DIGIfamily Night Questions 1. What is bullying? How do kids bully each other online? Is it different than when it happens in person? 2. When you are online what are some important things to remember about the information you give out about yourself and your family? 3. If now or in the future someone said something mean to you online, who could you go to and what would your next steps be?
“Kids Under The Influence” Katey McPherson
Contact Information Katey McPherson Director Of Special Projects ECRA Group, Inc./The Gurian Institute kateymcpherson@yahoo.com (602) 881-8253 To keep up with trending info on these topics: “Like” Katey From The Block FB Page
Humans TRANSFORM pain or TRANSMIT pain
Dignity Social Justice Champions PRACTICE HOW TO NAVIGATE FLUIDLY AMONGST GROUPS LIKE THE REAL WORLD Media/Tech Literacy Social Competence
Brene Brown: Dignity is not negotiable
Dignity vs. Respect Respectus-Mutual Admiration for another Dignitas-Inherent worth At the base of what bullying is: A power differential and the silencing of one’s voice Who becomes the locus of control if we don’t allow their voices to be heard?
“It Takes A Village” 1. Safety first 2. Be aware of comparing 3. Be willing to have courageous co 4. Watch parking lot talk 5. See number 1-4. A Be a good villager `
Often we focus on the three R’s Are they in the right order? Rigor Relevance Relationships
Growth Mindset
Coping and Resiliency Skills Report, Report, Report
iGen Born after 1995 They have grown up with cell phones They have an Instagram page before starting high school They do not remember life without the internet They are different than any other generation before them They are 1 in 4 Americans They have arrived!
-In no hurry: Growing up slowly In person no more: I am with you, but only virtually Insecure: The New Mental Health Crisis Irreligious: Losing My Religion Intrinsic: More Safety, Less Community Inclusive: LGBT, Gender, And Race Issue Independent:Politics _ Indefinite:Sex, Marriage, And Children
“The New Puberty” 9.5 Caucasian boys 8.75 African American girls 9.75 Caucasian and Asian girls
The Wonder of Girls 19
THE SCIENCE MALE BRAIN FEMALE BRAIN 9
SUPERLANE HIGHWAY
Hamster Wheel Rational Thoughts 4 Alarm Fire Pull This area is HALF Can become the developed at 11 in females go to/default and 15 in males THE NATURE
CORTISOL=THE STRESS HORMONE ➤ Cortisol ➤ What is it? ➤ What does it do?
DOPAMINE=“THE FEEL GOOD” NEUROTRANSMITTER ➤ Dopamine ➤ What is it? ➤ What does it do?
SERO ➤ Serotonin ➤ What is it? ➤ What does it do? ➤ Girls’ levels tends to be about 30% higher making them less apt to “fight” when in conflict. Boys have less access to serotonin to help them manage their anger. ➤ Oxytocin - The “tend and befriend” hormone ➤ What is it? ➤ What does it do?
What we are up against: Screen Time, Extended Device Use, and Video Games Over- reliance on visual and passive “reward pathway” habits results in atrophy of the prefrontal cortex. Wifi can be as addictive as cocaine or tobacco. The cortical cortex starts to look like swiss cheese after extended use of a device. First person role games offer boys a great escape.
What happens when we move? • Increase oxygen to brain • Increase glucose utilization • Increase “feel good” neurotransmitters • Adrenaline increases • Attention and motivation increase • Neural system functions more efficiently 28
Relate, Regulate, Reason CHILDREN are looking for a SECURE BASE What are we missing? TIME for reparation WATER for self-regulation ONE ONE ONE GAIN in relationship
“It’s never about, what it’s about ”
What are your favorite one liners? - “Walk away” - “Let it go” - “ I am so tired of your DRAMA” - “Well, just go find some new friends then…” - “Ignore her, she is probably just jealous of you” - “He probably likes you—he will give up soon” - “I had issues in high school too and I am still alive” -
MEATY ONE LINERS 1. Gosh, this is a tough one. Let me wear this around and let’s take a walk after dinner. 2. I can’t imagine how hard that had to be. I don’t have any easy answers right now, but we can brainstorm some strategies together. 3. Times have certainly changed. I can’t imagine how that made you feel. Your Mom and I are here for you and we are going to help you through this….. 4. This was not the best day for you. The biggest mistakes make us stretch and grow. I am so glad you told me.
Girl World Never alone & Never lonely Don’t stand out in the “wrong” way Loyalty= agreement Never look clingy or desperate Never admit when you’re mad Effortlessly perfect in everything Always in the “right” place with the “right” people doing the “right” thing which you then must post Parent Take Away: Avoid interviewing for “pain”
Always “chill”/ nothing is serious Passionate about the “right things” Loyalty=agreement Always in the “right” place with the “right” people doing the “right” thing… which you then must post Expert at comebacks’ and putdowns Shoe game is tight Adult involvement = makes life worse
Friend before the friendship
Acute Life Crisis 15 minutes to 2 weeks from ideation to completion. Most happen same day as the crisis. Caring adults/connection to care Restriction of access to means A school and community is most at risk when a suicide has already occurred
#BEING13 DOCUMENTARY FROM CNN ANDERSON COOPER Being 13
BEST OF 2009
TOP 10 VIDEOS OF 2017
Trust Your Gut Law and Order SVU gavin de becker and super power book and rosalind quote about fear and doing things for the group
1. Selfies 2. Provocative Swimsuit Photos 3. Her entire life 4. Images to hurt someone else 5. Material Purchases 6. Inappropriate comments and language 7. Anything negative Amy Carney: “ 7 Things Your Daughter Should Not Post On Instagram”
APPS AND SOCIAL MEDIA RESOURCE SMARTSOCIAL.COM
#SPAMM
Katey’s Top Picks Router recommendation: EERO/VELOP from Amazon.com OURPACT SCREENTIME FAMILY LOCK QUSTUDIO BARK TEENSAFE NORTON CIRCLE BY DISNEY
Digitally Led Families: 1. Stay in the know and talk to their children about technology and media literacy 2. Have a family data plan 3. Central Charging Station 4. Have monitoring apps and filters 5. Create a virtual locker for the future
YOUR CHILD’S DIGITAL FOOTPRINT IS VAST AND PERMANENT THE TIME TO CURATE THEIR ONLINE PRESENCE IS NOW WHAT COLLEGES AND EMPLOYERS WANT: ● CONSISTENCY ● AUTHENTICITY ● EVIDENCE ● DOCUMENTATION ● INTEGRITY
RESOURCE BOOKS ➤ “Boys and Girls Learn Differently” - Dr. Michael Gurian ➤ “The Minds of Boys” -Dr. Michael Gurian ➤ “The Wonder of Girls” -Dr. Michael Gurian ➤ “iGen” -Dr. Jean M. Twenge ➤ “Untangled” - Lisa D’Amour (girls) ➤ “Queenbees and Wannabes” -Rosalind Wiseman (girls) ➤ “Masterminds and Wingmen” - Rosalind Wiseman (boys) ➤ How To Raise An Adult” - Julia Lythcott-Haims (Both) ➤ “#Unselfie -Michelle Borba(Both) ➤ “Learning With The Brain In Mind” -Eric Jensen ➤ “The Teenage Brain” -Dr. Frances E. Jensen
PARENTAL CONTROLS?
GURIAN INSTITUTE ➤ Every 12-16 minutes, bodies need to move ➤ Quick, content driven brain boosts re-engage the brain and restart the nervous system Quick fact: The male nervous system is most alert when standing.
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