I want to wake up and have this not be the first thing I think about - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

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I want to wake up and have this not be the first thing I think about - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Aug 15, 2023 288 likes •510 views

I want to wake up and have this not be the first thing I think about - every day. Presenter Matt Casey 1 Sexual Abuse by Clergy What makes dealing with clergy abuse, historical or otherwise, so difficult?

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“I want to wake up and have this not be the first thing I think about - every day.”

  • Presenter Matt Casey

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Sexual Abuse by Clergy

  • What makes dealing with clergy abuse, historical or otherwise, so

difficult? – “Matt in the end it’s about the money” – “What if it’s not?”

  • What are the conversations that go on around this?
  • What needs to change?

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  • What are current responses?
  • Australian Catholic Church “Towards Healing”
  • What do you think that means
  • I thought I would feel healed.
  • What does that mean.
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Sexual Abuse by Clergy

  • What do victims want?

– I want to feel better – I want to feel innocent – I want to feel carefree – I was worried people might not think it was serious – I want to feel whole as a person

  • How much would that cost?
  • You could never pay me enough

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  • Who needs to be involved?
  • How much attention is paid to relationships?
  • How important are relationships?

– Relationships are fundamental to our human existence. As social beings we define ourselves by our relationships with others. Our most innate emotional and social needs in life, it seems, are met by those who are significant to us. The need to be loved and nurtured is probably the most important. The polar opposite of these good feelings is the shame family of emotions.

Nathanson

  • What else is important?
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Victims of Abuse

  • How important are relationships?

– Relationships are fundamental to our human existence. As social beings we define ourselves by our relationships with others. Our most innate emotional and social needs in life, it seems, are met by those who are significant to

  • us. The need to be loved and nurtured is probably the

most important. The polar opposite of these good feelings is the shame family of emotions.

Nathanson

  • What else is important?
  • How do we change the current conversation?
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  • What did you think when this happened
  • What have you thought about since
  • How has this impacted on yourself and
  • thers?
  • What’s been the hardest thing for you?
  • What would you like to see happen

now?

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PRACTICE DOMAINS

TO WITH NOT FOR

Where is our current response?

FIRM FAIR Pressure Limits Expectations Support - Encouragement - Nurturing

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I know I will always be treated

  • “………………”
  • by those I respect.
  • most people say “fairly”
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Fair Process

  • What is ‘Fair Process’?
  • What is more important, process or
  • utcomes?
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Fair Process Engagement: Explanation Expectation Clarity

Kim & Mauborgne, Harvard Business Review, July – August 1997

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“the central social regulator that governs our personal interactions with one another.”

Nathanson

Shame

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Theory of Affects

POSITIVE AFFECTS

  • Interest - Excitement
  • Enjoyment - Joy

NEUTRAL AFFECTS

  • Surprise - Startle
  • Distress – Anguish
  • Anger - Rage
  • Fear – Terror

Tomkins in Nathanson

  • Dissmell
  • Disgust
  • Shame - Humiliation

NEGATIVE AFFECTS

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Shame Experiences

  • Someone’s Words

Adapted from Nathanson

  • Why didn’t you think of buying milk on

the way home you knew we used it all this morning?

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Shame Experiences

Adapted from Nathanson

  • A child doesn’t ask a question in

class because she has felt stupid before when the question was viewed as too ignorant or inappropriate by fellow students or the teacher.

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Nathanson’s Compass Of Shame

NATHANSON 1994

WITHDRAWAL AVOIDANCE ATTACK OTHERS ATTACK SELF

NATHANSON 1992

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WITHDRAWAL

Isolating oneself, Running and hiding, not speaking, driving Other away

AVOIDANCE

Alcohol, drugs, thrill seeking, sex, workaholism

ATTACK OTHERS

Blaming, physically or verbally lashing

  • ut at other people or things

ATTACK SELF

Self put down, doubt, loathing, blaming

  • neself. Behaving so as to fulfil others

preconception.

NATHANSON 1992

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  • Fight

Be cross Hurt others Be cross with others Be mad at people (Attack Others) Run away and hide Go to your room Don’t want to play (Avoidance) I felt like this too Pretend it’s not happening Don’t want to talk about it (Withdrawal)

  • Feel sad

Hurt yourself Say I’m Stupid Do naughty things to get into trouble Be Frightened (Attack Self)

The Shame Bear The Crumpled One (Shame) Mad I Felt Like That I Felt Like That To

Sad

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  • The healthy management of shame involves owning

it and taking responsibility for making things better

  • Acting on it instead of reacting to it
  • Revising and overcoming shame script is an

individual task

  • but it is not accomplished in isolation.

Don Catherall

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  • Whether it be a professional

therapist, a mens group or an AA sponsor, the individual who chooses to confront himself must do so before the eyes of another human being

Don Catherall

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  • What happened?
  • What were you thinking at the time?
  • What have you thought about since?
  • Who has been affected by what you did?
  • In what way?
  • What do you think needs to happen to put

things right?