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Clarity Trumps Persuasion: How ordinary marketers are learning to write high-impact copy Dr. Flint McGlaughlin Managing Director (CEO) MECLABS About the Presenter Dr. Flint McGlaughlin Managing Director, MECLABS Flint McGlaughlin is the

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  • Dr. Flint McGlaughlin

Managing Director (CEO) MECLABS

Clarity Trumps Persuasion: How ordinary marketers are learning to write high-impact copy

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About the Presenter

  • Dr. Flint McGlaughlin – Managing Director, MECLABS

Flint McGlaughlin is the Managing Director of MECLABS. The organization has partnered with key market leaders including, The New York Times, Microsoft Corporation, and Reuters Group.

  • Dr. McGlaughlin also serves as the Director of Enterprise Research at the Transforming

Business Institute, University of Cambridge (UK), as the Chairman of the Board of Governors for St. Stephen’s University, and as a Trustee for Westminster Theological

  • Centre. Dr. McGlaughlin originally studied Philosophy and Theology at the University of

London’s Specialist Jesuit College. Today, his primary research is focused on enterprise as transformative agent. His work has won multiple awards and has been quoted in more than 13,000 online and offline sources.

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PART 1: An Experiment

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Experiment: Background and Design

Background: Large Canadian financial institution offering a special banking package for new immigrants to Canada. To obtain this offer, visitors are led

  • ffline to a local branch.

Goal: To increase the amount of branch locator starts. Primary research question: Which landing page will generate the most branch locator starts. Approach: A/B multifactor split test Experiment ID: (Protected) Location: MarketingExperiments Research Library Test Protocol Number: TP1390 Research Notes:

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Experiment: The control

  • This original landing page was

broken into two steps. In the first step, the user was basically given all the details about the banking

  • ffer.
  • An interactive tab menu allowed

visitor to choose and read about whatever offer benefit or feature that most interested them.

  • The CTA states “Get Started

Now” and leads to the another page that will inform them how to obtain this offer. Landing Page – Step 1

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Experiment: The control

Landing Page – Step 2

  • In the second step the visitors

are instructed specifically on how to open account with this financial instruction.

  • It all leads up to the visitor

contacting a local branch (the main KPI).

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Experiment: The hypothesis

Our researchers hypothesized that though these pages were full of a lot of valuable information, the visitor was losing clarity about the offer due to information overload. Might the page be more effective with less copy and a laser- like focus?

Control - Page 1 Control - Page 2

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Experiment: The treatment

  • So the treatment designed by
  • ur researchers combined only

the most pertinent information contained on the two pages into one concise landing page.

  • The five most appealing aspects
  • f the value proposition are

listed immediately.

  • Directions on how to take the

next steps are clear and simple.

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Experiment: Side-by-side

Control Treatment

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Versions CTR

  • Rel. diff
  • Stat. Conf

Control – Two-step landing page 3.56%

  • T1 – Consolidated Landing Page

10.69% 200.13%

200% Increase in Conversion

The Treatment generated 200% more branch locator starts

 What you need to understand: By reducing the amount of information

contained in the copy and clearly focusing on just the core aspects of value, the treatment landing page was able to increase the rate of response by 200.13%.

Experiment: Results

99%

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Key Principle

What you need to understand

  • 1. When it comes to crafting effective copy, clarity trumps persuasion.
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PART 2: A Strategy for Writing Clear Copy

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A Strategy Writing Clear Copy

STEP 1: Get clear about your Value Proposition The value proposition is the substance; the copy is the form. It should not be the form that persuades, but the substance. So it should not be the copy style that does the persuading, but rather it should be the value proposition. There are three critical steps to crafting clear, high-impact copy:

Key Principles

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What’s wrong with this copy?

  • In an attempt to be

“persuasive,” the copy

  • bscures the Value

Proposition with vague qualitative statements that that comes off as arrogant and braggadocious.

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Clarifying your Value Proposition

Value Proposition: The primary reason why your ideal prospect should buy from you rather than your competitors.

1. You are fundamentally answering a first-person question posed in the mind of your customers. 2. Your Value Proposition is not a complete list of product/company benefits. It is a focused expression of the most compelling force inherit to your product/company value. 3. A Value Proposition cannot be all things to all people. It states the unique appeal of an offer/company to a specifically defined prospect type. 4. A Value Proposition has a specific action in mind. It is seeking to answer “why” for a specific “what.” 5. A Value Proposition must differentiate you from your competitors. In at least one way, you must have an “only” factor.

