PORN . . . Shhh Vauna Davis, MA, Utah Coalition Against Pornography - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

PORN . . . Shhh

Vauna Davis, MA, Utah Coalition Against Pornography and Reach 10

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SHAME

Shame derives it’s power from being unspeakable. Brene Brown

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SHAME

Shame derives it’s power from being unspeakable. Brene Brown

• 1. We are aware of social norms
• 2. We believe others will judge us
• 3. We internalize that judgment

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SHAME

Shame derives it’s power from being unspeakable. Brene Brown

• 1. We are aware of social norms
• 2. We believe others will judge us
• 3. We internalize that judgment

Shame is a soul-eating emotion.

Carl Jung

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I don’t know enough 1 It could be awkward 3 I don’t know the words to say 4 It’s hard to talk about sexual issues 5 Can I trust them with confidences? 6 It might harm our relationship 7 They might think I am controlling 8 I don’t know how they will respond 9 I will do anything to avoid shame 10 Someone might be annoyed 2

Shhh

When a topic is taboo, there are powerful social norms that keep people from speaking. Joseph Grenny

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HUMAN CONNECTION IS THE GREATEST CASUALTY OF PORN

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HUMAN CONNECTION IS THE GREATEST REMEDY FOR PORN

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It wasn’t your fault.

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But now it is your responsibility.

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DISCLOSURE

Being truthful frees up energy previously used to maintain secrets. Rory Reid

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RESPONDING WELL

Acknowledge

I’m sorry you are going th through th this is. I know it’s common and lo lots ts of f people le are str trugg gglin ling. Help lp me understand what it’s been like for you.

Ask

Have you been able le to fin find help lp? Who is is help lpin ing and how oft ften do you reach out t to th them? Would ld you li like help lp fin findin ing reso sources? What is is your r recovery ry pla lan and how is is it it work rkin ing for r you?

Assist Appropriately

How can I I help lp? Let’s plan when to follow up.

Appreciate

Th Thank you for r tell llin ing me. I’m proud of you for talking. Your are doing ing th the rig right th thin ing by sp speakin ing up. Your honesty build ilds my tr trust in in you.

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I have a responsibility to change the damaging culture of silence by speaking up. I show I care by speaking up even at the risk of my own of discomfort. When I speak up I give permission and inspiration to others to do the same. I start a positive chain reaction. No one should feel alone in their struggles. My friend might appreciate me reaching out. If I don’t speak up, who will? I don’t have to know everything – just caring enough to talk helps. Learning to talk will help me build happy, honest, trusting relationships through my whole life. Everyone is worthy of human connection.

WHAT’S YOUR MOTIVATION?

To overcome silence we need more powerful beliefs in place.

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Listen, talk, check in 1 Remind them of their good qualities 3 Follow up – how is it going since the last time you talked? 4 Encourage working with an accountability partner 5 Encourage using all the resources available 6 Keep your boundaries, it helps both of you 7 Don’t protect them from the consequences

• f their

actions 8 Recognize your limits 9 Be patient 10 Send kindness their way 2

How Can I Help Someone?

79% of teens and young adults who want to stop using porn have no one in their life helping them.

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ACCOUNTABILITY

Accountability turns pain into peace.

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WHEN TO TALK

Too early? A little late? Just right.

You truly care about each other. You trust each other to be sensitive, kind, and respectful. You are talking about other significant personal issues. You are together exclusively. You might be thinking about becoming engaged or married, but are not engaged yet. Of course it’s never too late to start!

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Share your love, respect, and faith in your friend.

I have something

I want to share with you

HOW TO START

Why do we think it’s harder to talk about pornography than live with the consequences of not talking?

Be up-front about your worries. Share a personal experience. Build on a news story

• r other

media.

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Attitudes Experiences Plans

WHAT TO TALK ABOUT

Don't assault people with the truth. Speak with empathy or they won't hear you anyway. Todd Henry

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SOBRIETY = RECOVERY

Porn recovery is not for a few addicted people. It is for a world that has been pornified. Fr. Sean Kilcawley

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SOBRIETY = Not looking RECOVERY = Not looking + healthy

stress responses + connection + humility & honesty + a plan + skills + accountability + spiritual healing + healthy living for a lifetime

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Capitalist Slides Spiritual Advisor Qualified Counselor 12-Step or Group Therapy Education

RESOURCES FOR RECOVERY

Most successful people use these four resources.

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Stay 1 Wait 3 Maybe Later 4 Go 2

DECISIONS

An addiction is something used to fill a void a relationship is meant to fill. Sean McDowell

?

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Listen, talk, check in 1 Remind them of their good qualities 3 Follow up – how is it going since the last time you talked? 4 Encourage working with an accountability partner 5 Encourage using all the resources available 6 Keep your boundaries, it helps both of you 7 Don’t protect them from the consequences

• f their

actions 8 Recognize your limits 9 Be patient 10 Send kindness their way 2

How Can I Help Someone?

79% of teens and young adults who want to stop using porn have no one in their life helping them.

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SURRENDER

We cannot control whether our loved one gets in recovery or not. We can learn to be happy and healthy whether they choose recovery or not.

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BOUNDARIES

reach10.org

vauna@reach10.org

utahcoalition.org

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Look for

• pportunities to

speak up & help others while keeping safe.

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HEALTHY LIVING FOR A LIFETIME

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HEALTHY LIVING FOR A LIFETIME

SEXUAL

Expressing sexuality in a safe, healthy, respectful and relationship-building way

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