Becoming Yourself to Become a Better Leader "The point is not - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
Becoming Yourself to Become a Better Leader "The point is not to become a leader. The point is to become yourself , to use yourself completely -- all your skills, gifts, and energies -- in order to make your vision manifest." - Warren
Becoming Yourself to Become a Better Leader
“Personal proficiency comes from knowing your predispositions, strengths, and weaknesses. It is about extracting important lessons from your life experiences and applying them with care, discernment, energy, courage, and
self-discipline -- a certain quality of mindfulness in going about the intertwined businesses of life and work."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC6p9yXdOjE leadershipcodebook.com – free assessment
Redefining What It Means To Be A Leader
Where reason & feeling collide!
Three Typical Responses:
First reaction always
emotional
Signals pass from cell to cell Enter brain at spinal cord Pass through limbic system
where emotions are produced
End at frontal lobe where
reason resides (our ability to think rationally)
Do you control your emotions? Or are your emotions controlling you?
36% 64% Able to ID their Emotions Controlled by their Emotions
how to read, write, report on bodies of knowledge, but lack the skills to manage our emotions!
Elated Glad Apologetic Apprehensive Upset Heartbroken Cheerful Sorrowful Terrified Furious Depressed Thrilled Insecure Guilty Bashful Lost Cautious Perturbed Unhappy Timid Anxious Passionate Frustrated Irate Silly Hopeless Tender Nervous
Intelligence: Your ability to learn - this is the same
at 15 or 50
Personality: Your personal style & preferences –
this does NOT change either
Your ability to recognize and understand
emotions in yourself and others, and
Your ability to use this awareness to manage
your behavior and relationships.
What I See What I Do Personal Competence Self- Awareness Self- Management Social Competence Social Awareness Relationship Management
Stress Tolerance Anger Management Trust Time Management Assertiveness Empathy Presentation Skills Social Skills Accountability Flexibility Customer Service Communication Change Tolerance Decision Making
EQ
90% of high performers have high levels of EQ. Only 20% of low performers have high levels of EQ.
Take a self-test to measure your current EQ. Pick an EQ skill to work on. Pick 3 strategies to begin using for your skill. Choose an EQ mentor. Measure your progress. Keep the following in mind:
Expect success, not perfection. Practice, practice, practice. Be patient.
1.
Quit treating your feelings as good or bad
2.
Observe the ripple effect from your emotions
3.
Lean into your discomfort
4.
Feel your emotions physically
5.
Know who and what pushes your buttons
6.
Watch yourself like a hawk
7.
Keep a journal about your emotions
8.
Don’t be fooled by a bad mood
9.
Don’t be fooled by a good mood either
11.
Visit your values
1.
Breathe right
2.
Create an emotion vs. reason list
3.
Make your goals public
4.
Count to 10
5.
Sleep on it
6.
Talk to a skilled self-manager
7.
Smile and laugh more
8.
Set aside some time in your day for problem solving
9.
Take control of your self-talk
11.
Clean up your sleep hygiene
limitations
13.
Stay synchronized
15.
Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter
17.
Accept that change is just around the corner
1.
Greet people by name
2.
Watch body language
3.
Make timing everything
4.
Develop a back-pocket question
5.
Don’t take notes at meetings
6.
Plan ahead for social gatherings
7.
Clear away the clutter
8.
Live in the moment
9.
Go on a 15-minute tour
1.
Be open and curious
2.
Enhance your natural communication style
3.
Avoid giving mixed signals
4.
Remember the little things that pack a punch
5.
Take feedback well
6.
Build trust
7.
Have an “open-door” policy
8.
Only get mad on purpose
9.
Don’t avoid the inevitable
11.
Complement the persons emotions or situation
1.
Start with agreement.
2.
Ask the person to help you understand his/her story.
3.
Resist the urge to plan a comeback.
4.
Help the other person understand your story too – communicate clearly.
5.
Move the conversation forward – what are the next steps?
