Loneliness Caterpillar Confidential Green Caterpillar Confidential - - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Loneliness

What Is Loneliness?

• Loneliness is an unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship. It happens when we

have a mismatch between the quantity and quality of social relationships that we have and those that we want.

• All of us have felt homesick, bereaved, shunned or rejected by someone we care about.

Loneliness is not about being shy, enjoying being by yourself or even experiencing depression…

• …Loneliness is a chronic, ongoing feeling of isolation.

Why Is Loneliness So Important?

• Human beings are social creatures. We need close social connections in order to thrive.
• Feelings of loneliness are a warning that something is wrong, just like hunger triggers us to

eat, thirst to drink, and pain warns us that we may have a physical problem. Loneliness is telling us that a basic human need is unmet.

• Loneliness can be accompanied by significant health problems:

− Lower cardiovascular health − Higher blood pressure − Poorer quality sleep − Mental health problems − A shorter lifespan

25% of Americans report having no confidants.

Loneliness Is Not About the Number of Friends You Have

• Loneliness is the perception or feeling of being isolated, regardless of how many friends,

family members or social encounters we have.

• Research has shown that lonely people and non-lonely people have the same number of

social interactions.

• Feelings of loneliness are impacted by the quality of relationships and not the quantity.
• People who report feeling lonely typically feel disconnected and unfulfilled, regardless of the

amount of social contacts.

• We can, literally, feel lonely in a crowd.
• Having a few close relationships is better than many less meaningful relationships.

Loneliness Is Not About Dating, Being Married or Living Alone, But Beware…

• Many of us live alone and never feel lonely.
• But being physically isolated can be a risk factor.
• The number of Americans living alone has

doubled in the last 50 years.

• More of our social relationships are now digital.
• The numbers of those reporting chronic

loneliness has doubled since 1980.

As more of us live alone and rely on digital interactions at home and work, it becomes increasingly important to establish at least a few in-person relationships that are deep and meaningful.

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Important Reminders

• Healthy social relationships are reciprocal.
• If just being cared for cured loneliness, people wouldn’t

feel lonely while in the hospital (and we know they do).

• Fulfilling relationships offer a sense of belonging that

accompanies a give-and-take—being invested in another person and having them invested in you.

What Helps Loneliness?

How about joining a club?

• That probably won’t work! It’s at least not a quick fix.
• Again, don’t confuse loneliness with being alone. Most people who are lonely have plenty of

social interactions.

• Go to any coffee shop near a university and you’ll see students “being alone together.”
• Many of us are active on social media. We work in large groups. We congregate in

public places.

• Combatting loneliness requires the development of confidants – close relationships with

people we care about and who care about us.

What Helps Loneliness?

What about support groups? Or social skills training?

• This assumes people are lonely because they have poor social skills and can’t make friends.
• People who are lonely are often surrounded by people, but have no close bonds.
• Even if we have good social skills, they break down when we feel lonely.
• When we feel “on the outside” and experience loneliness:

− Our brains engage in self-protection. − We focus more on ourselves and our own personal needs. We are less empathic and concerned for others. − We constantly search for signs of rejection. − When we expect rejection, we act in a way that pushes others away instead of using the social skills we have. − This is a downward spiral into loneliness. − Worst of all, we don’t even see it happening.

The antidote to loneliness is developing close, meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships with others. . . but how?

High Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Can Help Combat Loneliness

• EQ skills are the building blocks for developing

close, healthy relationships.

• People with high EQ:

− Are introspective − Are humble − Listen and think before they speak − Are empathetic and work to understand others − Get to know others − Are transparent and create safety for others − Take responsibility for themselves and others − Cope with stress and conflict effectively − Draw people to them

A good relationship starts with good communication.

Combatting Loneliness

• Recognize loneliness when it is happening. Recognize the behaviors and the physical and

emotional sensations of loneliness.

• Accept that loneliness is normal. Don’t judge yourself or blame others. Accept that it needs to

be taken seriously if it persists.

• Understand that loneliness triggers a self-preservation mechanism in our brain that leads to

unhelpful thoughts and emotions.

• Respond. Remember, it’s not the quantity, it’s the quality of relationships. Don’t be passive.

Make a plan to combat loneliness and get reconnected.

Combatting Loneliness - Recognize

• Having no one to turn to or talk to about life challenges
• Sadness, grief or emptiness
• Being passive, pessimistic, shy or unfriendly
• The sensation of “being on the outside looking in”
• Feeling isolated and alone, even when around others
• Withdrawing from others when you really don’t want to
• Overreacting to even minor conflicts with others
• Anxiety, particularly around others

Recognize loneliness when it is happening. Recognize the behaviors and physical and emotional sensations of loneliness. For most, loneliness involves some combination of:

• Feeling that others don’t understand you or share

your interests

• Anger or irritation at others who are social or enjoy being

around other people; passing judgement

• Lacking motivation; stopping doing things you use to enjoy
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Gaining or losing weight
• Problems with stress management, high blood pressure or
• ther cardiovascular problems

Combatting Loneliness - Accept

Accept the reality of your feelings of loneliness. Avoid judging yourself or blaming others for how you are feeling. All of us get lonely. When loneliness becomes an ongoing problem, it is a signal that we may need to make some

• changes. Failing to accept this can impact your self-perception and lead to

pushing others away. Both can impede your ability to overcome loneliness.