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Clarifying your Value Proposition

So, why should you buy from them rather than any other company? “Because we are the ONLY company that makes 26 million phone calls a year to make sure you get the most accurate mailing lists available.” How might we better express this Value Proposition clearly in the copy?

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Value Proposition: “Because we are the ONLY company that makes 26 million phone calls a year to make sure you get the most accurate mailing lists available.”

Clarifying your Value Proposition

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Before and After

Before After

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Conversion Rate Relative Difference

Original 4.86%

  • Optimized

14.65% 201.3%

201% Increase in Total Leads

The optimized version increased capture emails by 201.3%

Clarifying your Value Proposition

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A Strategy Writing Clear Copy

STEP 1: Get clear about your Value Proposition The value proposition is the substance; the copy is the form. It should not be the form that persuades, but the substance. So it should not be the copy style that does the persuading, but rather the value proposition.

. STEP 2: Follow a framework that matches the sequence of thought Copy becomes clearer the more tightly it is synchronized to the thought sequence of the recipient. There are three critical steps to crafting clear, high-impact copy:

Key Principles

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How People Think

Exposition Climax Resolution

Beginning (The Setup) Middle (The Confrontation) End (The Resolve)

ACT 1 ACT 2 ACT 3 Climax Rising Act. Resolution /Exposition Falling Act.

SUB STORY People think in story, therefore understanding your visitor’s thought sequence comes down to understanding the basic structure of a story. Each part of the conversion process can be tied to story…

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The Structure of a Story

The Exposition: As it relates to conversion, the main story is usually set up in the channels (PPC, Email, Banners, etc.). The overarching goal of this step is to engage the visitor, start building the problem, and lead them deeper into the conversation. Keep in mind there is a sub-story surrounding step-level conversion goal (getting them to click the ad, etc.). Exposition Climax Resolution

Beginning (The Setup) Middle (The Confrontation) End (The Resolve)

ACT 1 ACT 2 ACT 3

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The Structure of a Story

Exposition Climax Resolution

Beginning (The Setup) Middle (The Confrontation) End (The Resolve)

ACT 1 ACT 2 ACT 3

The Rising Action: As it relates to conversion, the rising action is intensified mainly through the landing page. The overarching goal is to continue intensifying the problem and present your value as the unique solution. Keep in mind there is a sub-story surrounding step-level conversion goal (getting them to click the ad, etc.).

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The Structure of a Story

Exposition Climax Resolution

Beginning (The Setup) Middle (The Confrontation) End (The Resolve)

ACT 1 ACT 2 ACT 3

The Climax: As it relates to conversion, the climax happens at the point of decision for the main conversion objective (to buy, submit information, etc.). Most of the time this happens at the call-to-action on the landing page, where the rising action is at the highest intensity.

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The Structure of a Story

Exposition Climax Resolution

Beginning (The Setup) Middle (The Confrontation) End (The Resolve)

ACT 1 ACT 2 ACT 3

The Falling Action: As it relates to conversion, the falling action occurs after the conversion commitment has been made, and consists of all the steps that might be required to actualize the decision (filling out payment info, shipping info, etc.). The falling action might be virtually absent if the payoff on the conversion commitment is actualized immediately (free digital offers, etc.).

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The Structure of a Story

Exposition Climax Resolution

Beginning (The Setup) Middle (The Confrontation) End (The Resolve)

ACT 1 ACT 2 ACT 3

Thank you

The Resolution: As it relates to conversion, the resolution occurs when the visitor is aware

  • f and satisfied with the completion (or actualization) of the value exchange. The goal is to

reassure the visitor that the problem has been solved by their decision.

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Connecting to Copy

So, how does story help me write clear copy?

?

ANSWER: By knowing where each copy element falls in the “the story,” you can carefully craft each word, sentence and paragraph to specifically match the visitor’s thought sequence.

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What’s wrong with this page?

Example: Optimization Summit Copy

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What’s wrong with this page?

Example: Optimization Summit Copy

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Original Draft Optimized Final

Example: Optimization Summit Copy

Every piece of copy doesn’t have to be a masterpiece, but every piece of copy must be clear.

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Example: Campaign Results

20 40 60 80 100 120 140 160 180

# of Tickets Sold Projected Actual

What you need to understand: The optimized final landing page generated more than twice the amount of tickets than originally projected, eventually leading to a completely sold out event.

