1. Coping with Bad News 1 Gemara Brachos – 54a ביטמהו בוטה ךורב רמוא תובוט תורושב לע 2 תמאה ןייד ךורב רמוא תוער תורושב לע When receiving good news we say, Chofetz Chaim The Torah does not prohibit crying. “ “Baruch HaTov VeHameitiv.” When receiving bad news we say, הער איהש הפורת לע רמול ןכתי אלש םשכש “Baruch Dayan HaEmes.” אוהש בצמ לע רמול ןיא ןכ … הרמ איהש קר רמ אוהש םא יכ ער I was very Just like you can’t say a medication is bad, only that it is bitter, so too a situation can never be angry. I called bad, only bitter. stopped 3 Ramban - Devarim 14:1 saying ולא יאסר הכתוב הבכי blessings. ” 4 Devarim – 14:1 I stopped praying. םכיקלא ' הל םתא םינב You are sons to Hashem your G-d. Ibn Ezra לכ יכ … ןבל באהמ רתוי םכתא בהוא אוהו If we hear that someone was hurt, should we think that it אוה בוטל השעי רשא was all for the best... or is this only for personal events, He loves you more than a father loves his son…. and all that He does is for the good. when things happen to US?
Coping with Bad News Summary: Biography: Sometimes things happen in life that are not so pleasant. How Rabbi Abraham ben Meir Ibn Ezra is usually called should we react to them? We are obligated to bless Hashem for the simply “Ibn Ezra.” His adventurous life began in Tudela, bad as well as the good. Not only that, but both blessings must be Spain around the year 1092. He was a master of Torah, poetry, philosophy, Jewish grammar, astronomy and made with a similar full acceptance of Hashem’s will, with no resent- mathematics. ment! Dovid Hamelech excelled in this middah. He spent the first half of his life in various cities in the Arabic part of Spain, always in financial difficultY. The Ramban explains that this does not mean that you are not In one of his poems he makes fun of his ill fortune and allowed to cry when sad things happen. You can be sad and still un- complains that “if he were to sell candles, the sun would derstand that Hashem is doing this for your good. Like the Chofetz never set; if he would deal in shrouds, no one would ever die.” Chaim said, “Just like you can’t say a medication is bad, only that it is bitter, so too a situation can never be called bad, only bitter.” He spent the second half of his life traveling from country to country, including: Africa, Egypt, Eretz Yisroel, Babylon, Persia, Italy, France and England. He died in To accomplish this, you need to understand that Hashem loves you Spain at about seventy-five years of age. like a father. All that He does is truly in your best interest, even when it is hard. In Olam Haba, we will be shown how everything that happened was really for our good.
2. Talking to Hashem 1 Chofetz Chaim – Likutei Amarim 10 3 Gemara Taanis - 9a הרשע הנומשה ללפתמש המב םדאה קפתסי אלו ךירצ םויב םימעפ המכ אלא ,םוי לכב םימעפ ‘ ג אוה ךורב שודקהל הייוסנל ירש ימו “ אוהשכ ומצע ןיבל וניב תושקבו תולפת ךופשל ' ה תא וסנת אל ביתכהו אבילד אקמועמ ותיבב Are you allowed to test Hashem? A person should not be satisfjed with the Shmoneh [Of course you can’t]. The pasuk states, Esreh that he prays three times a day. Rather, many “Do not test Hashem.” I was over- times a day he must pray and beseech [Hashem] privately at home, from the depths of his heart. come with 4 Vayikra Rabbah – 10:3 emotion, 2 Gra – Ishei Israel בותכה ובביחש הכז ,ותקיתש לע לביק רכש המ and I said ומצע ינפב רבידה וילע דחייו ודבאי אלש םהל ןעשמ אוה םתלאש אובי םדוק to Hashem, What reward did [Aharon] receive for his ךרבתי וב םנוחטב silence [when he accepted the tragedy of his Even before you get the answer ‘Help me sons’ death]? He merited that the verse to your request, Hashem is there to provide cherished him and Hashem spoke to ” out, cure my a support for you, so that you never lose him directly! your faith. child...’ “Hashem wants us to ask him to help us feel his presence in our lives. Try it! The results can be surprising”
Talking to Hashem Summary: Biography: The Chofetz Chaim taught us that we must daven to Hashem in Rabbi Eliyahu Kramer (1720-1797) was known to all as the the Vilna Gaon, or the Gra, for short. The word our own words, outside of the regular prayers, to ask Him for what “gaon” means genius and this title fit him perfectly. His we need. We should make the conversations personal. Sometimes, intelligence was apparent from a young age; at seven he Hashem will talk back to us, and send us messages, like the Gra gave his first shiur. explained, and just like in the video. It may not be the answer you The study of Torah was of paramount importance to the were hoping for, it may just be a hug from Hashem to remind you Gaon. His diligence in learning is legendary. The Gaon’s son that He is with you. Yosef received such a hug on his way to Egypt. testified that for fifty years his father did not sleep for more than two hours a day. His breadth of knowledge was amazing. He was capable of saying from memory, the num- Don’t make deals about this with Hashem. The Gemara stresses ber of times any Rabbi was mentioned in any particular that we are not allowed to test Hashem. We are just asking Him for masechta. His righteousness and kindness was legendary. Despite his personal poverty, he always gave twenty what we need, and sometimes we might get a sign. percent of his income to charity. Accepting Hashem’s decree even when it’s hard is a great way to The Gaon studied in isolation for forty years. From that point on, he began to take in students merit a kiss from Hashem! The Medrash teaches us that if you can from the outstanding Torah scholars of that master the lesson of the first slide, and you recognize that even time. One of the most famous of the Gaon’s when something bad happens, it’s from Hashem and for your good, students was Rabbi Chaim of Volozhin, founder of the Volozhiner Yeshiva. you may get a clear message from Hashem, just like Aharon did.
learn to Begin to cope Converse Try and implement this new type of prayer. Once a day, When sad things happen, either to us or to other outside of the normal framework of prayer, try to turn to people, it’s hard to remember that somehow, it’s for the Hashem and tell Him something. It doesn’t have to be long best. The next time that you hear about something sad, conversation, and it doesn’t have to be a request. It can be take a moment and think about it. Remember that it’s something that you need, or it can be something for which from Hashem, our Father who loves us, and it is for the you just want to thank you. The main thing is to use your own best, even if you can’t see how. words and be honest about it. Ideally, try and get some time alone so that you can actually say the words aloud. Hashem talks back to us. The messages that we get Hashem is your Father and you are His child. This is from Him are sprinkled throughout our lives. Any little often hard to relate to, but we have a practice model in thing can be a wink from Hashem, reminding us that every day life: our parents! For the next week, once a He is with us. If something goes well for you today or day, when your parent does something for you, try and just makes you happy, try and stop for a moment and remember that Hashem is also your Father, and He think about the fact that this was a gift from Hashem. loves you just like a parent.
Challenge Yourself! 1) When you hear good news, what bracha do you make? What about bad news? Why don’t we make the same bracha? 2) Who will lead the bentching when Mashiach comes? Why? 3) Are you allowed to cry when sad things happen? Why? 4) How many times a day should you daven? 5) What was Aharon’s reward for accepting his sons’ deaths?
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