KNOW YOURSELF TO GROW YOURSELF S E L F AWA R E N E S S F O R P - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

KNOW YOURSELF TO GROW YOURSELF

S E L F AWA R E N E S S F O R P O S I T I V E G R OW T H A N D R E L AT I O N S H I P S

WHY SELF AWARENESS?

IMPORTANCE OF SELF ACCEPTANCE

• From acceptance comes transformation

Its not my fault. They did this / The situation was like this….. So what if I did that. That was the best I could do. This is who I am Hmm… I do interrupt people while they talk. I will be more watchful next time

P E R S O N A L I T Y P L U S

Lets look at the 4 personality types and identify

• ur strengths and

weaknesses.

POPULAR SANGUINE

POPULAR SANGUINE

Appealing personality Talkative, storyteller Forgetful nature “Life is for partying” Holds the attention of the listener Good on stage Innocent Curious Love to volunteer Creative and colorful Inspires and charms

• thers

Makes friends easily/compas sionate God given ability to live in the present

Love to be with people

Basic Desire: Fun

Restless Weak Willed

PROBLEMS THEY FACE

Tendency to talk too much

• Talk half as

much

• Watch for

signs of boredom

• Condense

your comments

• Stop

exaggerating Tendency to be self-centered

• Be sensitive

to other people’s interest

• Learn to

listen Have uncultivated memories

• Pay attention

to names and those with you

• Write things

down Interrupt and answer for

• thers
• Don’t

consider yourself to be appointed by God as the

• fficial gap

filler of life Tendency to be disorganized and immature

• Pull your life

together

• Grow up

MUST: Learn self-control Become organized

POWERFUL CHOLERIC

POWERFUL CHOLERIC

Basic Desire: Control

Talker / बलवान - Achiever Golden rule to get along with बलवान: do it my way now. बलवान is

• ptimistic with

good planning बलवान is goal and action-oriented

This is a dynamic person who dreams the impossible and aims to reach the unreachable.

POWERFUL CHOLERIC

Born leader

Compulsive need for change Strong-willed and decisive. Goal-

• riented

Organizes well Knows the art of delegation Thrives on

• pposition

Has little need for friends Is usually right Excels in emergencies Optimistic

Basic Desire: Control

बलवान finds it difficult to accept their mistake (Mr/Ms. No Fault)

If बलवान acknowledges that their nature is abrasive, they can transform themselves because they are strong willed

PROBLEMS THEY FACE

A workaholic who believes that life is meant for constant achievements and production

• Learn to relax
• Take pressure off
• thers
• Plan leisure

activities बलवान must be in control

• Respond to other’s

leadership

• Let others make

decisions and

• rganize events
• Give up the attitude
• f being superior
• Stop manipulating

बलवान struggles while dealing with people

• Practice patience
• Refrain from

advising until asked

• Mellow down
• Reduce arguing and

causing trouble बलवान wants to be right even if it means being unpopular

• Let someone else

be right

• Learn to apologize
• Admit that you have

some faults

MUST: Develop humility

Become sensitive

PERFECT MELANCHOLY

PERFECT MELANCHOLY

Basic Desire: Perfection

Right from their childhood, the ववचारवान are deep thinkers, quiet and

• demanding. They like to

be alone. Not after excitement but care for the best plan for life

Richest of all temperaments, the ववचारवान is analytical, self-sacrificing, talented and perfectionist type with very sensitive, emotional nature. Of all the four types, the ववचारवान is the most fond of fine arts.

PERFECT MELANCHOLY

Basic Desire: Perfection

Deep, thoughtful and analytical Serious and purposeful Intellectually genius Talented and creative Fond of lists, charts, graphs and figures Conscious of details Orderly and

• rganized

Perfectionist with high standards

Motto of life: “If something is worth doing, it is worth doing it right”

Economical Deep concern and compassion Seeks ideal mate Richest of all temperaments, the ववचारवान is analytical, self-sacrificing, talented and perfectionist type with very sensitive, emotional nature. Of all the four types, the ववचारवान is the most fond of fine arts.

