourage independence by allowing your child to dress

him/herself.

• Schedule a time to read with your child.
• Take your child on a walk to explore his/her surroundings.
• Teach your child easy songs or nursery rhymes.
• Teach your child how to appropriately express his/her feelings.
• Allow your child to assist with simple chores.
• Remain consistent when disciplining your child.

Positive Parenting Strategies – Middle Childhood

• Show affection, and recognize accomplishments.
• Assist in helping him/her develop a sense of responsibility.
• Provide praise for good behavior.
• Converse with your child regarding school and friends.
• Meet the parents of your child’s friends.
• Become actively involved in your child’s school.
• Help him/her set goals.
• Discuss the physical and emotional changes of puberty.
• Make clear rules, and ensure that you stick to them.
• Encourage him/her to read daily.

Positive Parenting Strategies – Adolescence

• Meet your teen’s friends.
• Express interest in your child’s education.
• Respect your teen’s opinions, and be an active listener.
• Discuss sensitive subjects such as drugs, sex and alcohol, and be

completely honest.

• Assist your teen in making healthy decisions/choices.
• Encourage your teen to become active in the community.
• Provide positive compliments to your teen, and celebrate his/her

accomplishments.

• Pay attention to any changes in your teen’s behavior.
• Show affection, and spend quality time together.

Poll

Do you and your children have established daily routines?

A. Yes. B. No.

Create Routines

• According to child psychologist Danielle Kaufman, “Building

routines with your children helps them feel safe.”

• Reasoning:

– Children are provided with clear and concise boundaries, expectations and consistency.

Creating Routines

• The best way to create a routine is to

Keep It Simple

• Choose one or two techniques, and modify them as you

feel it suits your child.

• Remain consistent.

– According to author Gretchen Rubin, “One of the easiest ways to make a new habit stick is to pair it with one you’ve already established.”

Tips for Developing a Morning Routine

• 1. Start the cycle of “moving” early on.

– Research and studies have proven that ensuring your child gets in the habit of moving (exercise) early in life will lead to a healthier adulthood. – Trick for success = Make it fun … not a chore.

• Younger children: Walking around the neighborhood.
• Older children: Dancing to music while getting ready.
• 2. Ease distractions.

– Children face a lot of distractions, which can increase their stress level. – Simple visualization is a great way for children to experience the benefits of mindfulness.

Tips for Developing an Evening Routine

• 1. Read to your children.

– Fosters intelligence.

• 2. Practice gratitude.

– According to several studies, gratitude, for both adults and children, “has the strongest relationship to life satisfaction.” – How do you express gratitude age-appropriately?

• According to Danielle Kaufman, “Be specific.”
• “Instead of asking ‘How was your day?’ try ‘What’s something funny

that happened to you today, or something you found difficult but you tried it anyway?’’’

– Danielle Kaufman states, “It’s the concept of appreciating the process in life, and noticing the little things, not just the outcome.”

Tips for Developing an Evening Routine

• 3. Create a worry box.

– Since 1998, the number of anxiety cases in children has doubled. – Teaching children how to externalize their feelings calms the brain “amygdala hijack.” – According to Danielle Kaufman, “Telling children not to worry squashes their feelings. It’s more helpful for them to have something they can actively do to process it, but not necessarily having negative associations with negative emotions.” – A fun way to release their worries is to have them write their feelings down on a piece of paper, tear it up and drop it in the “worry box.”

Quote

“Raising children is an enormously important part of

• life. I think one of the most important, or the most

important, period.”

Eric Braeden

For More Assistance

Contact your Employee Assistance Program

Thank You

Questions?

Works Cited

Bornstein, M., Suwalsky, J., & Breakstone, D. (2012, February 24). Emotional relationships between mothers and infants: Knowns, unknowns, and unknown unknowns. Retrieved April 19, 2017, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3426791/#R36

• BrainyQuote. (n.d.). Raising children quotes. Retrieved March 31, 2017, from

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/raising_children.html Capetta, Amy. (n.d.). 7 ways to raise a well-rounded kid. Retrieved March 31, 2017, from http://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/raise-well-rounded-kids/ Psychologist World. (n.d.). Attachment theory. Retrieved April 24, 2017, from https://www.psychologistworld.com/developmental/attachment-theory Spock, B. (1988). Dr. Spock on parenting: Sensible, reassuring advice for today's parent. New York: Simon and Schuster. StateUniversity.com. (n.d.). Stages of growth child development: Early childhood (birth to eight years), middle childhood (eight to twelve years). Retrieved February 17, 2017, from http://education.stateuniversity.com/pages/1826/Child-Development-Stages-Growth.html

Works Cited

U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (Updated 2017). Child development. Retrieved February 24, 2017, from https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/index.html Williams, Alice. (2016, October 30). The ritual every parent should do with their kids before the age of 7. Retrieved March 31, 2017, from http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/kids/the- ritual-every-parent-should-do-with-their-kids-before-the-age-of-7/news- story/125c57823afa47373db0d74809e6c9d0