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COMMUNICATE TO INFLUENCE

Eileen Browne - Training Consultant

Welcome

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What makes us tick?

… and what’s that got to do with onions?

THE HUMAN ONION

The Value of Values

Operating principles that guide an

• rganisation’s internal conduct

as well as its relationship with the external world

The Value of Values

Values are the things we believe are important in the way we live and work. They can determine our standards of behaviour

Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people.

Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people.

Attitudes and Beliefs Influenced by our values

Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people. Attitudes and Beliefs Influenced by our values

Feelings An internal response, related to

• ur attitudes and beliefs

Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people. Attitudes and Beliefs Influenced by our values Feelings An internal response, related to

• ur attitudes and beliefs

Behaviour An external reaction to all

• f the above

A thought someone shared with me

“Isn’t it funny how we judge others by their behaviour, but we judge

• urselves by our

motives”

CHOOSE A BABYSITTER

CHARACTER A CHARACTER B

• Actively rebellious
• Showed disregard for law and

authority

• Described as a promoter of

violence and symbol of resistance

• Imprisoned, accused of terrorist

type activity

• Married 3 times
• Consistently absent as a father and

husband

• Brought up with a religious

education

• Interested in the arts
• Described by many as studious

and ambitious

• A willing volunteer and missionary
• Loyal serviceman
• Awarded for bravery
• Respected as an authority in his

field

• Actively rebellious
• Showed disregard for law and

authority

• Described as a promoter of

violence and symbol of resistance

• Imprisoned, accused of terrorist

type activity

• Married 3 times
• Consistently absent as a father

and husband

• Brought up with a religious

education

• Interested in the arts
• Described by many as studious

and ambitious

• A willing volunteer and

missionary

• Loyal serviceman
• Awarded for bravery
• Respected as an authority in his

field

Choose a babysitter

CHARACTER A CHARACTER B

Choose a babysitter

CHARACTER A CHARACTER B

AUDIAL VISUAL KINAESTHETIC

Communication Style Preferences

FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS

Communication Style Preferences

FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS

• Logical
• Decides after evaluation
• Wants appreciation for job

done – but does not want to be condescended to

• More concerned with ideas

and principles than people

• May be self-critical

NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS

Communication Style Preferences

FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS

• Logical
• Decides after evaluation
• Wants appreciation for job

done – but does not want to be condescended to

• More concerned with ideas and

principles than people

• May be self-critical
• Nice
• Can be slow to change
• Avoids confrontation and

conflict

• Wants harmony
• Likes to know motivations
• Intuitive

NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS

Communication Style Preferences

FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS

• Logical
• Decides after evaluation
• Wants appreciation for job done

– but does not want to be condescended to

• More concerned with ideas and

principles than people

• May be self-critical
• Nice
• Can be slow to change
• Avoids confrontation and

conflict

• Wants harmony
• Likes to know motivations
• Intuitive

NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS

• Fun
• Enthusiastic
• Optimistic
• Unstructured
• Can be mischievous
• Forms opinions from feelings
• People oriented

Communication Style Preferences

FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS

• Logical
• Decides after evaluation
• Wants appreciation for job

done – but does not want to be condescended to

• More concerned with ideas

and principles than people

• May be self-critical
• Nice
• Can be slow to change
• Avoids confrontation and

conflict

• Wants harmony
• Likes to know motivations
• Intuitive

NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS

• Fun
• Enthusiastic
• Optimistic
• Unstructured
• Can be mischievous
• Forms opinions from feelings
• People oriented
• Results oriented
• Direct
• Loves change and challenge
• Decides quickly
• Risk taker
• Seeks solutions
• Can be hasty

GREEN – Facts & Figures

• Provide data
• Take out or don’t use fluff/waffle – straight facts
• Give them incentives.
• Set challenges so they have a sense of achievement
• Use pictograms/charts to make proposition visual

Other suggestions……

• Focus on What, When, Where and How?
• Give step by step instructions
• Give positive feedback, encouragement and reassurance
• Provide evidence
• Appeal to their expertise and competence
• Allow time for plenty of questions
• Have clearly defined deadlines
• Provide standards and parameters

BLUE – People & Feelings

• Give them data about people’s lives/material situation
• Values
• Give them time to process info
• Give them reassurance that idea wont cause disharmony or conflict
• Promote community cohesion

Other suggestions…….

• Build rapport and trust – get to know them
• Acknowledge how they are feeling
• Use the words “ I feel…” “I think…”
• Make clear the “WHY”
• Teamwork, working in collaboration
• Get consensus
• Have a gentle, tacit approach
• BIG picture – positive impact on multiple people

YELLOW – New ideas & Creativity

• Positive people/like positive words
• Bright shiny images
• Feel inclusive
• Give solutions
• Beginning and end/less about the middle
• Need for interactive workshops
• Brainstorming
• Team building exercises

Other suggestions…….

