Mindful Self- Compassion & The Coaching Process One Heart Coaching, LLC
Outline of Presentation 1. What is Self-Compassion 2. What Self-Compassion is Not 3. Physiology of Self-Compassion 4. Yin & Yang of Self-Compassion 5. Presence & Mindfulness 6. Self-Compassion and Goals 7. Letting Go Of Resistance 8. Compassion & Coaching Process One Heart Coaching, LLC
What is Self-Compassion Mindfulness Self Kindness Common Humanity “Loving Connected Presence” One Heart Coaching, LLC
STAGES OF SELF-COMPASSION (Doubts about the ability to be self- compassionate? Good sign! Making progress!) • STRIVING • DISILLUSIONMENT • RADICAL ACCEPTANCE (Refinement of Intention) “COMPASSIONATE DISORDER” One Heart Coaching, LLC
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? NOW HEART CONNECT One Heart Coaching, LLC
What Self-Compassion Is Not ▪ Pity Party ▪ For Wimps ▪ Selfish ▪ Lazy ▪ Making excuses ▪ Goal to be Achieved ▪ Accepted by Society In General One Heart Coaching, LLC
The Physiology Of Self- Compassion Inner Critic: Reptilian Brain (Fight , Flight, Freeze) & Amygdala Threat to Self Image Evolutionary process to Mammalian Care System (Oxytocin activated & Endorphins) Presence & integration of brain* Gentle Touch SoothingVoice * Dan Siegel M.D. Aware: The Science & Practice of Presence One Heart Coaching, LLC
Physiology (continued) Stress Response: Inner Stress Self-Compassion Fight Self-Criticism Self- Kindness Flight Isolation Common Humanity Freeze Rumination Mindfulness & Presence “Our task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that have been built against it ” RUMI One Heart Coaching, LLC
The Yin & Yang Of Self-Compassion Yin: “Being with” ourselves in a compassionate way Comforting- Self-Compassion Break! Soothing- Soothing Touch Validating- Labeling Emotions One Heart Coaching, LLC
Yang of Self-Compassion Yang- “Acting” In the World Protecting- Fierce Compassion Feeling the Soles Of Feet With Equanimity Providing- Fulfil our Emotional Needs Meeting Unmet Needs Motivating- Finding Your Compassionate Voice Living with a Vow Compassionate Letter to Self One Heart Coaching, LLC
Presence & Mindfulness Foundation For Self-Compassion: Becoming Curious & Friendly with the Present Moment. Sense Perceptions Inner Body No Adequate Definition of Mindfulness- Non Conceptual: Bridge into Non judgmental awareness in the Present Moment with Radical Acceptance. Gateway To “Being” One Heart Coaching, LLC
Mindfulness & Goals Goals: Big Part Of Life Benefits: Determine Direction Increase Motivation Build Self-Efficacy Enhance Focus Pitfalls: An excess focus on goals can have a paradoxical effect: Rather than getting closer to the goal, we find ourselves moving away from it. One Heart Coaching, LLC
GOAL RELATED PITFALLS: Focus attention in the Now Future NOW One Heart Coaching, LLC
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS Less attention in the Now Future Now One Heart Coaching, LLC
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS Shadow- Fear & Worry A lot of attention for goals means that we spend a great amount of time in our head: thinking. One Heart Coaching, LLC
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS Fear and Worry Neutral/positive thoughts: ✓ “what is on my to-do list?” ✓ “if I manage to…I can…” ✓ “when shall I finish…?” One Heart Coaching, LLC
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS Shadow- Fear and Worry Negative thoughts: ✓ “What if I don’t succeed?” ✓ “I am not sure if everything will work out fine.” ✓ “I cannot permit myself to fail.” One Heart Coaching, LLC
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS NON-ALIGNMENT Many goals are set because we believe that achieving them will make us happier One Heart Coaching, LLC
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS The Future that Never Arrives ▪ overestimating the anticipated impact of future events (impact bias) ▪ we get used to what we achieve (hedonic adaption) ▪ short-lived happiness One Heart Coaching, LLC
. MINDFULNESS & GOALS INTEGRATION ▪ undivided attention for the action in this moment ▪ less frustrated by gap between now and goal ▪ less distracted by (negative) thoughts One Heart Coaching, LLC
LETTING GO OF RESISTANCE (This shouldn’t be happening) ▪ FEAR = False Expectations Appearing Real ▪ fear = the thought we are not going to have something we think we need ▪ you can never win from fearful thoughts Backdraft- old pain that may arise when we give ourselves self-compassion. When we open the door to our heart- the fresh air of compassion comes in and the old pain and Fear is likely to come out. (This is Expected & The Beginning of Healing.) One Heart Coaching, LLC
MINDFULNESS & GOALS LETTING GO OF RESISTANCE ▪ fear = a thought about the future = no reality/truth ▪ recognize fear and turn back to the present moment One Heart Coaching, LLC
. MINDFULNESS & GOALS More Gratitude ▪ pay attention to what is VS always looking ahead ▪ satisfaction in the now VS goal attainment satisfaction ▪ more attention for the way to the goal: easier to see what life has to offer One Heart Coaching, LLC
ONENESS MINDFUL SELF-COMPASSION PRESENCE LOVING KINDNESS COMMON HUMANITY One Heart Coaching, LLC
Self-Compassion & Coaching Process Integrating and naming practice Requests Accountability One Heart Coaching, LLC
Thank You! References: Kristin Neff Ph.D. & Christopher Germer Ph.D, The Mindful Self- Compassion Workbook Contact Information: One Heart Coaching, LLC George Marino, CPC (212) 714-3561 george@oneheartcoach.com www.oneheartcoach.com One Heart Coaching, LLC
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