HOW DO WE RAISE RESILIENT, WELL-ADJUSTED CHILDREN WITH - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

HOW DO WE RAISE RESILIENT, WELL-ADJUSTED CHILDREN WITH HEALTHY BRAINS?*

The top in-demand jobs today did not exist 5-6 years ago

iDS and Android Developer Cloud Services Specialist Data Scientist Big Data Architect UI/UX Designer Digital Marketing Manager

We are currently preparing for jobs that don’t yet exist….

…..using technologies that haven’t yet been invented...

...in order to solve problems we don’t even know they are problems yet.

A need for Balance

Take a helicopter view of your child’s life to see the whole terrain. How much time do they spend in...

• physical activity?
• academic activity?
• social activity / sports?
• computer or video games?
• interaction with family?

HOW the brain’s lower-level neural networks are connected or “wired” together becomes the building blocks for more advanced circuits. Early experiences determine whether a child’s developing brain architecture provides a STRONG or WEAK foundation for all future learning, behavior, and health.

Children need to feel…. … safe … valued … connected THREE KEYS TO PARENTING

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDVkkwl6aJo

*How do we Ensure they feel Safe?

Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures (Corinthians 13:7)

• Maintain OPTIMISM and HOPE --- a sense of meaning and

purpose in their lives

• YOU BE the PARENT. Don’t put your child in

the alpha role

• Ensure a consistent and secure environment
• Firm guidance and structure --set fair rules and limits
• Clear, consistent, and realistic expectations
• Keep routines

■ Family meals ■ Structured family rituals ■ Consistent time for homework, bedtime

*We need to be both their cheerleaders and their coach ○ We must emphasize their strengths & find their “islands of competence” (R. Brooks)

THE BONDING HORMONE: OXYTOCIN

➢ “normal, every-day stress” enriches a child’s emotional growth.

“If we interfere in that natural growth and development that is driven by normal stress, we mess kids up----they will grow up to lack the coping mechanisms to deal with the stressors of everyday life.”

Stanley Kutcher, professor of psychiatry at Dalhouise University

*The solution is not to do away with all stress

*

No stress zone

Very low stress

Moderate Stress EUSTRESS High Stress DURESS

STRESS LEVELS

CHRONIC high production of cortisol and adrenalin - atrophy of neurons

The Brain’s Response to Stress

* The psychological sentinel of the brain

“Chamber, inner room” – The

Gateway to the Cortex

• located in the centre of the brain
• strategic position to act as a

relay station: to direct the flow of information

• Once received, information is sent

OR activates

hormonal changes

cortex

hypothalamus

THALAMUS

amygdala

If brain registers DANGER

INCREASING CONTROL INCREASING SUPPORT The Permissive Parent ➢highly supportive but makes few rules and trusts rather than monitors “I trust you’ll do the right thing.” The Uninvolved Parent ➢ sets few rules, does not monitor, and offers little active support. “Kids will be kids---you’ll learn from your mistakes.” The Authoritative Parent ➢highly supportive AND closely monitors and sets rules “I care and I’ll give you the freedom you earn, but for safety-related issues, I am your Parent!.” The Authoritarian Parent ➢sets many rules and closely monitors, but offers little support “You’ll do as I say.” PARENTING STYLES: The balance between support and control

*Our brains are fundamentally designed to learn by example

Seeing Words Speaking Words Hearing Words Explaining a problem Sleeping

Sleep and Brain Growth Across ALL AGES

• has a life span
• f 18-20 hours

During the night, Neurotrophins (proteins) enable growth and development of dendrites OR

Neurotrophins: group of proteins which are responsible for the growth and development of dendrites

*

IF NOT..... Calpain: enzyme which causes the protein marker to self – destruct.

Children need to feel…. … safe … valued … connected THREE KEYS TO PARENTING

*Over the last decades we have seen an erosion of children’s freedom and opportunity to freely play.

https://youtu.be/pYii6nxhvUk?t=17

PLAY is where children learn they are in control of their lives.

INTERNAL EXTERNAL LOCUS OF CONTROL

From the work of Carol Dweck

Fixed Mindset Leads to a desire to look smart & tendency to… Growth Mindset Leads to a desire to learn & tendency to…

AVOID CHALLENGES EMBRACE GIVE UP OBSTACLES PERSIST FRUITLESS EFFORT PATH TO MASTERY DEFLECT CRITICISM LEARN FEEL THREATENED SUCCESS OF OTHERS FIND LESSONS OF INSPIRATION & CELEBRATE

*

• Planning
• Attention
• Judgment
• Reflection
• Prioritizing
• Self control
• Strategizing
• Sequencing
• Anticipation
• Delayed gratification
• Organization
• Impulse control
• Second thought
• Working memory
• Modulating mood
• Response flexibility
• Goal-directed behavior
• Foresee consequences

Brain CEO: Forebrain or Prefrontal Area

*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgCL3GnmIfY Marshmallow Test http://healthland.time.com/2011/01/24/the-k ey-to-health-wealth-and-success-self-contr

• l/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PnbKL 3wuH4 Cookie Monster

http://www.cnn.com/2014/12/22/us/marshmallow-test/index.html

(1:16-3:50)

The Marshmallow Test

Those who resisted…

• more socially adept
• personally effective
• Increased academic achievement
• self assured
• embrace challenges
• self reliant & confident
• trustworthy / dependable
• 220 point increase on SAT
• better coping mechanisms for stress and

pressures

those who did NOT resist generally less satisfied in life problems in adolescence: smoking, addictions stubborn indecisive resentful Higher incidence

• f involvement

with the law jealous envious multiple health problems: cardiovascular disease, cancer

• besity

poorer educational

• utcomes

easily frustrated; externalizing problems

Children need to feel…. … safe … valued … connected THREE KEYS TO PARENTING

We are losing contact with our children and this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of society. Cultures have been traditionally characterized by strong attachments across generations Attachment has shifted prematurely from adults to peers. 1960s: Kids cared more about what parents thought than what peers thought Today, peers matter more than parents Today’s kids are oriented toward the marketplace and are attached to peers more than to their parents https://youtu.be/Rof2UQfzUtY?t=514

• Dr. Leonard Sax– “The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our

Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups”

Adults defer to kids because they have relinquished parental authority and lost confidence in themselves Triggers an innate psychological response and their survival instincts activate i.e., they don’t feel taken care of and they struggle with this alpha role

Healthy relationships

– Developing strong bonds with adults through loving, positive interactions with family members and care givers – A safe attachment with adults is the most effective shield – The adults must matter more than the peers – Be aware of depersonalized attachment (i.e., technology)---if it is not fulfilling, it is addictive – Digital connectivity is more addictive than alcohol

• r tobacco --betrays the human need for

contact, proximity, attachment

– –

We must fight for strong bonds across generations

• Eat supper together with your kids-----no

mobiles allowed at the table

• Choose vacations that bridge

generations—that means outdoors

• Call the vacation lodge and ask, “Do you

have internet”?

Our culture today undermines the authority of parents

If I had my child to raise over again

If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d finger-paint more and point the finger less. I’d do less correcting and more connecting. I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I would care to know less and know to care more. I’d take more hikes and fly more kites. I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I’d run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I would be firm enough, so as to affirm more. I’d build self-esteem first, and a house later. I’d teach less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.

THANK YOU!