• Capture their imagination
• Give specific directions
• Use humour and images
• Set/hit mini goals
• Series of short meetings for check in and review

RED – Challenge & Results

• CEOs – not detailed people
• Don’t overload with lots of detail
• Focus on solutions and how they impact their decision making
• Show benefit and potential rewards of the risks taken
• Share what it will mean to them
• Present them with direct messages
• Not conversational approach/more direct
• Ask for a decision. Not open ended – give them planned options from which to

choose Other suggestions…….

• Get to the point /Talk results/Anticipate questions
• Frame proposition in terms of problem/solution
• Use language such as: Direct, Immediate, Total
• Introduce, timescales, milestones

Reflection and Action

Thinking about communication style preferences ….

• What strengths do I have in my

communication style approach?

• Which new approaches could I try to

communicate with more influence?

In order to be understood, Seek first to understand

Stephen Covey

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Mummy Bull?

LISTENING….

“Next to physical survival, the greatest human need is psychological survival; to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated. When you listen with empathy to another person you give that person psychological air. And after that vital need is met, you can then focus on influencing or problem solving.”

Steven Covey 1991

ENVIRONMENT EARS EYES EXPERIENCE EMOTIONS EXPECTATION EGO

E’sy Listening?

What gets in the way of being an effective listener?

Your feedback via Chat

• Too busy
• Too busy thinking what to say next
• Bored
• My mind is racing ahead thinking about how they are talking
• Judgement
• Anger/fear
• Attention span
• Distractions
• Being pre-occupied with something else
• Not being prepared
• Preconceptions – ideas that are already ingrained in yourself
• Jumping to conclusions (without properly listening to a point of view)

7 Ways To Listen More Effectively

• Silence the inner talk
• Don’t interrupt
• Don’t plan you answer half way
• Avoid assuming the end
• Sum up and reflect back
• Check for understanding
• Ask questions

Ask the right questions…….

• Ask OPEN questions to encourage

discussion…‘WHAT?’ ‘WHEN?’ ‘HOW?’ ‘WHO?’ ‘WHERE?’ ‘TELL ME ABOUT’

• Ask CLOSED questions if you want to

clarify

• Ask PROBING questions
• Avoid WHY questions (sometimes)????
• Ask questions in informal language – this

is a conversation not an interrogation

How to engage more effectively

• Using images/text – engage visually
• sk if message is being understood – regularly
• Don’t wait until the end
• Eye contact
• Think about impact of using zoom and other virtual platforms
• Think about oher persons perdepctive
• What can hook hem in
• Ensure discussion so people come to the conslusions themselves
• Ask for theor feedback to imptove things

7 Ways To Engage More Effectively

• Consider opener to get their attention
• Clarify goal – to you and them
• Use 3 point frameworks
• Show benefits to them
• Choose language and jargon
• Ask effective questions

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Emotional Intelligence is……

The capacity to be aware of, control and express one's emotions appropriately and clearly in a way that helps you to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously, empathetically and harmoniously

Useful Influencing Behaviours I demonstrate listening by giving attention, reflecting data and feeling and summarising I express my views and

• pinions backed by

reasons, forcefully enough to be taken seriously I focus and build on common ground I spell out the benefits

• r consequences
• f meeting …
• r not meeting

my expectations I disclose personal and work information appropriate to the relevant situation I state what I want or what action I want taken I use questions to increase understanding

• f your position

I openly express my feelings about the current situation

Addressing Needs and Concerns

S Stakeholder Stakeholder Stakeholder Stakeholder NEEDS NEEDS NEEDS NEEDS CONCERNS CONCERNS CONCERNS CONCERNS TOPIC

Planning Your Communication

Think about … What is in your way and within your influence? What is in your way but outside of your influence? What steps can you take now?

Portraying Confidence

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

• PS. 23:4

3 Step Approach to Saying “STOP”

Assertiveness is . . .

• being able to say what you think or

feel but not at the expense of the

• ther person
• having self respect and respect for

the other person

MODES OF BEHAVIOUR

• AGGRESSIVE - violates rights of
• thers
• PASSIVE -

violates your rights

• ASSERTIVE -

respects the rights

• f both parties

Three Step Approach

• 3. Focus on the future

Could we agree that in future if you need to extend a deadline we could talk about it and agree the best way forward

• 2. Focus on feelings/ fallout/impact

Because I didn’t get x in time, I had to stay late to compile data myself and had to delay my report to/meeting with ….

• 1. Focus on facts

Jo, we agreed I’d have x by ‘date/time’ and I didn’t get it from you. I appreciate you have competing priorities and so do I.

We CANNOT change

• ther people,

but WE can adapt to Communicate to Influence

Eileen Browne, Training Consultant 07508939668 ebrowne@dsc.org.uk Directory of Social Change www.dsc.org.uk

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