A Penny In The Parking Lot 1 Digitally Distracted Kids: - - PDF document

1/28/2020 1 A Penny In The Parking Lot

Digitally Distracted Kids: Reconnecting Them With The Real World And One Another

Joe Wegmann, PD, LCSW Joe@ThePharmaTherapist.com 504.587.9798

www.pharmatherapist.com Are you receiving our free monthly e- newsletter?

For This Session…

 How modern-day machines and “screens” of

all types are causing many of our children’s problems

 Real-life stories and experiences as a private

practice therapist regarding the effects of way too much technology

 Tips and strategies to help pull children and

• urselves away from the screens and closer

to each other

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Are We Losing Control? Or Is Control Already Lost?

A Digital “Disconnect”



It’s a lot easier to write something than to say it face-to-face, isn’t it?



The average age of first smartphone issuance is 10.3 years old, although every parent agrees that this is way too young



The average kid spends 9 hours per day using screen media; the average parent spends 4 minutes per WEEK in meaningful conversation with their kids



Screens are linked to an uptick in mental health disorders – anxiety, depression, eating disorders and unfortunately suicide



Smartphones open up kids to a world of anxiety, self-doubt, insecurity, and constant comparison to their peers



This is why so many kids are suffering from mental, emotional, social, and communication issues



Isn’t school safety, gun violence, academic pressures and acceptance by others enough?



Young people today by-in-large are educated more poorly, and the screens they’re immersed in and through which they learn encourage sensationalism – not independent thought



This limits their experiences with the real world

Technology And The Brain

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Acquired Attention Deficit Disorder

 A new and developing “strain” of ADHD  “AADD” describes how excessive screen time is rewiring

kids’ brains – particularly older children – to display inattentiveness, lack of focus, disorganization

 Potentially thousands of teens are being misdiagnosed with

ADHD – a disorder which they don’t have – and are being fed powerful stimulants to treat it

 Studies: UCLA; Stanford; Harvard Medical  These newly rewired brains are literally growing new

branches to meet the demands of cyberspace – with its tweets, texts, posts and “likes,” leaving no room for Mrs. Smith’s classroom lectures

 The more kids adjust to “bites” tweets and the like, the less

patient they become with more complex and meaningful information

But The Pendulum Has Swung

Kaylie can’t seem to get herself out of bed for school each morning in spite of an alarm that sounds like a police siren. Her mother is at her wit’s end. Kaylie just can’t seem to pull herself away from an endless and mindless smartphone group chat session that occurs nightly. As she finally awakens, she is greeted by the chatter posted by the “early birds” that she’s already missed – at 6:30am. So of course, she’s got to catch up as her mother hurries her into to the car to prevent her from being late for school. During the short drive to school, her thumbs are moving furiously and she is completely oblivious to the environment and her mom. As she exits the car, her head is down fixated on her phone – no thank you or goodbye to mom. Her mom becomes terrified as she walks across the street totally oblivious to oncoming traffic to enter the school

• building. She is almost struck by an oncoming car. Kaylie’s

mother describes her as anxious, jumpy and easily becomes irritable and frustrated.

The Pendulum



Referrals to my practice for students misdiagnosed with ADHD are still prevalent, but during the last couple of years, Anxiety Disorders have emerged



I now receive more inquiries and referrals for middle school children and high schoolers for anxiety spectrum issues than ever before



Kaylie unfortunately is a portrayal of many of today’s kids and because this is so new to parents, they struggle with strategies to handle this behavior – believing it is just a sign of the times



Ramifications: Poor face-to-face communication; inability to converse with others; difficulty interviewing for a job; little or not eye contact; poor coping skills; meltdowns



Why? The brain has weeded out the neural pathways necessary to competent personal, social and occupational functioning

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Cyberspace: A Full-Time Job

Computers: 

The three most popular computer activities are social networking sites, any type of computer game, and YouTube



62 percent of kids assert that they lie to their parents about what they view on the web



75 percent of 7th-12th graders have created a profile on a social media site Video Games



50 percent of kids have a video game system in their bedroom



25 percent of 8-10 year-olds play violent video games Music Devices



8-10 year-olds spend an hour per day listening to music



15-18 year-olds spend three hours per day listening to music Bottom line per Common Sense Media: The average teenager spends 63 hours per week immersed in some form of electronic media



Virtual reality has become so prevalent it is leading to deaths and injuries, and need I mention walking into the middle of traffic, huddling on street corners, texting while driving, the ubiquitous selfies and ignoring others because of headphones and ear buds

Gaming

Alex was a 16 year-old high school junior. The young man’s video game playing had become so out of control when he was in middle school and his first two years of high school, he began refusing to go. Any time his parents attempted to take away “Grand Theft Auto V,” he would go berserk. He punched holes in his bedroom walls and became verbally and physically violent. His parents became afraid of him and called the police on several occasions. At the time I met with his parents, Alex had become so agoraphobic, he hadn’t been out of the house in months. Everything around him was crumbling – school of course, but also health, family and social life. Alex had gained a considerable amount of weight and had become depressed, which contributed to his anxiety and school avoidance. Unfortunately, I never got a chance to help the boy because his parents were unable to get him to my office.

Gaming

 Many chronic “gamers” I’ve counseled discover an all new

virtual world where they can be more outgoing – slay a dragon, complete missions, lead armies to victory and be leaders of a specific game

 Shy kids miraculously become unreserved; timid kids can

become aggressive

 Playing creates an enormous sense of accomplishment –

fueled by series upon series of dopamine “hits” coming at lightning speed – although there is nothing real about the game

 Star Trek Fleet Command  The DSM-5 describes internet

gaming disorder as a condition for additional study.

