CoRe Clinic Words Matter: Managing ourselves when giving or - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

CoRe Clinic

Words Matter: Managing ourselves when giving or receiving feedback

October 17, 2016 Julie Daum and Kari Boyle

Ou Outline

• 1. Giving and Receiving Feedback – the Basics
• 2. A very personal experience – Julie
• 3. Discussion

Th The Basics

• Fundamental skill of life
• Key opportunities for learning and growth
• Brain science

Br Brain Sc Science

• 1. Our brains interpret criticism as a threat to survival

Br Brain Sc Science

• 1. We remember negative feedback inaccurately
• 2. Negativity bias: We remember negative feedback more strongly and

in more detail

• 3. Confirmation bias: we are drawn to evidence that confirms existing

thinking

• 4. All or nothing thinking
• 5. Overgeneralization
• 6. Catastrophizing
• 7. Emotional reasoning

7 7 cri riteri ria for r giving effective feedback

• 1. The feedback provider is credible in the eyes of the recipient
• 2. The feedback provider is trusted by the recipient
• 3. The feedback is conveyed with good intentions
• 4. The timing and circumstances of giving the feedback are

appropriate

• 5. The feedback is given in an interactive manner
• 6. The feedback message is clear
• 7. The feedback is helpful to the recipient

Go Good in intentio tions

• Reflect carefully on your purpose
• The recipient can sense authenticity

Wrong reasons Right reasons

• Defend/excuse your own

behavior

• Demoralize/condemn
• Bad mood
• Appease a third party
• Make yourself feel

Superior/powerful

• Commitment and concern

for the recipient

• Sense of responsibility
• To guide/mentor
• To support/enhance

relationship

Mo More tips about giving effective feedback

• Focus on the behavior, not the person
• Be curious – lead with questions (“ask don’t tell”)
• Inject positivity
• “criticism sandwich” – but can backfire
• Modified approach
• Be specific
• Own the feedback (use “I” not “they”)
• Culture – feedback as a gift
• Rosenberg
• Follow up afterwards / offer continuing support

Ro Rosenberg Nonviolent Communication

• Observations
• Feelings
• Needs
• Requests

Br Brene Br Brown: Dari ring Greatly

• Engaged Feedback checklist: I know I’m ready to give feedback when:
• 1. I’m ready to sit next to you rather than across from you
• 2. I’m willing to put the problem in front of us rather than between us

(or sliding it toward you)

• 3. I’m ready to listen, ask questions, and accept that I may not fully

understand the issue

• 4. I want to acknowledge what you do well instead of picking apart

your mistakes

• 5. I recognize your strengths and how you can use them to address

your challenges

Br Brene Br Brown

• 6. I can hold you accountable without shaming or blaming you
• 7. I’m willing to own my part
• 8. I can genuinely thank you for your efforts rather than criticize you

for your failings

• 9. I can talk about how resolving these challenges will lead to your

growth and opportunity

• 10. I can model the vulnerability and openness that I expect to see from

you

http://brenebrown.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/DaringGreatly-EngagedFeedback-8x10.pdf

Ho How w to rec eceiv eive e feedbac eedback well ell

• Seek out those you trust
• Seek feedback often
• Listen carefully – be curious and ask questions
• Take time to reflect – before reacting
• Most people can take in only one critical comment at a time
• Express disappointment not anger
• Cultivate a growth mindset – feedback is opportunity for growth
• Learn how to embrace failure
• A focus on self-improvement (what could I have done differently?)
• Follow up

Wha What abo bout ut onl nline ne feedba dback? k?

• Giving feedback online:
• Responding to offensive comments is hard
• Can trigger strong reactions – identity and self-image
• Research – even mild pushback can have an instant effect
• Use humour
• Often no relationship and therefore no trust
• How to develop trust / empathy

Wha What abo bout ut onl nline ne feedba dback? k?

• Receiving feedback online:
• Options:
• Disallow comments
• Ignore
• Filter
• Read
• Read and respond
• How to self manage?

Be Being the target

Once a web community has decided to dislike a person, topic, or idea, the conversation will shift from criticizing the idea to become a competition about who can be most scathing in their condemnation.

https://medium.com/humane-tech/the-online-abuse-playbook- 575648c9f798#.mmbtj2tpq

A A real life exampl ple

It started with this

Escalation

Debate Insults

Sept 2

September 3rd

Apology?

Explanation?

Blocked!

Le Lessons learn rned

• credibility/context
• public/private
• advocates: negative/positive
• dialogue
• calling in/calling out

Discussion and Questions

Thank you