CRISIS COMMUNICATIONS Presented to POLICE VICTIM SERVICES OF BC - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

CRISIS COMMUNICATIONS

Presented to

POLICE VICTIM SERVICES OF BC

CONFLICT SOLUTIONS PRESENTS:

DEFINING CONFLICT

• A state of tension due to an incompatibility
• f intention;
• A state of opposition between people, ideas
• r interests;
• An expressed struggle between at least two

independent parties, who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.

PERCEPTIONS

• Is anyone here a bad driver?
• Why is it then, if there are so few bad

drivers around, why are there so many boneheads on our roads?

• What date is this:

03/02/97

FIND THE HIDDEN MESSAGE

THOSE OF US WHO FOCUS ON FAIRNESS ISSUES TOO OFTEN EFFECT AGREEMENT BY GIVING IN INSTEAD OF FIRST USING OUR POWERS OF PERSUASION TO AFFECT A FAIR OUTCOME THAT WILL FULLY SATISFY ALL OF OUR LEGITIMATE INTERESTS.

PERCEPTIONS

• There is huge value in doubting your

perceptions.

• I do not see things as they are. I see things

as I see them, and that does not mean that is the way they are.

• Provisional communication versus absolute

communication.

• “As I see it”, or “in my opinion”.

A FINAL WORD ABOUT PERCEPTIONS

• In almost every case, there is more than one

right answer.

• At what point is a bedroom messy?
• How many minutes makes a person late?
• Should dogs be allowed to sleep on the bed?
• Does the sun rise in the east and set

in the west?

COMPONENTS OF THE CONFLICT

• The ISSUE is the basis for the conflict.
• The POSITION is the stance you and the
• ther person take respecting a particular

issue or point of discussion.

• The INTERESTS are the reasons or

motivations a person holds that drives their behavior or supports their position.

• Positional engagement or “opposite”?

INTERESTS ARE DEFINED AS:

• Concerns, Hopes, Expectations,

Assumptions, Perceptions, Beliefs, Fears, Values and Needs.

• Example of the road dispute.
• Interests are uncovered by the

application of the questions “why?” “why not?” and “what else?”.

“WHY” SUCH A BIG DEAL?

• For some “Why?” = Personal challenge.
• The “Why” question can be the most

powerfully constructive or powerfully destructive word in our language.

• It represents an opportunity to bring clarity

to those we interact with.

WHAT ABOUT THE “WHAT”?

• While “Why” is an outstanding tool for

identifying the interest, it may be past focussed.

• Once we ask the “why” question” there

may be value in applying the “what” question to look to the future.

• The child’s report card is a good
• example. “How can I help you do

better”

PROFESSIONALISM

• Your professionalism is your power.
• You become more professional as they

become more difficult.

• Professional Language vs: Natural Language
• Your “Professional Face”

TONE; YOUR BEST FRIEND OR WORST ENEMY

• TONE is the most powerful word in the

English language. Tone equals attitude and attitude is the words THEY add to what YOU say.

• EMPHASIS is the other aspect of

communication that gets us in trouble.

• “I never said you weren’t good

at your job”.

• Verbal Judo concept

WORDS, TONE AND BODY LANGUAGE

10 40 50

Words

Tone

Body Language

EASY OR EFFECTIVE?

• E-Mail

= 10% effectiveness

• Texting

= 10% effectiveness

• Letters

= 10% effectiveness

• Telephone =

60% effectiveness

• In person

= 100% effectiveness

MANAGING YOUR OWN EMOTIONS

• Anger is the most misunderstood and
• verused of the human emotions.
• Anger is a response to an inner

emotion and not a planned action.

• Feelings that underlie that anger tend

to make us feel disempowered and anger helps us feel empowered.

MANAGING YOUR OWN EMOTIONS continued

• Many people use anger as the default

emotion; regardless of the emotion, we label it anger.

• It is safe to tell people we are angry.
• Do men and women experience or express

anger differently?

MANAGING OUR ANGER

• Emotions a re powe rful be c a us e we
• fte n tre a t e motions a s the truth.
• Whe n we fe e l dis re s pe c te d, we

a s s ume it wa s the ir inte ntion to dis re s pe ct us . (hurt, s lighte d)

• Our thinking be c ome s a utoma tic a nd

we a re n’t a wa re tha t our c onc lus ions a re me re ly our a s s umption.

HOT BUTTONS EXERCISE

• Your task in this exercise is to identify your

primary HOT BUTTON.

• You have the entire universe from which to

select your trigger of what drives you crazy.

• We will be asked to share your findings

with the group in a moment.

MANAGING STRONG EMOTIONS IN OTHERS

• Typically, we take highly unproductive

approaches when trying to manage strong emotions in others.

• INTENT

VS: IMPACT

• APPROACH #1:

Minimize

• APPROACH #2:

Maximize

• APPROACH #3:

Bypass

• APPROACH #4:

Problem Solve

INTENT VERSUS IMPACT

• Every conversation contains 2

components or levels; the words we use and interpretation we apply.

• Our words are “explicit” however the

interpretation of each side is “implicit” for each individual.