A combination of contrasts with High highs and Low lows)

PROBLEMS THEY FACE

Tendency to get easily depressed

• Realize that no
• ne likes

gloomy people

• Do not keep

searching for the problems (which arise from expecting too much from life, themselves and others)

• Don’t get hurt

so easily since “hurting people can hurt

• thers”
• Look for the

positives Tendency to low self-image

• Search out the

source of insecurities

• Listen for

evidence of false humility Tendency to procrastinate

• Spend less time

in planning and more time in acting Tendency to put unrealistic demands on

• thers
• Relax your

standards, not everything in life can be perfect. Tendency to be revengeful or hold grudges

• Forget and

forgive… Life is too short to hold grudges MUST: Develop a Positive Attitude Become cheerful and grateful

PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC

PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC

Basic Desire: Peace

Can become a `buffer’ for

• thers

Is a `great leveler’ for others Is very easy to get along with Is closest to becoming a balanced person Does not take part in extremes and excesses Is a learned leader Is never pushy Is always peaceful, less angry, logical, never impulsive, reliable, loyal and patient Can become a good arbitrator and mediator Is a redeemer Attracts others by his/her humility and gentleness Is easygoing Is calm, cool and collected Is patient, well- balanced Is realistic owing to a pessimistic nature Has administrative ability Is a good listener

PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC

Basic Desire: Peace

• Has low key strengths and low key weaknesses.
• Hides his/her ‘good’ and ‘bad’.
• Greatest strength is the lack of other types’

weaknesses

• Unenthusiastic, worries silently and tends not to take

strong decisions

PROBLEMS THEY FACE

Is not exciting

• Try to get excited

T ends to be stubbornly resistant to changes

• Motivate yourself

to change T ends to be lazy and lacking courage, tends to take the path of least resistance, running away from controversies

• Learn to accept

responsibility of your life

• Don’t put off until

tomorrow, what you can do today

• Motivate yourself

T endency not to

• pen up easily
• Learn to

communicate feelings T endency to be wishy-washy and indecisive

• In the following

sense: (a) change decision based on “people pleasing”, in order to protect image (b) unwillingness to pay the price in terms of money, time and hard work.

• Practice making

decisions

MUST: Become Courageous Take Action

OVERCOMING CORE WEAKNESSES

WHAT IS AN IRRATIONAL BELIEF

• The word “belief” means a conviction in the truth, actuality, or

validity of something. So a belief is a thought with an emotional component (conviction) and a factual component (truth, actuality

• r validity). Beliefs can be either positive or negative. Having a

negative belief is not necessarily a bad thing; however, when one believes in something that is false, a negative belief tends to become what Ellis called an “irrational” belief. Irrational beliefs are not friendly to happiness and contentment and are definitely unhelpful for getting one’s basic desires for love and approval, comfort and achievement or success met.

WHAT IS AN IRRATIONAL BELIEF

• It distorts reality.
• It is illogical.
• It prevents you from reaching your goals.
• It leads to unhealthy emotions( vs adaptive)
• It leads to self-defeating behavior.

CORE ROOTS FOR IRRATIONAL BELIEFS

• Demandingness or Absolutism – inflexible, dogmatic, extreme beliefs signaled by words such as

should, must, have to, and need to (e.g., “I should not be in pain” or “I should be able to do what I used to do”). This is not the kind of should as in “I should go to the store and get some milk,” but rather a should with a capital “S”, a demand.

– Demand for Love and Approval from nearly everyone one finds important – Demand for Success or Achievement in things one finds important – Demand for Comfort or nearly no frustration or discomfort.

• When someone holds one of these irrational beliefs, they also tend to hold one or a combination of

the following irrational beliefs.

– Awfulization – refers to 100% disasterizing beliefs signaled by such words as disaster, horrible or awful, and catastrophe. – Low Frustration Tolerance – beliefs signaled by words such as intolerable, can’t stand it, and too hard. – Global-Rating – beliefs in which you condemn or blame your entire selfhood or someone else’s basic value in some important way. Global rating is signaled by such words as loser, worthless, useless, idiot, stupid.

THE ABCDE MODEL

• Albert Ellis thought people developed irrational beliefs in response to preferential goals being
• blocked. He set this up in an ABCDE model (Ellis and Dryden, 1987).
• “A” stands for Activating Event or Adversity. This is any event. It is just a fact.
• “B” refers to one’s Irrational Belief about the event at “A.”
• “C” or consequences. That belief then leads to “C,” the emotional and behavioral

Consequences.

• “D” stands for disputes or arguments against irrational beliefs.
• “E” stands for New Effect or the new, more effective emotions and behaviors that result from

more reasonable thinking about the original event.

THE ABCDE MODEL

DISPUTING CORE IBS: TYPE 1

• I need love and approval from those significant to me, and I must avoid disapproval from any

source.