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Parental Disconnect

 How could a parent allow their

child to play video games 12 hours per day?

 Many parents are all but

completely oblivious to the amount of time their children spend gaming and fall prey to convoluted thinking

 Gamer kids don’t crave staying

home and take up gaming to simply pass the time because of boredom – it’s the other way around – being home with free time didn’t lead to Alex’s video game addiction – his video game addiction led him to be home all the time and to disconnect from the outside world

Parental Disconnect

 When parents contact me for help with their video

game-dependent children, I remind them that I have NO magical powers or fairy dust to sprinkle on them

 Most parents are terrified of what the child may do if

the game is removed from the child’s environment

 Reactions to removing the game can resemble the

behavior of a drug addict in need of a “fix” – property destruction, cursing, punching holes in bedroom walls, threatening behavior, and suicide

 Some of these kids are often otherwise described as

calm, friendly and respectful

Gaming Final Points

 This is a multi-billion industry that is absolutely not

going away and make no mistake about it, many adults are just as hooked

 So, if you’re a parent of a child (or working with

parents of a child) who is spending way too much time playing these games, and you’re afraid that unplugging will make matters worse, you should take the risk

 Tantrums don’t

last forever

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Social Media And Self-Esteem

 As posts, photos and texts flow endlessly, going along all

day, everyday, minor jokes and digs become magnified and are perceived as real

 Even worse: Narcissistic and antisocial behaviors are on the

rise

 TikTok and Snapchat: Kids are posting videos with risque and

dangerous behavior which gets viral attention and the kid becomes an online celebrity

 Even happier posts – vacations, sports performances, social

gatherings can have a negative impact

 “Highlight reels” are on fully display – without any of life’s

difficulties or failures reported, of course

 Behavior that was once considered outrageous and

completely unacceptable is now rewarded and is shaping children’s expectations of life

Self-Esteem



Where do I stand in the world? Where do I fit in?



Insignificance and irrelevance



Constantly viewing someone successes can become

• verwhelming, so a need to feel relevant emerges; “hey, look

at me, I count, I want you to know that I count, so I’m going to put myself on display”



Feeling bullied by being left out



“Likes” have become a barometer of self-worth



Adolescent life is a LOT different than it was decades ago. Exposure to everyone else’s perfect life is disconcerting, fuels insecurity and diminishes gratitude for what the child/adolescent already has



The word “self” is the crucial part of self-esteem; it’s NOT “others” esteem; feeling good about ourselves has nothing to do with how others perceive us

And Then There’s FOMO

 When you ask a child or adolescent to take a break from the

phone, what happens?

 Constant connection and communication becomes a craving,

but it’s not face-to-face – which is the ONLY form of interaction that fosters confidence, emotional regulation and empathy

 They’ve been brainwashed by their peers, tech companies

and societal trends to stay on social media platforms as long as possible so as to not miss “the next big thing”

 Immersion leads to sleep deprivation which snowballs into

anxiety, depression and academic issues because the “conversations” become so argumentative and abusive

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Parenting From a Distance

Why Parents Don’t Intervene

 They’re too immersed in their own machines which serve

stress-relief purposes – but at the same time restricts

• pportunities for parent-child connection

 Too afraid their kids will be ostracized and picked on for not

having what everyone else has

 Two afraid of offending their kids, incurring their wrath  Too afraid that their non-conformist ways will turn them

into the bad guys and other parents will find out

 Too afraid to just simply talk to their kids about the dangers

and possible ramifications of excessive technology

Raising Leaders, Not Followers

 Please raise your hand if you think it appropriate for a

middle school child to have an M-rated video such as “Grand Theft Auto?”

 Social Conformity; normative pressure  “My child won’t fit in”  “My child will have no friends because social media and

games are the new norm”

 Allowing children to have something that we know they are

not mature enough to handle, just for the sake of fitting in, is breeding followers, not leaders

 Is there a right age for a child to have a smartphone? Yes –

when you feel comfortable with your child watching and listening to objectionable material

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Reconnecting Disconnected Kids



Hold off on getting the child a smartphone. Start with a basic phone.



Keep the child’s room free of screens. No electronic devices in the bedroom, period. None. Homework? Set up a table in a corner of the family room and have him do it there. You are in charge, no matter how much grief you get.



Your child’s phone is your phone. The phone is to be handed over at an appointed time at night. No sleeping with the phone, because there will be no sleeping. Same for computers. No video games during the week?



Breakfast and dinnertime are screen-free zones. Have breakfast and dinner as a family as often as reasonably possible. No electronics at these times, parents included.



Homework first then screen time. Screen time should increase with age and demonstration of responsibility.



Role modeling. As a parent, model what you’re asking of the children. Parents need to be present also, so put your own devices down, connect with them and they will follow suit



Utilize screen time everyone can share in. What can be shared as a family?

Reconnecting…

 No more playing the hermit in a cave aka, their bedroom.

The goal is not to strip them of privacy, but to encourage them and let them know they are a valuable part of the

• family. They have to participate in family activities and

family time. Stay vigilant and be consistent, and they will eventually conform.

 Hobbies, chores, part-time jobs, sports, other after-

school activities. Yet more opportunities for real-world face-to-face interactions.

 A novel idea? Just talk to them…often.  If all of this seems like common sense and is far too

• bvious, I ask again: Why do so many 10-year-olds have

fully loaded smartphones?

Conclusion

The quality of our children’s lives is only as good as the relationship they have with themselves, others and the real world – which cannot be avoided.

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Resources

Adapted from: Wegmann, J. 2018. Behavior Management Guide for the Classroom. Eau Claire, WI: Premier Publishing & Media

Thanks for Attending!

Joe Wegmann, PD, LCSW

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