• The gap between intentions and perceptions

“WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?”

• Seldom do we stop the conversation and

ask for clarification from the other side.

• “You just said…What did you mean?”
• We want the conversation to move

forward, not backward and “analysis” tends to bog down dialogue.

ARE WE NEGATIVE BY NATURE?

• Positive words versus negative words.
• In a recent study, linguistics expert Robert

Schrauf studied 37 languages from around the world.

• He discovered there are 7 words that related

to emotions that were common to all languages.

ALMOST ALL NEGATIVE

• The 7 words common to all languages were:

– Joy – Fear – Anger – Sadness – Disgust – Shame – Guilt

TELL YOURSELF A STORY

• In our day-to-day activities, our experiences

follow this pattern:

• EVENT…TELL A STORY…FEEL…ACT
• Most often, we tell ourselves negative stories

about others.

• Two Standards for judging human behavior.

TELL YOURSELF A STORY

• When we consider our own actions, we see

and understand the motivations behind our actions, yet we don’t extend that same courtesy to others.

• Within this conversation, we make incorrect

assumptions about the other person’s intentions.

• This is called the “intention invention”.

HOW DO WE FIX THE PROBLEM?

• The solution lies in telling ourselves more

complete stories about why people do what they do and say what they say. Check your assumptions before acting.

• Instead of asking yourself “What’s the matter

with this person”, it may be prudent to ask yourself “What else might be going on here?”

• “What am I missing?”

I SEE YOUR POINT

• In conflict, always try to acknowledge the

point the other person makes.

• One of the most basic human needs.
• Important to add some “substance” to this

statement; some reference to what their point actually is.

NICE, BUT…

• Connecting word versus cancelling word.
• “But” sets up an adversarial relationship.
• “But” is the great eraser.
• “But” often precedes a negative message.
• Use “And” to cover your “But”.

THREE LEVELS OF CONVERSATIONS

• The INFORMATION LEVEL conversation:
• The EMOTIONAL LEVEL conversation:
• The IDENTITY LEVEL conversation:
• Hotel room dispute with angry mom

ARE WE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATORS???

• Many of us have a misguided

understanding of what “effective communication” really means.

• This exercise will give us a deeper

understanding of how effective we are in our present communication style.

• BUYER AND SELLER ACTIVITY.

OUR DEFAULT BEHAVIOR

• Fair and equal exchange of

information?

• 100%

95% 90% Less?

• Advocacy??
• Inquiry??

THE HOSPITAL EXAMPLE

• The Organ Procurement Team

Team 1 experienced a 15% success rate

versus

Team 2 experienced a 70% success rate.

PARAPHRASING

• Listening, then restating in your words what

you believe they said.

• Let’s them know you heard and understood

what they told you.

• You make them a good listener.
• Allows for amplification, elimination of

assumptions and to “let it go”.

PARAPHRASING continued

• You do not have to get the message right.
• The value arises from the effort and not from

the accuracy.

• If you paraphrase incorrectly, they will tell

you which adds further clarity.

• When paraphrasing, use similar words

but fewer in number.

Paraphrase or “opposite”?

LABELING EMOTIONS

• Listen, then restate to the other person the

emotion you believe they are experiencing.

• Never allow an emotion to pass without

labeling it.

• You don’t have to get it right.

LABELING EMOTIONS continued

• Labeling emotion default:

“Upset”

• Labeling emotion “No-No”

“Feel”

• Differences between Loud and Quiet emotions

THE SKILL OF DEFUSING

• Many different people use many different strategies.
• “Calm down” and “You had better relax”
• Other terms to avoid:

– “Chill out” – “Simmer down” – “Take a valium” – “Let it go” – “Are you through yet” – “What’s your problem” – “Whatever”

DEFUSING AND DE-ESCALATING

• Highly inflammatory.

– Represents a criticism of the other person’s behavior. – Implies they have no right to the feelings and emotions they are experiencing. – Creates multiple other problems.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED THESE?

• When engaged with an angry or verbally

aggressive person, sometimes we:

• Defend: “That was not my fault.”
• Deny: “That’s not true at all.”
• Criticize: “You’ve made mistakes yourself.”
• Deflect: “That was not my responsibility.”
• Self deprecate: “I am such an idiot.”

EMOTION / REASON BALANCE

EMOTION REASON

EMOTION REASON

DEFUSING

• A series of rapid paraphrasing, two or

three exchanges.

• Move with the angry person, not

against them as they would expect.

• Once emotion is calmed, reason

returns.

• Defuse by paraphrasing or “opposite”?
• Safety consideration for those that don’t respond to this strategy.

PROBLEM SOL OLVING T TOO OO SOON OON

ANGER

FRUSTRATION

HOSTILITY EMPATHY LISTENING PROBLEM SOLVING

RESPONSE EXPECTATION

• In conflict, people expect a certain and

specific response ie: Their anger will be met by your anger.

• Giving them a different response often

catches them off guard.

• Often results in a diminished level of

emotion.

THANK YOU

FOR YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION

Gary McDougall Facilitator- Conflict Solutions