– Rational Alternative: Love, approval and respect from others are all good things - but they are not absolute necessities for my survival. And while I dislike disapproval, it is uncomfortable - not catastrophic; I can stand it - as I have many times before. Better that I learn to accept myself, independently of what others think of me.

• I can be happier by avoiding life’s difficulties, unpleasantnesses and responsibilities.

– Rational Alternative Avoiding problems is only easier in the short term — putting things off can make them worse later on. It also gives me more time to worry about them!

Fun and popularity

DISPUTING CORE IBS: TYPE 2

• To feel happy and be worthwhile I must achieve, succeed at whatever I do, and make no

mistakes.

– Rational Alternative I will always seek to achieve as much as I can, but unfailing success and competence is unrealistic. Better I just accept myself as a person, separate from my performance.

• People should always do the right thing. When they behave obnoxiously, unfairly or selfishly,

they must be blamed and punished.

– Rational Alternative It is unfortunate that people sometimes do bad things. But humans are not yet perfect, and upsetting myself will not change that reality.

• Things must be the way I want them to be, otherwise life will be intolerable.

– Rational Alternative There is no law which says that things have to be the way I want. It is disappointing when they are not, but I can stand it — especially if I avoid awfulising about frustration and demanding that it not happen.

Control

DISPUTING CORE IBS: TYPE 3

• I should become upset when other people have problems and feel unhappy when they’re sad.

– Rational Alternative: It is good to empathise with and help others, but I can’t change their problems and bad feelings by getting myself upset.

• Every problem should have an ideal solution, and it is intolerable when one cannot be found.

– Rational Alternative: Problems usually have many possible solutions. It is better to stop waiting for the perfect one and get on with the best available. I can live with less than the ideal.

• I must worry about things that could be dangerous, unpleasant or frightening, otherwise they

might happen.

– Rational Alternative Worrying about things that might go wrong will not stop them happening. It will, though, ensure I get upset and disturbed right now!

• My unhappiness is caused by things outside my control, so there is little I can do to feel any

better.

– Rational Alternative Many external factors are outside my control. But it is my thoughts (not the externals) which cause my feelings - and I can learn to control my thoughts.

Perfection

DISPUTING CORE IBS: TYPE 4

• I shouldn’t have to feel discomfort and pain. I can’t stand them and must avoid them at all

costs.

– Rational alternative Why should I in particular not feel discomfort and pain? I don’t like them, but I can stand them. Also, my life would be very restricted if I always avoided discomfort.

• Everyone needs to depend on someone stronger than themselves.

– Rational Alternative Relying on someone else can lead to dependent behaviour. It is OK to seek help, as long as I learn to trust myself and my own judgement.

Peaceful

THE ABCDE MODEL: USE IT EVERY DAY

EXERCISE

I N T E R N A L PA U S E B U T TO N

• How can we develop such an internal pause button?
• Through constant practice and detachment(Bhagavad Gita verses 6.34-6.35)
• Hindsight:
• We use 20/20 hindsight . We remember that we actually did engage in something we did not want to

earlier in the day. We jot down notes about our experience, and become curious . (“Hey! Maybe I really do interrupt!”)

• Hindsight, closer in time:
• After several days, we become increasingly attuned to the behavior. We begin to notice it sooner.

(“Oops! I just interrupted Anita!”) Still hindsight, but closer in time.

• In the moment observation:
• Soon, the internal observer, which we’ve been cultivating, begins to notice what we’re doing as we do
• it. (“I’m interrupting Sheela right now!”) Because the bulk of our awareness is wrapped up in the

critically important thing we’re interrupting Sheela to say, we finish saying it anyway, but awareness is dawning.

• Before the moment observation , followed by alternate action:
• We begin to notice our impulse before the behavior. (“I feel my energy increasing and my

back straightening. I feel impatient. I know what we should do. I’m about to interrupt Anita. No, this time, I’m going to hear her out instead. Slow down, relax, breathe, listen.”) Now, we are changing our

• behavior. But it happened simply, easily, almost by itself.

NEXT SESSION

W E W I L L L E A R N H OW TO I N C L U D E T H E S E L E A R N I N G S A S A PA RT O F T H E G ROW T H P L A N W E M A K E F O R O U R S E LV E S U N T I L T H E N S E L F AWA R E N E S S , S E L F AC C E P TA N C E A N D S E L F O B S E RVAT I O N ! !

CONTENTS

• Complete test to find out your personality type ( The dominant two)
• Why Self Awareness?
• Importance of Self- Acceptance
• Understand the 4 basic personality types
• Identify your Strengths and Weaknesses
• Self observation exercise