McKinley School Counseling Presents Stress & Anxiety in Children Gina Rocco, Heather Davis and Nicole W. McGarry
Special Guest - Nicole W. McGarry, LPC, PLLC Licensed Professional Counselor & Clinical Supervisor at McLean Psychotherapy Practices Nicole has over 10 years of experience providing individual and group psychotherapy services for children, adolescents, adults, and families. She specializes in: Nicole also has extensive experience treating: early childhood development ● Anxiety ● ● attachment issues and adoption ● Depression adolescent development ● ADHD ● ● behavioral challenges ● Divorce mind/body integration work ● Sexual abuse ● ● women’s issues ● Parenting and relational issues trauma ●
Stress vs. Anxiety Some commons stressors for children: Stress tends to come from real, ● Problems with friends external factors. Changing schools/moving ● Problems at home ● Unresolved high levels of stress can ● Going through body changes lead to emotional and behavioral ● Money problems symptoms such as anxiety. Seeing parents going through a ● divorce Anxiety tends to stem from irrational ● Worrying about schoolwork and fears and worries. grades
Typical or Not? What is developmentally appropriate - - I nfants and toddlers – fear of separation from parent, strangers, loud noises, imposing objects Ages 2-4 – fear of separation from parent, dogs and/or large animals, darkness, sleeping alone, monsters, loud and/or unfamiliar noises, burglars Ages 5-6 – separation from parent, dogs, darkness, sleeping alone, monsters, bugs, strangers, getting lost, thunder, injury, illness, death Ages 7-12 – dogs, school issues, performance anxiety, social anxiety, fires, heights, darkness, thunderstorms, burglars, kidnappers, injury, illness, death, natural disasters, nuclear war Teens – school issues, performance anxiety, social anxiety, personal future, natural disasters, nuclear war
Some possible signs of unusually high levels of anxiety include: ● Persistent fears or resolute avoidance of specific situations or places (that similar-aged children have no problem with or have already grown out of) Resists separation from parent; often seeks reassurance or is clingy ● Difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep ● ● Frequent nightmares ● Frequent stomach aches and/or headaches Fidgety or restless; often chews fingernails, toys with hair or sucks thumb ● Excessive shyness ● ● Resistant to change – for example, reacts negatively to changes in schedule, or insists on wearing specific clothing, or not eating/only eating certain foods Is unusually fearful of germs or of becoming ill ● Has difficulty making friends or participating in group activities ●
Continued - - - Often worries that a "bad guy" might break in or try to hurt someone ● Tends to be bossy or seems determined to control other family members ● Is easily overwhelmed by challenges; gives up easily ● Exhibits negative and catastrophic thinking – imagines and expects the worst ● possible outcome Worries excessively about performance in tests or that completed assignments may ● not be good enough Or on the other hand, may be inexplicably underachieving in school or resistant to ● doing schoolwork One or both parents tend to be anxious ● Performs repetitive actions such as hand washing, checking door locks or belongings ● over and over, or has recurring disturbing thoughts
Common Anxiety Disorders Separation Anxiety Disorder – extreme reluctance to leave home, parents or caregiver Generalized Anxiety Disorder – excessive worrying about everyday issues Specific Phobias – overwhelming irrational fear of specific things or situations; some very common phobias in children are phobias of dogs, water, storms and lightning, bugs, heights Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – repetitive thoughts that are difficult to control or an uncontrollable need to repeat behaviors to relieve anxiety, such as frequent hand washing
What can the school do? Teachers: Support the use of strategies in classroom, fidget tools, break cards, prompting to recognize physical symptoms/negative thinking, recommend breaks, empathizing School Counselors (psychologists/social workers): Short-term solution focused work with students one-on-one, small group, teach strategies to whole class, consultation County Resources & Outside Referrals: APS Parent Resource Center, recommendations to Arlington Department of Human Services, and private practice providers
How can parents help? ● Remember anxiety is not willful behavior, but reflects an inability to control it ● Be patient, prepared to listen Be consistent in how you handle problems and administer discipline ● Share that mistakes are a normal part of growing up; praise and reinforce ● effort, even if success is less than expected ● Do not assume the problem will go away on its own; seek help if the problem persists and continues to interfere with daily activities Don’t underestimate the power of structure, routine and consistent (calm, ● relaxed) family time
Parental Responses: A Tale of Two Fears OLD WAY NEW WAY Why are you worried? It’s fine. You are really feeling scared ● ● There’s nothing to worry about. right now. ● Nothing is going to hurt you. What’s worry telling you about ● But I’m scared. I can’t do it. going upstairs by yourself? ● Ok, just wait for me, I’ll go up What do you think is really true ● ● with you. and why? What part of this can you do? ● Can you go up to the top and then I’ll come up?
What Children Learn from Our Responses OLD WAY NEW WAY When I feel worried or scared, it Worry and fear are normal ● ● reactions to new situations. means there’s trouble. They are temporary. ● Things are dangerous or too ● Things seem harder than they ● hard. are because that’s how worry Parents don’t believe I can do ● tells the story. things so I shouldn’t try. I need to think about what I ● The only way to fix it is to avoid ● really believe is true. or hope someone fixes it for me. Worry goes away by proving it ● wrong through action.
Steps to Overcome Worry and Stress Step One: Empathize (doesn’t mean agreeing, means not disagreeing) Step Two: Relabel: Pin the problem on the worry brain Step Three: Re-thinking and Re-wiring the Brain Step Four: Unplug: Calm down the System Step Five: Mobilize! Face your fear ON PURPOSE, one step at a time
STEP 1: How Parents Can Communicate Empathy It’s OK to feel this way. ● I understand it feels hard right now. ● I know it’s hard to think about this right now. ● I know this isn’t how you want to be feeling right now. ●
STEP 2: ReLabeling Pin the Problem on the Problem ● It’s not the test, the tryout, or playdate; ○ It’s what worry is saying about those things ○ Instead of Asking: “Why are you worried?” ● Ask: “What is Worry Telling You will Happen? ● In this way kids aren’t defending why they are worried, you are partnering with them to look for reasons not to worry.
STEP 2: ReLabeling - Talking Back to Anxiety Is Anxiety Call/Texting You? ● Use your bossy voice ● If someone were giving you bad advice would you ● listen? Under-react to your Overprotective Brain ● Start to doubt the authority of anxiety ●
STEP 3: Rethinking and Rewiring What are the fears, what are the facts? ● Don’t trust worry, test it. ● What part do you control, what part do you not? ● What’s the answer to the million dollar question? ● Part of you thinks this, what does another part of you ● think?
STEP 4: Unplugging: Mindfulness/Meditation Finger breaths ● Making the Candle Flame Flicker ● Leaves on a Stream ● Guided visualization–color of relaxation replaces color ● of stress Regular practice builds muscle memory ●
STEP 5: MOBILIZE! ● Preparing to Approach ○ What part of this do you feel ready to try? ○ If worry weren’t bugging you–what would you want to be doing? ○ When this fear is out of the way, what will you be able to do? What part of that could you try now? ○ ○ What do you need to practice or learn to help? ● Zone of Optimal Learning ○ Taking Anxiety’s Temperature 8 or Above-Unplug/Change Body Chemistry ○ ○ Daily practice of 4’s on the 10 pt. scale
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