Combatting Loneliness - Understand

• Withdrawing, even when opportunities to be with people arise
• Assuming, with no evidence, that others will be judgmental or do not understand us
• Being hypervigilant to any signs of rejection
• Apathy; avoiding others or failing to push ourselves to engage with others
• Lapses in empathy; thinking more about ourselves than about other people
• Overreacting when conflicts arise
• Pushing others away, even subtly
• Discounting the people in our lives who care

Understand that no matter how loneliness occurs, it triggers a self-preservation mechanism in our brain that leads to unhelpful thoughts and emotions that can be self-sabotaging and lead to even greater feelings of loneliness.

Combatting Loneliness - Respond

Loneliness is a feeling, not a fact. You do not have to live lonely. Remember, it’s not the quantity, it’s the quality of relationships. Once you have identified the signs of loneliness and considered how your behaviors may be prolonging the problem, use that information to help reestablish connections with others and develop meaningful relationships.

Combatting Loneliness – Suggestions for Change

• Get active. Don’t isolate yourself or avoid opportunities to spend time with others.
• Find others like you. Engage in hobbies, local clubs or religious groups. Take a class.
• Seek out affinity groups, even if they are online at first.
• Volunteer, especially in activities that involve serving others.
• Be predictable and reliable when making plans. No last-minute cancellations.
• Get out and exercise to the degree you can. It improves mood, motivation and helps connection with others.
• Rekindle old relationships.
• Reach out… especially when you don’t want to.

Practical solutions:

Combatting Loneliness – Suggestions for Change

• Consider how loneliness became a problem in the first place.
• Check your thinking. Avoid self-defeating thoughts. Practice positive self-talk.
• Avoid walking away during conflicts. Stick with it. Once a conflict is resolved, you’ll feel closer.
• Start with one relationship, even if it’s an old one. Quality over quantity.
• Practice, REALLY practice, empathy. Practice focusing on the thoughts and feelings of others and how your

actions impact them. You don’t have to share your observations at first.

• Engage in random acts of kindness; then make them less random and more routine.
• Tackle anxiety in social situations. Avoid being on the lookout for rejection. Don’t withdraw or push others way.

Personal and emotional solutions:

Combatting Loneliness – Suggestions for Change

• Look for ways to engage people that are meaningful to them. They will pay it back, and the relationship

will deepen.

• Don’t overcompensate and smother when trying to overcome loneliness. Draw people to you; don’t chase them.
• Selection is important. Seek people who can establish healthy relationships. Don’t engage with people who may

be “easy” but do not enhance your life.

• Remember, people and relationships aren’t perfect. Expect the best, but recognize that nothing and no one will

be perfect. Be patient.

• Seek professional coaching and counseling when needed, including the resources of Caterpillar’s EAP.

Personal and emotional solutions:

Caterpillar’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

• The EAP is a workplace program that can help you and your dependents with a

variety or problems and challenges, before they impact your lives at work or at home.

• The EAP is available to all regular full- and part-time Caterpillar employees and

their eligible family members.

• The EAP offers free clinical counseling – up to 6 sessions per family member,

per year, per problem

EAP Counseling, Coaching, and Consultation

• Short-term, goal-orientated support for work and life issues:

− Clinical counseling − Professional guidance and coaching − Information, consultation, and referrals for a variety of work-life issues such as legal, financial, and help finding childcare and eldercare

• Appointments are available without delay or wait
• EAP is confidential – no one will know you have used the EAP
• There is no cost for using the EAP
• EAP is available 24/7 by phone, online, or through the My EAP app

Access the EAP

By Phone Online Onsite

EAP counselors are available onsite in many locations CaterpillarEAP.com +1-866-228-0565* +1-309-820-3604

My EAP App

For iOS, Android and Blackberry

Additional Resources on Loneliness

• UK Campaign to End Loneliness

− https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org − https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/frequently-asked-questions/is-loneliness-increasing − https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/about-loneliness − https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/the-facts-on-loneliness − https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/threat-to-health − Be More Us – https://youtu.be/Pm12mTIUJss

• John Cacioppo on How to Cope with Loneliness

− https://youtu.be/xvIZjGEBvI8

• The Lethality of Loneliness: John Cacioppo at TEDx Des Moines

− https://youtu.be/_0hxl03JoA0