14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Weeks Out from the Event

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Example: Optimized Design

Let’s look at how understanding story helps us craft clear copy

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The Exposition (the set up)

  • On a landing page, there are two primary elements that should be

used to engage the visitor and set up the conversation: the headline and first paragraph.

Movie – Opening chase scene Web Page – Headline/First paragraph

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The Exposition (the set up)

The Headline

  • The role of a landing

page headline is to arrest the visitors attention and get them into the first paragraph.

  • Our testing suggests

two effective strategies:

  • 1. Making a Promise
  • 2. Identifying a Problem
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The First Paragraph

  • The goal of the first

paragraph is to get the visitor into the

  • conversation. You do

this by ensuring you answer three questions:

  • 1. Where am I?
  • 2. What can I do here?
  • 3. Why should I do it?
  • You must answer “what”

before answering “why.”

The Exposition (the set up)

IMPORTANT NOTE: You must achieve “story click” within the headline and first paragraphs

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Where’s the story click?

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Where’s the story click?

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The Rising Action

  • On a landing page, most of the page copy will serve to intensify the problem

and the solution. We do this with five copy elements: proofs, features, benefits, incentive, and urgency.

Movie – Intensifying Fight Scene Web Page – Body Copy

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The Rising Action

Proofs: Specific statements – usually quantified – that bring credibility to the value proposition. (e.g., “10,000 landing pages tested…”) Benefits: Specific statements that demonstrate how the main value will benefit the visitor’s current

  • situation. (e.g., “Optimize your

conversion processes…”) Features: Specific statements that provide the tangible details of the

  • ffer (e.g., “Attendees will receive

benchmarks and analysis from X…”)

Intensifiers

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The Rising Action

Incentive: An appealing element you introduce to stimulate a desired action (e.g., “All attendees will receive a copy of Bob Heyman’s new book…”) Urgency: An element of constraint you introduce to stimulate a desired action within a specific time-frame. (e.g., “reserve you ticket today and save $200”)

Intensifiers

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The Rising Action: Internal vs. external

IMPORTANT NOTE: All five of these copy elements can appeal to both the internal and external challenges and triumphs of the character.

Internal Story: External Story: The boss wants me to fix our metrics problems I’d like to advance my career Save the World Become a Jedi Master

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The Climax

  • On a landing page, the climax is the main call to action. The goal is to lead the

visitor to (and through) the pivotal decision.

Movie – Final Victory Web Page – Call to Action

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The Climax

  • Four questions to ask

yourself about your call- to-action (CTA):

  • 1. Is your CTA clearly visible?
  • 2. Does your CTA imply value,

immediacy, or urgency?

  • 3. Is the language of your CTA

positive or negative?

  • 4. Does your CTA ask or assume?
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Summary: Putting it all together

Exposition Rising Action

Proofs Benefits Features Incentive Urgency

Climax Overall, just like in a good story, each part of the copy must be properly sequenced to match the visitor’s natural flow of thought.

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Activity: Copywriting Worksheet

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A Strategy Writing Clear Copy

STEP 1: Get clear about your Value Proposition The value proposition is the substance; the copy is the form. It should not be the form that persuades, but the substance. So it should not be the copy style that does the persuading, but rather the value proposition. STEP 2: Follow a framework that matches the sequence of thought Copy becomes clearer the more tightly it is synchronized to the thought sequence of the recipient.

STEP 3: Avoid the 7 MOST COMMON MISTAKES of copywriting There are three critical steps to crafting clear, high-impact copy:

Key Principles

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Mistake #1: Headlines with no value

Not this But this Not this But this

103%

IN CONVERSION

81%

IN CONVERSION

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Mistake #2: Action-centric calls-to-action

Not this But this

69%

IN CONVERSION

103%

IN CONVERSION

201%

IN CONVERSION

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Mistake #3: Saying too much

Not this But this

78%

IN CONVERSION

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Mistake #4: Saying too little

Not this But this

31%

IN CONVERSION

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Mistake #5: Misplaced tone

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  • 1. The study and application of all that you learn, including
  • ur unique Conversion Index, will help you increase

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Certificate which you can add to your résumé and use to advance your career. Subject line: MarketingExperiments—A Porsche or a Corolla?

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Not this But this

29%

IN CONVERSION

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Mistake #6: Visual Intimidation

Not this But this

201%

IN CONVERSION

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Mistake #7: Disconnected images

Not this But this

Random stock image Product screenshots

59%

IN CONVERSION

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Summary

Key Principles

  • 1. When it comes to crafting effective copy, clarity trumps

persuasion.

