Paper delivered at PACFA Conference, September 10, 2016 Title: Transformative stories of self in relationship with God and other Presenter: Ruth Thorne, BSc., M. Couns., PhD I would like to welcome you to this presentation, on stories of people who have been transformed through relationship. It is a great pleasure to be placed in the program alongside my previous dean and mentor in narrative therapy – Dr Irene Alexander. The self – the structural notion of fixed essential, core self dominated psychology and pervaded popular thinking in the 20 th century, to the degree that most people now take for granted a range of notions based on these assumptions. 1. People have a “self” that can be explored, and interpreted 2. People have “strengths and resources” which they can “dig deep” and access 3. People can wear masks that hide the “true” self, and 4. People have internal states that can be observed and interpreted – like unconscious drives and motivations. These now “taken for granted” notions of the structural self are in contrast to the poststructural notion of the self that I became aware of through my studies first in narrative therapy. The sociologist Gergen (2009) penned these words, “Through [a process of interaction with others – what he termed co-action] we come into being as individual entities, but the process remains forever incomplete” (p. 44). Bakhtin, 1930s Russian philosopher wrote, "We are direct contributors to each other's identity" (p. . As Gergen (2009) pointed out, even the use of the term “self” suggest something “bounded”, something “static and enduring” (p. xxvi). Language is a limitation when speaking of such intangibles, and whether we think of self, identity, or being, there are limitations. We shall use the term “self” for the purposes of today’s presentation.
The self posited by poststructural writers such as philosopher Foucault (see Besley, 2002), Russian philosopher Bakhtin (see Hermans & Dimaggio, 2007) and sociologist Gergen (2009, 2011) is: 1. A fluid dialogic self, or multiple selves, capable of change 2. A multi-storied self 3. An intentional self, and 4. A self constructed by those around them, - those who influence them. When we think about the self being constructed by those around them, I would like to take a moment to consider someone who has shaped or influenced your life - for the better. This may be a parent, a sibling, a friend, a mentor, or perhaps you have been shaped in some way through relationship with God. I mentioned, for example, as I began, that Irene Alexander is someone who has mentored me as a budding narrative therapist. In her position as dean of Social Sciences at CHC, she was influential in encouraging me to consider narrative therapy, and when I began my PhD, Irene met with me and helped me shape my research question, and then as member of my academic panel, helped shaped my research and thinking. Narrative therapy founder Michael White used to say – and I rely here on oral tradition, that “we are other than who we were” because of relationship with others. In a moment, I would like to invite you to stand and find someone who you have not yet met, or don’t know well in this room, and in pairs, share with them, a brief account of how you are “other than who you were”, through relationship with another person. I know you came expecting to hear stories from my research, and I promise they will follow. This is an exercise done best standing, so I invite you now to stand, find someone you don’t know well, and in pairs, share one story of change through relationship with another. [Thank you. I would like to invite you to resume your seats now.]
The poststructural, constructed self is a notion that appealed to me, because it fit with my own experience, and the experience of the lives of many of those whom I had prayed for, counselled and pastorally cared for. I became increasingly intrigued by this notion, and then the question arose for me: If the self is socially constructed, and a person of Christian faith, I have a “personal relationship with God”, then surely my “self” is socially, or as I prefer to phrase it “relationally constructed” through my relationship with God. Fast forward, and this thinking process developed into research questions, a review of the literature, some research planning with a skilful supervisor Dr Eric Marx, and eventually the privilege for me to interview 20 people of Christian faith in the Brisbane region of Queensland, who shared their stories with me, through semi-structured interviews, as to how their relationship with God had influenced, transformed, constructed, or changed their lives. I also interviewed these people about the transformative relationship that they had with another person who had been or was significant in their life. From these interviews, through a process called narrative analysis, I developed stories for each, based on the material from the interviews (see Thorne, 2014). These stories were shared with the participants, who were offered the opportunity to edit the stories, which some did. The stories told here are their stories, and I want to honour them for sharing them with you. They have given permission for this, and pseudonyms have been used in place of their real names. I would like to now read to you three “other stories” – or story of relationship with another significant person in their life, and then three “God stories” - stories of transformation through relationship with God. As I share these stories, I encourage you to continue to reflect on the significant people in your life, people who have made you – transformed you - into the person you are today, whether a parent, sibling, friend, mentor, or God himself. We have all been touched by relationship, touched, moved, and transformed. We have become “other than who we were”.
Now I would like to share with you some stories of transformation through relationship with other. The first one is Lily’s story, entitled appreciated as a woman. I grew up sheltered and naive, so it took a long time for me to realize I was in an abusive relationship with my first husband. I suffered a breakdown after I left him, and for a long time I could only manage one day at a time, barely functioning as I cared for my boys. I remember clearly doing a little counselling and a lot of soul searching to work out how I got to that situation. I realized I had grown up avoiding conflict, and repressing my own needs and wants. I couldn’t make decisions on my own or stand up for myself. I met Charles about two years ago in an art class for the homeless. He is patient, gentle, perceptive and intelligent. We have discussions about religion and history, and philosophy, which we find stimulating to talk about. Charles thinks that I’m caring, and likes that I have brains. He appreciates all the little things I do around the house, and for some reason I don’t understand, he thinks I’m beautiful. He appreciates me as a woman , something I definitely missed, and I know I am treasured, which is lovely. In this relationship I feel special for who I am, not just the role I play. There’s a freedom knowing there is acceptance and no judgment, and we have open dialogue. The difference it makes is that I always know that there’s someone always by my side, being that support in the midst of everything else, and someone I can talk with about things. Because of this, I have confidence to face life. Charles is who he is, and I’m who I am, and we can walk together hand in hand through life, mutually supporting each other, without having to demand change, or insist on our own way. So it’s a mutual, beneficial thing. The benefit for him is a sense of belonging and commitment. There is a commitment to honesty, acceptance and a willingness to be emotionally available to each other, and making the choice to believe the best about each other. I have a best friend for life. I pinch myself every day that it is a reality. Having someone to love and to appreciate me has changed me. The next story is Patricia’s, entitled he holds a mirror to my soul. My self has changed dramatically. I used to be much less secure. I mirrored my persona on other people, and created a pseudo-self, which I thought would be
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