6.
Keep in touch.
Stress causes increased heart
rate, pupils dilation, digestion shut down, and sends blood to
tension creates anxiety.
We respond to many situations
as if they are life-threatening when they are not – but still triggers response. Registers in the body as a danger reaction -
“fight, flight, or freeze” response
We need to become aware of our stressors
and how our bodies react.
Learn the “relaxation response” - deep
abdominal breathing, quietly sitting, calm movement, progressive muscle relaxation, (art, music, meditation, visualization help) https://insighttimer.com/ - Meditation App
Practice mindfulness – a calming tool that
helps us improve our ability to pay attention to the present moment without judgment. http://elishagoldstein.com/videos/breath-as-an- anchor/
Wear it for a day and find out who or what is causing you stress.
RELAXED CALM ALERT TENSE ANXIOUS STRESS STRESSED
Three Things You Can Do to Reduce Stress:
deeply right down to your waist.
and relax different muscles throughout the body one by one (head, neck, shoulders, abdomen, etc.)
relaxing spot being warmed by the sun.
"Life only demands from you the strength that you
"To be or not to be...that is NOT the question."
The Defector Savior/Problem Solver The Hermit The True Leader
Encourages leaders to focus first on their own integrity
and on the nature of their own presence rather than through techniques for motivating and manipulating
Leadership is essentially an emotional process rather
than a cognitive phenomenon.
Dysfunctional institutions always have at the top a highly
anxious risk-avoider (peace-monger) who is more concerned with good feelings than with progress.
So, single factor distinguishing healthy organizations . . .
Is able to regulate his or her own anxiety Knows where s/he ends and another begins Stays connected to others without losing identity or taking
Takes a well-defined stand even when followers disagree,
while remaining connected to others
Tolerates other people’s discomfort because this
encourages them to take personal responsibility
Knows that sabotage means you are doing the right thing.
A non-anxious response defines the effective leader. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdcljNV-Ew
Personal maturity and integrity are the central factors in
leadership, not management technique, expertise, or control tactics.
A leader too concerned about consensus and harmony
will more likely enable and release destructive forces and processes in an organization.
The leader is responsible for his or her position, not for
the whole congregation or organization.
An organization functions best to the extent its leaders
are self-differentiated.
The way a leader helps an organization MOST is by
affecting integrity, promoting personal responsibility, and discouraging dependence.
Quick online quiz: http://www.ihhp.com/quiz.php Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than
IQ – Daniel Goleman, http://danielgoleman.info/
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 – Travis Bradberry & Jean
Greaves, www.talentsmart.com
Building Emotional Intelligence: Techniques to
Cultivate Inner Strength in Children – Linda Lantieri, http://www.lindalantieri.org/
About Emotions & Emotional Intelligence:
http://www.socialresearchmethods.net/Gallery/Young /emotion.htm
EQI.org: http://eqi.org/
Perspectives on Congregational Leadership: Applying
Systems Thinking for Effective Leadership – Israel Galindo
Extraordinary Leadership – Roberta M. Gilbert, M.D. Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times – Peter L.
Steinke
Heart, Mind, and Strength: Theory and Practice for
Congregational Leadership – Jeffrey D. Jones
The Calling of Congregational Leadership: Being,
Knowing, Doing Ministry – Larry L. McSwain
A Failure of Nerve – Edwin H. Friedman
The time will come when, with elation, You will greet yourself, arriving at your own door, In your own mirror, and each will smile at the other’s welcome, And say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was yourself. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself. To the stranger who has loved you all your life, Whom you ignored for another, Who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, The photographs, the desperate notes, Peel your own image from the mirror.
List 5 roles in which you've exercised leadership. Then, for each role, list things you do/did well in that
role (to exercise leadership) and things you wish you could do over (or needs work).
Get in triads - what do you notice about your lists?
Share a bit. (Often, there is a pattern for things done well and things needing work - same? similar? similar skills? What stands out?)