  • 2. There are three steps to crafting clear and high-impact copy:

STEP 1: Get clear about your Value Proposition STEP 2: Follow a framework that matches the sequence of thought STEP 3: Avoid the 7 MOST COMMON MISTAKES of copywriting

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PART 3: Live Optimization

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Live Optimization

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Live Optimization

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Live Optimization

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  • Dr. Flint McGlaughlin

Managing Director (CEO) MECLABS

Clarity Trumps Persuasion: How ordinary marketers are learning to write high-impact copy

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Appendix A (Worksheet Case Study)

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Background: A leading software provider Goal: To increase total leads captured Primary research question: Which process will generate the most leads? Approach: Radical redesign of the complete lead-generation process focusing

  • n strengthening the communication of the value proposition

Experiment ID: (Protected) Location: MarketingExperiments Research Library Test Protocol Number: TP1214 Research Notes:

Experiment: Background

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{Keyword} Business Software Award-Winning Business Software. Fully Integrated. Free Trial www.XXXXXXXXXX.com/Business How would you optimize this PPC Ad?

Experiment: Original ad

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64

The optimized PPC ad obtained 21% more clicks. Business Software Suite #1 On-Demand. 6459+ World Clients Award-Winning Solution. Free Trial www.XXXXXXXXXX.com/Business {Keyword} Business Software Award-Winning Business Software. Fully Integrated. Free Trial www.XXXXXXXXXX.com/Business

Original Optimized

  • Original ad uses only vague

qualitative statements like “Award Winning” and “Fully integrated”.

  • The optimized uses specific

quantitative statements like “#1 On Demand” and “6459+ World Clients” to communicate the value.

Experiment: Before and after

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But we didn’t stop there… Business Software Suite #1 On-Demand. 6459+ World Clients Award-Winning Solution. Free Trial www.XXXXXXXXXX.com/Business

Experiment: Before and after

21%

IN CLICK-THROUGH

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Experiment: Original landing page

How would you

  • ptimize this

landing page?

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  • Again, this page uses vague

language to communicate the value and it is not connected to PPC ad.

  • Three competing objectives

and many navigation links leading off the page.

  • Long paragraphs that are

difficult to scan.

  • Main CTA’s are put in the

right-hand column out of the visitor’s main eye-path.

Experiment: Original landing page

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  • The optimized version uses

quantitative language similar to the optimized PPC ad.

  • Awards are shown prominently

with testimonials.

  • Paragraphs are broken up and

more digestible.

  • Navigation has been removed.
  • Three CTA’s have been reduced

to one and put in the main column.

Experiment: Optimized landing page

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The optimized landing page generated 54% more clicks.

Experiment: Results

Before After

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But we didn’t stop there…

Business Software Suite #1 On-Demand. 6459+ World Clients Award-Winning Solution. Free Trial www.XXXXXXXXXX.com/Business

Experiment: Results

21%

CLICK-THROUGH

54%

CLICK-THROUGH

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Experiment: Original form

How would you

  • ptimize this form

page?

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  • This page is emphasizing the

free trial aspect of the offer, however, any value other than that is gone. They have stopped trying to sell and assume that the customer is convinced.

  • Also, there is little

connection to either the landing page or PPC ad.

Experiment: Original form

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  • The optimized page

continues to communicate the value using quantitative language from the PPC and landing page.

  • Free trial is emphasized.
  • Testimonials have been

added.

  • Privacy policy has been

moved closer to the area of concern.

Experiment: Optimized form

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The optimized form page generated 97% more submissions.

Experiment: Before and after

Before After

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What was the compounding effect of the sequential gains?

Business Software Suite #1 On-Demand. 6459+ World Clients Award-Winning Solution. Free Trial www.XXXXXXXXXX.com/Business

Experiment: Original form

21%

CLICK-THROUGH

54%

CLICK-THROUGH

97%

FORM SUBMISSIONS

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76 Metric Control Treatment Relative Difference

PPC Advertisement

0.89% 1.08 20.9%

Landing Page Clickthrough

7.17% 11.06% 54.26%

Form Completion

15.84% 31.25% 97.27%

Impression-to-lead Conversion

.009% .033% 272.2%

272% Increase in Overall Conversion

The optimized path’s conversion rate increased by 272.2%

Experiment: Original form

What you need to understand: In this experiment, a 272% increase in conversion led to 268% more projected revenue and, when combined with the corresponding 66% reduction in cost-per-acquisition, the optimized path produced more than 4 times the monthly profit (302% increase).