Beyond the Binary Gender Identity Among Teens Susan Knoppow, Wow Writing Workshop
SUSAN KNOPPOW • Mom • Writer • Ally • Community member • Essay coach and educator susanknoppow.wordpress.com
OBJECTIVES • Understand key terms related to gender and how gender differs from sexuality. • Gain insight into how to help students feel more comfortable so that gender identity does not become an obstacle in the IEC/student relationship. • Recognize how, where and students might share information about their gender journey. • Know where to go to get more information.
OBJECTIVES • Understand key terms related to gender and how gender differs from sexuality. • Gain insight into how to help students feel more comfortable so that gender identity does not become an obstacle in the IEC/student relationship. • Recognize how, where and students might share information about their gender journey. • Know where to go to get more information.
GENDER – THEN AND NOW • Past: Gender roles and gender equality • Present: Gender identity • Future: ??????
TERMINOLOGY Gender: Who I am Sexual Orientation: Who I am attracted to
TERMINOLOGY Assigned Gender The gender a baby is given upon birth, usually based on the child’s birth sex. Gender Identity How we feel about our gender in our hearts and minds. Gender Expression/Gender Presentation How we show our gender to the world through external choices (e.g. dress, behavior, hairstyle). These don’t always match. Cisgender Describes a person whose birth sex and gender identity align. Birth Sex/Biological Sex A specific set of genetic, chemical and anatomical characteristics that we are either born with or that develop as we mature. Binary Gender The concept that there are only two genders: male and female. Genderqueer A broad descriptor many people use to indicate a person does not identify as either male or female. Transgender Describes anyone whose gender identity and birth sex do not align. The word should be used as, “transgender,” not “transgendered.” For example, “My brother Sam is transgender. He lives in New York.”
NEW YORK TIMES 10-15-18 Dr. Breuner said that “many times, when there are gender issues, we don’t have a road map.” The statement puts forward a model of “gender-affirmative care,” based in the idea that “variations in gender identity and expression are normal aspects of human diversity,” and that mental health problems in these children arise from stigma and negative experiences, and can be prevented by a supportive family and environment — including health care. “People can have a sense of being male, female, both, somewhere in between, all of these are normal variations,” he said. “Just because they’re not very common doesn’t mean they’re abnormal, and my job is to help patients and parents understand all this.” The new A.A.P . statement tries to dispel a variety of myths about growing up with gender identity questions, Dr. Breuner said, such as the idea that parents should assume this is only a passing phase. “And still, colleagues look at me askance, say, ‘Isn’t this something they grow out of, I was taught that in medical school,’” Dr. Breuner said. “So was I. It’s incorrect.”
OBJECTIVES • Understand key terms related to gender and how gender differs from sexuality. • Gain insight into how to help students feel more comfortable so that gender identity does not become an obstacle in the IEC/student relationship. • Recognize how, where and students might share information about their gender journey. • Know where to go to get more information.
WH WHY Y TALK ABOUT UT THIS IS NOW? W? ● Student language is ahead of many counselors ○ Confidence ○ Knowledge availability ○ Less isolation ● Students are more open to LGBTQ+ peers ● Many adults fear getting it wrong ● Aiming for affirming common language
LANGUAGE USE – WHEN IN DOUBT… Parts of speech matter: use adjectives, not nouns When spoken as a noun some words are not supportive/affirming: (eg) Jamie is a gay/queer/transgender When used as an adjective they are affirming - add an aspect to an identity, rather than reducing the person to a single identity (eg) Jamie is gay/queer/transgender
Avoid saying Say instead Why? Homosexual Gay Homosexual has medical diagnosis connotations A gay/transgender A gay/transgender person Use adjectives, not nouns Born male/female Assigned male/female ‘Assigned” accurately depicts what happens at birth ‘Both’ implies only 2 Both genders All genders ‘Opposite’ reinforces antagonism Opposite sexes and difference Transgender people Transgender people Saying ‘normal’ implies abnormal Normal people Cisgender people – stigmatizing Adapted from https://thesafezoneproject.com
PERSON PERSONAL PRON PRONOU OUNS • She/her/hers • He/him/his • Them/they/their • Ne, ve, ze/zie, xe
COMING OUT Misconceptions Does not happen one time only Who knows? Who is allowed to know? Who is told and why? When does someone know they are LBGTQ+?
HOW YOU CAN HELP AS A COUNSELOR… Give students the words: Have them write and understand their story and consider how they want to tell it when starting fresh. Have a discussion on how to say no and yes and also how to hear it. Have a conversation with all your seniors about how to stand up for others and how to make safe spaces. If they are happy for you to do so, you can explain some things in recommendation.
UNIVERSITY SEARCH – ADDITIONAL CONSIDERATIONS (WITHIN THE US) ● Religious affiliation ● Dig deeper – don’t discount based on name or affiliation but don’t make assumptions either ● When or how to come out to the college (if ever) ● Application? Essay? Pre-arrival? ● Location – states and cities with protection, no protection,or outright hostility - http://www.hrc.org/state_maps
UNIVERSITY SEARCH – WHAT DO STUDENTS WANT? Top 10 Criteria LGBTQ students look for: 1.Active student organization 2.Out LGBTQ students 3.Out faculty and staff 4.Inclusive admission policies 5.Visible signs of Pride 6.Out allies from the top down 7.Inclusive housing and gender neutral bathrooms 8.Established center/office 9.LGBT/Queer studies major or minor 10.General liberal attitude and vibrant LGBTQ social scene Source: CampusPride.org
COUNSELOR AND STUDENT RESOURCES
IMPLICATIONS FOR INDIVIDUALS • Youth • Exploration • Recognition • Truth
IMPLICATIONS FOR FAMILIES • Upending assumptions • Communication • Judgement
IMPLICATIONS FOR SCHOOLS • Upending assumptions • Communication • Judgement
IMPLICATIONS FOR COMMUNITIES • Dismissal • T olerance • Acceptance • Engagement
OBJECTIVES • Understand key terms related to gender and how gender differs from sexuality. • Gain insight into how to help students feel more comfortable so that gender identity does not become an obstacle in the IEC/student relationship. • Recognize how, where and students might share information about their gender journey. • Know where to go to get more information.
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES • Do you know things the parents don’t? • Can you help students find the right schools for who they are? • What about college essays? • What about other aspects of the application process?
OBJECTIVES • Understand key terms related to gender and how gender differs from sexuality. • Recognize how, where and students might share information about their gender journey. • Gain insight into how to help students feel more comfortable so that gender identity does not become an obstacle in the IEC/student relationship. • Know where to go to get more information.
RESOURCES wowwritingworkshop.com/IECA susan@wowwritingworkshop.com susanknoppow.wordpress.com/gender
LET’S PRACTICE • Is Scooby Doo coming downstairs for dinner? Tell them we’re eating in 10 minutes. • What is Sponge Bob studying these days? I hear they’ve started reading the Iliad in the original Greek. • Minnie Mouse stopped by for tea yesterday. Their friends showed up too, and we talked politics all afternoon. • Match the pronoun to the verb: Bugs Bunny just texted me. They are on their way.
PR PRACT ACTICE CE
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