HOW DO WE RAISE RESILIENT, WELL-ADJUSTED CHILDREN WITH HEALTHY BRAINS?*
The top in-demand jobs today did not exist 5-6 years ago iDS and Android Data Scientist Developer Cloud Services Specialist UI/UX Designer Big Data Architect Digital Marketing Manager
We are currently preparing for jobs that don’t yet exist….
…..using technologies that haven’t yet been invented...
...in order to solve problems we don’t even know they are problems yet.
A need for Balance Take a helicopter view of your child’s life to see the whole terrain. How much time do they spend in... ● physical activity? ● academic activity? ● social activity / sports? ● computer or video games? ● interaction with family?
HOW the brain’s lower-level neural networks are connected or “wired” together becomes the building blocks for more advanced circuits. Early experiences determine whether a child’s developing brain architecture provides a STRONG or WEAK foundation for all future learning, behavior, and health.
THREE KEYS TO PARENTING Children need to feel…. … safe … valued … connected http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDVkkwl6aJo
* How do we Ensure they feel Safe? Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures (Corinthians 13:7) ● Maintain OPTIMISM and HOPE --- a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives ● YOU BE the PARENT. Don’t put your child in the alpha role ● Ensure a consistent and secure environment ● Firm guidance and structure --set fair rules and limits ● Clear, consistent, and realistic expectations ● Keep routines ■ Family meals ■ Structured family rituals ■ Consistent time for homework, bedtime
*We need to be both their cheerleaders and their coach ○ We must emphasize their strengths & find their “islands of competence” (R. Brooks) THE BONDING HORMONE: OXYTOCIN
*The solution is not to do away with all stress ➢ “normal, every-day stress” enriches a child’s emotional growth. “If we interfere in that natural growth and development that is driven by normal stress, we mess kids up----they will grow up to lack the coping mechanisms to deal with the stressors of everyday life.” Stanley Kutcher, professor of psychiatry at Dalhouise University
STRESS LEVELS CHRONIC high production of cortisol and adrenalin - atrophy of neurons High Stress DURESS Moderate Stress EUSTRESS Very low stress No stress zone *
The Brain’s Response to Stress THALAMUS “ Chamber, inner room ” – The Gateway to the Cortex •located in the centre of the brain •strategic position to act as a relay station : to direct the flow of information •Once received, information is sent OR cortex If brain registers DANGER hypothalamus amygdala The psychological activates sentinel of the brain hormonal * changes
PARENTING STYLES: The balance between support and control The Permissive Parent The Authoritative Parent ➢ highly supportive but ➢ highly supportive AND INCREASING SUPPORT makes few rules and trusts closely monitors and sets rather than monitors rules “I care and I’ll give you the “I trust you’ll do the right freedom you earn, but for thing.” safety-related issues, I am your Parent!.” The Uninvolved Parent The Authoritarian Parent ➢ sets few rules, does not ➢ sets many rules and monitor, and offers little closely monitors, but offers active support. little support “Kids will be kids---you’ll “You’ll do as I say.” learn from your mistakes.” INCREASING CONTROL
*Our brains are fundamentally designed to learn by example
Seeing Words Explaining a problem Speaking Words Hearing Words Sleeping
Sleep and Brain Growth Across ALL AGES
During the night, Neurotrophins (proteins) enable growth and development of dendrites OR -has a life span of 18-20 hours
Neurotrophins : group of proteins which are responsible for the growth and development of dendrites
* Calpain : enzyme which IF NOT... .. causes the protein marker to self – destruct.
THREE KEYS TO PARENTING Children need to feel…. … safe … valued … connected
*Over the last decades we have seen an erosion of children’s freedom and opportunity to freely play. https://youtu.be/pYii6nxhvUk?t=17 PLAY is where children learn they are in control of their lives.
LOCUS OF CONTROL INTERNAL EXTERNAL
Fixed Mindset Growth Mindset Leads to a desire Leads to a desire to look smart & to learn tendency & tendency to… to… AVOID CHALLENGES EMBRACE GIVE UP OBSTACLES PERSIST FRUITLESS EFFORT PATH TO MASTERY DEFLECT CRITICISM LEARN FEEL THREATENED SUCCESS OF OTHERS FIND LESSONS OF INSPIRATION & CELEBRATE From the work of Carol Dweck
Brain CEO: Forebrain or Prefrontal Area • Planning • Attention • Judgment • Reflection • Prioritizing • Self control • Strategizing • Sequencing • Anticipation • Delayed gratification • Organization • Impulse control • Second thought • Working memory • Modulating mood • Response flexibility • Goal-directed behavior • Foresee consequences *
http://www.cnn.com/2014/12/22/us/marshmallow-test/index.html (1:16-3:50) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgCL3GnmIfY Marshmallow Test http://healthland.time.com/2011/01/24/the-k ey-to-health-wealth-and-success-self-contr ol/ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PnbKL 3wuH4 Cookie Monster *
The Marshmallow Test Those who resisted… • more socially adept • personally effective • Increased academic achievement • self assured • embrace challenges • self reliant & confident • trustworthy / dependable • 220 point increase on SAT • better coping mechanisms for stress and pressures
problems in adolescence: poorer smoking, generally less educational addictions satisfied in life outcomes multiple health easily those problems: frustrated; who did cardiovascular externalizing NOT disease, cancer problems resist obesity Higher stubborn incidence indecisive of involvement resentful jealous with the law envious
THREE KEYS TO PARENTING Children need to feel…. … safe … valued … connected
Cultures have been traditionally characterized by strong attachments across generations We are losing contact with our children and this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of society. Attachment has shifted prematurely from adults to peers. 1960s: Kids cared more about what parents thought than what peers thought Today , peers matter more than parents Today’s kids are oriented toward the marketplace and are attached to peers more than to their parents https://youtu.be/Rof2UQfzUtY?t=514
Dr. Leonard Sax– “ The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups” Adults defer to kids because they have relinquished parental authority and lost confidence in themselves Triggers an innate psychological response and their survival instincts activate i.e., they don’t feel taken care of and they struggle with this alpha role
Healthy relationships – Developing strong bonds with adults through loving, positive interactions with family members and care givers – A safe attachment with adults is the most effective shield – The adults must matter more than the peers – Be aware of depersonalized attachment (i.e., technology)---if it is not fulfilling, it is addictive – Digital connectivity is more addictive than alcohol or tobacco --betrays the human need for contact, proximity, attachment – –
We must fight for strong bonds across generations •Eat supper together with your kids-----no mobiles allowed at the table •Choose vacations that bridge generations—that means outdoors •Call the vacation lodge and ask, “Do you have internet”? Our culture today undermines the authority of parents
If I had my child to raise over again If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d finger-paint more and point the finger less. I’d do less correcting and more connecting. I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I would care to know less and know to care more. I’d take more hikes and fly more kites. I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I’d run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I would be firm enough, so as to affirm more. I’d build self-esteem first, and a house later. I’d teach less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.
THANK YOU!
Recommend
More recommend
